I’ve got this friend, and I like her a lot. But for some reason, my friend seems to think I’m capable of doing her dirty. It’s gotten to the point where she’s even dreaming up these wild scenarios of betrayal. She’s convinced they’re some kind of mystical premonitions of the future.
In one of her dreams about me, she claims I straight-up stabbed her with a kitchen knife from the back. Good grief! I haven’t even hit a pesky rat or diced a seasonal chicken in my life.
At first, I was squinting my thick eyebrow, wondering what the heck it was all about. I couldn’t say for certain until I learned a new word from Curtis Jackson’s book “Hustle Harder, Hustle Smarter”, and that gave me insight. The word is Pistanthrophobia.
What Is Pistanthrophobia
Pistanthrophobia is the severe fear of not being able to trust others because you’ve been through some serious disappointments in the past or experienced some soul-crushing end of a friendship or relationship.
People with pistanthrophobia have likely been burned before. So, they put up this massive wall around themselves because they’re terrified of getting hurt all over again.
“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
– Friedrich Nietzsche
Pistanthrophobia: Signs And Symptoms
You see, my friend had shared some unthinkable stories of betrayal, even from her own flesh and blood and supposed trusted buddies. But I won’t go into the sad details.
The bottom line is, no thanks to those experiences, her mind has developed this obnoxious alarm bell that goes off every time someone tries to get close to her. She’s all like, “Nuh-uh, I ain’t falling for your tricks again!”.
- If you are like my friend you might have noticed that you have a hard time forming real connections because you’re always suspicious. You think everyone’s out to get you or will just end up hurting you. So, you keep your emotions locked up tight and avoid any situation that could make you vulnerable.
- You often don’t like relying on others either. Nope, you’d rather do everything yourself because at least you know you won’t let yourself down. And forget about intimacy! You ain’t opening up yourself emotionally or physically like a jar of Pringles surrounded by a team of starving roommates! That’s a big no-no. You’d rather remain sealed (pun intended).
- You may have a strong urge to gather a lot of information about others to feel in control (even if it sometimes means violating their privacy).
- You may also experience extreme jealousy.
Of course, you need an expert to know for certain if you are Pistanthrophobic. But it’s not advanced calculus to notice the cues. Pistanthrophobia has striking resemblances of signs and symptoms to other phobias but with a specific focus on relationships with people.
Other symptoms of Pistanthrophobia may include:
- Fear of rejection: The thought of being rejected or abandoned by those you care about is your worst nightmare.
- Emotional detachment: It’s tough for you to express emotions or get close to others, creating a sense of distance in your relationships.
- An intense impulse to avoid triggering an event, person, or object.
My friend is the victim, remember that. Because it’s not an easy fix when your trust has been betrayed repeatedly. Most times, we develop a healthy level of skepticism about people we let into our lives to protect ourselves. But, when you are not careful you grow into a cynic – thinking worse about people and their intentions. This becomes some serious stink you must wash off to enjoy a decent tier of peace and build more reliable social connections. Because if you don’t, you are likely to destroy every genuine relationship that comes your way.
“Betrayal is the ultimate act of violence.”
– Paulo Coelho
That said; let’s see some habits you can employ to grind down Pistanthrophobia.
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Overcome Pistanthrophobia: Learn How To Trust Again
Recognize and Accept Your Fear
If my friend could just recognize her fears about trusting people, there might be hope for improvement. But for her, it’s like some kind of prophetic vision, and no doubt she might be right. But trying to convince most people to change their beliefs is a risky game—you might as well lose your tongue while trying!
So, just like my friend, it’s your task to acknowledge that you are afraid of trusting people. That is the foundational step.
Identify The Root Of Your Fear
After acceptance, it becomes easier to recognize and understand the chain of events that caused your fear. What happened in your life that made you scared to trust others? Once you figure out the main reason for your fear, you can begin to work on it.
Challenge Your Negative Thoughts
When you must have figured out the reason for your fear you may start to have nasty vibes or negative thoughts about trusting others. At this point, challenge them. Ask yourself if there is any evidence to support these thoughts or if it is all in your mind.
Start On A Fresh Page With Each Person
It isn’t always appealing to hear people say that I remind them of someone else. Because, subconsciously, they will expect me to act in certain ways that are familiar and acceptable to them, or even justify my actions. There is a more negative side to this bias. If they assume you will be like someone who hurt them in the past, then even your kind innocent gestures would be misunderstood, and your genuine words misconstrued.
Every person is unique and every situation is different. Take that into account when you relate to people. Hastiness in judgment is a rush into blunders. Let time reveal who is trustworthy and who isn’t.
Talk About Your Fear
When we let loose and speak our minds freely and honestly, something magical happens. It’s not just about uttering words; it’s about diving deep into our thoughts and emotions, figuring out what the hell is going on inside our heads. And that’s not all. When we have the guts to shut up and listen to others, we crack open the door to a world of different ideas.
Especially when it comes to conquering your fear of trusting people, communication lays the bricks that build trust. You get a clearer picture of those around you, peeling back the layers to understand them on a whole new level. And guess what? That’s how you create rock-solid connections that withstand the test of time.
Practice Small Acts Of Trust
Take it easy. Imagine yourself as a person recovering from an injury, and begin by trying out small acts of trust. For instance, you can start by asking a friend to give you a ride from the bus station or asking for help with your room renovation.
Take Note Of Positive Experiences
Our mind tends to drift to horrible sides of events, most especially because we are afraid of the undesirable. But with a little tweak in how we think, we can get back on our feet, or at the very least, crawl out of the damn ditch.
So when someone shows a sign of trustworthiness, take notice. It’s like a mental high-five moment. Focus on the good stuff that happens in your interactions, and use them as evidence that not everyone out there is just waiting to stab you in the back.
Learn To Relax
Take a moment to breathe deeply, relax, or engage in other healthy and legal activities that help you unwind. These can help decrease your anxiety and make space for positive emotions, making it easier for you to trust others.
Be Patient With Your Fear
I am an advocate that time is our ally because we grow and know better in time. Although this process isn’t all smooth and icy, sometimes you need to battle with memories of the past and unexpected lapses but my friend, you mustn’t fold or give in to frustration. Fight your battles and let time guard and heal you.
Seek Professional Help
If after you have done all that is within your power and still struggle with the fear, consider going for therapy. You will be amazed at how much healing you will experience. Therapists are like heart surgeons, but they operate on your mind. Give them a shot.
“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”
– Ernest Hemingway
Conclusion: The Power of Genuine Connections
My friend and I are in a good place. It’s like we’re leveling up, reaching new heights together. And you know what? It’s not just because I managed to not be a total jerk (although that helps, obviously). It’s because my girl here, she’s all about that genuine connection.
So, before you can even think about rebuilding trust, you must understand the importance of genuine connection or companionship and be willing to go for it. That is the force that makes every other strategy effective.
Embrace those genuine connections. Give it your all, and watch as trust and friendship blossom like never before. It’s the game-changer you’ve been waiting for.
“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.”
— George MacDonald
A mindful self-help writer and photographer