HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND [A full guide]21 min read

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Just to get things straight; you could have a friend that is a girl or a boy, but that person is not your girlfriend/boyfriend until it gets romantic – sex is involved. this guide is on how to get a girlfriend. That being said, this section would focus on getting you someone you can dance around naked and even play with their body, with their consent of course.

To avoid confusion, I’ll stick to using a girlfriend. But this same principle can be applied by girls too for even more dramatic effects, seriously…

Getting a girl isn’t supposed to be an earth-shattering event 

I’m going to tell you from personal experience because I spent at least four years of my life asking myself this very question, I literally asked anybody I knew who appeared to be in love and of course anybody who had a reputation for wooing the ladies…

I was about seventeen years old when puberty completed its work on me; fully driven by desire, my lust for the girls simply grew, however, I just couldn’t express it, because of several reasons (which I would talk about), and when I finally did, I didn’t get the response I was expecting (for reasons which I would also talk about).

HUNTING FOR LOVE – how do I get a girlfriend

Plunging into the internet in a quest for the answer to my question I came to see the internet for what it really was (a library of people’s opinions: and I tell you the truth, most of them are incomplete, misleading and sometimes would leave you in more confusion) … 

I browsed YouTube, subscribing to as many channels as I could, read several articles online and downloaded as many PDFs as I could find; reading with great enthusiasm and hope (hope can bring much pain if it fails at the end: and it does a lot in this subject)

I want to steer you in the right direction, so forgive me if this gets lengthy, I want you to get it once and for all. I wandered for years in limbo, I don’t want you to suffer like me, if you’ve been following my blog( you’ll come to realize that I am an advocate for vicarious knowledge.

That being said, these are some very bitter truths you’ll have to swallow


Maybe one or all of these is your challenge

  • You have been approaching the matter wrongly (there is nothing wrong with you). This means you lack the necessary knowledge and don’t really understand how this works (though that’s easy to fix as you can learn)
  • You have internal resistance to the topic (this is very serious and it is most times overlooked)

Internal resistances can be referred to as limiting beliefs. They are limiting not because they are bad, but because they are holding you back

You might not necessarily be scared of girls; however, feeling shy or disgust (that is, looking for a perfect lady with the body of Kylie Jenner) can really throw a wrench in the gears. I’ll show you how I overcame mine, and you too can do it if you wish to.

To be more specific, I handpicked some really notorious challenges to this subject. I didn’t want to just use vague classifications like “self-esteem” or “self-image” in explaining what I meant by limiting beliefs, I wanted to be specific so I pointed out issues like religion, money, looks etcetera. Not that they are bad I repeat, but the way they are viewed in the individual’s life can be a hindrance to getting a romantic partner, especially when they are not married, wealthy, or exceptionally good looking.

LIMITING BELIEFS – it’s either this or the girl

  • RELIGION: On the top of the list is your religious belief (this is a tricky topic, but you have to decide what you really want for and by yourself).

I’m assuming you’ve made up your mind about this, and really, badly want someone you could have sex with, but just can’t seem to connect for fear of what others might think. Well, if that’s the case, I’ve got good news for you.

Many people do not really care that much about what they believe. Many religious people don’t really care that having sex outside of marriage is a sin (according to their faith), and for those people, having a girlfriend and even circling them is normal, even though they would profess the faith.

However, there are some people who take their religious beliefs more seriously. These are the people who no matter how hard they try, can’t just seem to, you know, get to tell the girl that they would love to kiss her, undress her, suck and nibble her nipples till she gets wet and finally pounds her with that penis till she moans in pleasure (some persons couldn’t even properly read that line. I understand you…)

The craziest part of the whole thing is that, if you live in a country like Nigeria, you would come to discover that almost everyone seems zealous about one religion or the other, yet for some funny reason that never seems to matter (once they are horny).

I would be honest with you. If you really want to get a girlfriend, the only thing holding you back is yourself. If your religious beliefs are more important to you, then I suggest you hold on to them, else, there is really no excuse as the majority don’t really care.

If you can summon the courage of asking out 10 girls, at least five would give you a chance to go for it, whilst about 3 would even have sex with you without demanding commitment. I’m just coming up with these numbers, but you get the picture.

Never be fooled by their zeal. Though you have to respect it, and even consider it a major factor if you are going to get married to them, this isn’t about marriage yet, is it?

Note: this is not to say you are doomed to be with a degenerate hypocrite. What I’m saying is that, the girl you’ve been searching for with all the nice character (like, loyalty, honesty, Kylie Jenner’s body etcetera.) don’t really care that much about religion, or just ignores it when it comes to sex.

As I said, it’s your choice. If you wish to wait till you’re 27 and ready for marriage and intend searching for a virgin to marry (which you cannot confirm until after the marriage) then it’s your choice and you have my support and respect.

  • MONEY: You might be tempted to think that having a partner is a huge financial drain. But it isn’t always like this.

Money becomes an issue when you base the relationship on competition and show-offs…. That’s to say, money becomes an issue when you think you can buy your way under their pants.

When dealing with people, nothing makes any sense. Just like in the case of religion, money is also something that people always yap about but don’t really consider deeply when diving into a relationship. It’s like they throw the logic through the window.

If you can show her you want her, without appearing needy or arrogant, you would most likely have her. All you need to do is show up.

Needy is when you put her on a pedestal, by worshiping her and thinking you can’t do without her while feeling arrogant is when you think she is supposed to be crawling to you begging for your love.

You have to learn to connect with people emotionally. Let them know exactly how you feel. Let them know that you think they are beautiful and on and on. 

Suggested Article: Words and Emotions – understand people on a deeper level

Money, though you would need some to spice things up, isn’t always an issue. In many cases, if you are nice enough, she could be the one spending on you. I’m serious.

  • TIME AND DISTANCE: It’s true that you need to give time and attention to your relationships. And that sometimes, you guys could have very busy schedules, but don’t be fooled by this.

People make time for the people they really care about. You can adjust and she can adjust. All it requires is a little bit of planning and desire. If someone isn’t giving you time, chances are, you are not that special…

Distance, however, can be a biggie. You don’t want to be dating someone who lives on the other end of the planet and visits once every three years. It just sucks. Even if they keep contact, it just still sucks.

But things aren’t always like this. Like I said before, all it takes is a little bit of planning and desire. Go for it.

And now, for the moment we’ve been waiting for.

  • YOUR LOOKS: You have no idea how cute you are. The problem is that you have been comparing yourself with Instagram supermodels. 

Spoiler: they photoshop those images.

As they say, beauty is really in the eyes of the beholder. You don’t have to look plastic to be loved. You don’t also have to love plastic (this is the reality, not a Disney cartoon). 

Groom yourself properly and you are good to go – you look perfect dear – but seriously, brush your teeth.

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Relationships are heavily based on emotions. And the emotion for relationships is love ❤.

If you can grapple this concept very well, then you are on your way to a satisfying love life…

ITS ALL ABOUT LOVE – the hole we fall into

  1. Love is an emotion 
  2. Love can be triggered 
  3. Love can be overpowering
  4. Love can blind

I know the list seems small, but that would do, starting from the top


Have you ever seen a person who consistently pisses you off without even trying? if yes then I reveal to you the power of “personality”

I call it the Power of Personality because you don’t have to do anything to use this power, you just radiate with the power the moment people set eyes on you

I once watched a video on YouTube, where the Youtuber asked “Why do you have a celebrity crush?”, the simple answer was emotions – how they made us feel.

When we see a celebrity, we tempted to think, wow! this person is special and important, I want to hang out with this person, I want to know about them, I want to kiss them, I want to make babies with them, etc…

This is because they have built a very strong irresistible personality.


I would drop it like it’s hot: if you want to be loved you must be lovable 

No girl or boy would be drooling over a gloomy, naïve and unconfident deadbeat; you’ve got to have something loveable, something that would get people falling in love with you; not just a nice face or body (although they help), but something tangible (and I’m not talking about money, although it helps as well)

Annoying people piss people off simply because they are annoying; the way they walk, talk, smell, in fact, everything about them is annoying …wait a second, that’s just how we feel about them, isn’t it?

Some other people are quite the opposite, their voice, steps, attitude, and scent all seem to appeal to us, again it’s our emotion (I hope you can relate this to a crush)

This is not just about material wealth or looks. It is a subtler. It’s about “everything” about them. It’s the whole package, the way they just are when you set your eyes on them, it’s something you can’t just lay your fingers on – the love that is in the eyes of the beholder.

It’s not something you achieve by working on only one aspect of your life, its something you attain by becoming – by becoming that attractive person that everyone wants a piece of

So how do you get to be the one that triggers love in everyone?


 I’ll start from the most obvious and helpful; 

  • Learn a skill, and be passionate about it…It’s really that simple, find something like singing, dancing, drawing, running, painting, ANYTHING!!, just make sure it’s something you would be consistent with.

I chose drawing and, today I have girls literally begging me to draw them, plus I also make money from it and I’m happy for my new-found talent, and the girls love it, and all these love boost my confidence and respect. I hope you see where this is going. 

When you learn or horn a new skill, you place value on yourself, because that skill is valuable (not everyone can do it even if they would love to), and that boosts your confidence.

In other words, because of your new-found skill whenever someone sets eyes on you, they desire you, because without them you are still something or should I say, someone.

Ever wondered why men crave women who sing or do something usually done by only men. That they point, the more awesome you are the better your chances of attracting the lady of your dreams – Place value on yourself.

  • Read books; Books enable you to live multiple lives, thus multiplying your life experiences. It makes you knowledgeable in a wide range of fields, thereby making you more exciting to be with, giving you that eccentric personality.

Gaining more knowledge on its own is enough to enable you to see the folly in your fear of girls and thus enable you to relate with them as normal human beings…

Suggested article: How to cultivate the habit of reading

  • Pay attention to your fashion. There are tons of articles and resources on this topic, jump onto Google. The golden rule is to wear what you are comfortable in. something that boosts your confidence and makes you feel good.

It’s not always about the price. Though more expensive clothes have a higher tendency of bringing you these feelings, remember to always choose comfort over price.

Remember, confidence is your first attire. Its what people see before your expensive shirt. Then, wear a warm smile ☺, this makes you more cute and approachable. Make sure you wear them as you step out each day.

Seriously, work on your fashion, your appearance matters a lot.

  • Did I forget to mention your body? Mehn! you got to work on that belly. Need I say more?

On impulse, almost everyone would choose an athletic body over an overweight one. Do something about it. Start today, and keep going until you have that body chiseled properly.

Go over your hygiene again. Shave, brush your teeth, and use body sprays. It all counts. Eliminate those rashes and don’t forget the stretch marks too…

Everything doesn’t fall in place in a single day, but you should start today.


Do you know how easy it is to piss off someone who stammers?

Answer; just mimic them

The point is, love can be triggered because just like anger it is an emotional response

Before you trigger love, you must understand that love is simply a heightened feeling of concern for another person. Your parents love you because they care about you, although they may yell at you or probably whack you in the head, yet they would move mountains and kill giants to keep you safe. This is what love is, caring deeply for another, not just what you stand to gain from them

So, back to the matter…How can you trigger love?

In order to trigger love, you have to first give love, then permit yourself to receive love in return.

Compliment, assist gift, etcetera, the other person first. There is no rule to it. Just be a nice person.

I know how it feels, your body pulling you the other direction as your heart starts beating and you begin to sweat. 

To beat this awkward feeling, you would have to practice. Start with dishing out random compliments to random people, you’ll be amazed at the amount of positive response you’ll get back. That’s how life works, what you give is what you get.

Muscles are built gradually, you must train yourself to talk to girls, don’t rush, start with people who seem friendly and approachable at first and then work yourself up the ladder, way up to the girl you are crushing on.

No one is born with titanium balls, they develop them. Start developing your today.

So, compliment her, ask her how she’s doing, introduce yourself, ask her of her name and collect her contact (don’t beg. Ask), if she turns you down it’s a good thing because then you know where you stand

If you’re still having confidence or self-esteem issues I suggest you read self-help books like “you are a badass” by Jen Sincero, and “Rejection proof” by Jian Jiang, I did read those two books and found them extremely helpful.

The bottom line is, you are good enough, just be more confident and open to rejection. Nothing beats putting yourself out there. The world is not as scary as we have been made to believe. Plus, there are endless possibilities, if there was one exact, perfect person for each person, then no one would be caught cheating (but they always do catch, someone).

The point is, go ahead and let them know how you feel, it’s the only way to trigger the love, and don’t be afraid of rejection either. Go get your love

THE PERSONALITY DILEMMA – fake nice people

The aim of the just concluded section is not to make you pretend to be who you’re not if you noticed I insisted that you take things gradually, it could take weeks or months to build that confidence to talk to girls because once you get it it’s yours, you become a confident person.

You must understand that both male and female are still humans, we all breathe air and all crave love, you shouldn’t let how the other person responds to your advances deter you or make you question your worth. 

You are valuable, if they don’t see it then that’s their problem. Your only job is to work on improving yourself and then show the girl you love that you love her


This is probably a warning to you: a wise woman once said “Never marry but for love ❤ but see that thou lovest what is lovely”

Quick explanation: don’t love a nut job.

Before you start falling in love with someone make sure that they are indeed lovely, not just in appearance, but in character as well.

As a matter of fact, the first rule for starting a relationship is that you should be willing to let go of the person you love. You should be able to break up and move on with your life as though nothing happened.

This is why I kept insisting that you build an interesting life for yourself.

Suggested article: How to be disciplined

This is because in many cases things don’t always work out as planned. I’m not being pessimistic; I’m just being mindful of Murphy’s law.

Order is drawn to chaos as light is drawn to darkness. Sooner or later, your love would be drawn to hate, but its ability to overcome the dark time, which would surely come, is based on several factors which most times are beyond and out of your control. Thus your partner has a huge part to play. In a situation where things can’t work out, you should be ready to continue with your life.

It’s not me being paranoid, it’s the reality of things. Love is a feeling, which means it can fade and be rekindled. The rekindling part is a part which only experienced lovers can handle, and that part is based on many factors outside of your control, I repeat.

Your ability to end a toxic relationship shows your degree of self-love and respect. If you don’t love yourself or respect yourself, no one else would, not the partner who would continue to cheat, lie, or maltreat you. Be warned.

Love builds up. The more you have the person around you the stronger it gets. And its effects cannot be denied. Have you seen somebody who is angry or excited and tried denying it? yeah, it’s just pathetic.

It’s the reason this is a warning ⚠. When you get in, it would be hard to get out.


One more thing I discovered in my quest of getting girls is that emotions can blind…

People get so soaked in love that they lose the ability to see how nasty the attitude/character of their partners is.

This works both ways, she could be the one blinded to your flaws, or you two could be blinded, which end up creating a toxic relationship, where you both feed your insecurities and flaws.

You must realize that it is wise to go in search of a person with desirable attributes (like intelligence, great social skills, and financial acumen to mention a few) if you are smart enough you would learn a thing or two and would end up being a better person…

However, if you go in search of the “body”, make sure you don’t end up in any serious relationship because that would drain you (but the choice is always up to you, I know you still want that Kylie Jenner)

You should also be aware that love makes you prone to manipulations, and you can also manipulate, or both of you could be manipulating each other (don’t ask me how; love is crazy)

I’ve never experienced a toxic relationship but I know it has to do with not improving on yourself or the other person but rather poisoning each other with all sorts of emotional scars and traumas. Don’t be another victim

Note; the word “love” here has been reduced to a strong desire to be with someone. It is not necessarily the definition you would find in other places, neither is it a complete definition.

Suggested Article: Why she/he asks “do you love me?”

I enjoy writing long-form SEO content for self-help and personal development blogs. I can also do simple graphics design and copywriting. I’m an author, coach, logician, introvert, and storyteller. I love simplicity.

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