How To Know If You Are Ready For A Relationship7 min read

It was almost midnight as I scrolled through Facebook. I stumbled upon her profile: she looked intelligent, driven, and possessed a calming aura. I sent a friend request, and we connected. 

Time went by, we got to know more about ourselves, and our friendship bloomed. Soon, it morphed into love. We shared struggles, secrets, fears, adventures, and made promises. It felt real, intense – like a dream of unicorns and chocolate, unusual and sweet. Yet, beneath the glitter, something shifted.

The initial rush faded, replaced by a nagging emptiness. Our conversations turned repetitive, and our interests diverged.  We had confused mutual pain for genuine connection. Loneliness was the link between us, and it was NOT enough to build a strong foundation. 

Clarity broke through our ignorance: love isn’t just about shared wounds, but we were both scared to admit that. Eventually, she broke up with me. Letting go was painful, but necessary. It opened my eyes to the dangers of mistaking loneliness for love. 

Love is the desire for an unadulterated affinity, not a bandage for pain.  

However, distinguishing love from loneliness can be tricky, like mistaking a shimmering heat mirage for a date palm oasis in the desert. Both offer the tantalizing promise of cool water and shade, but the mirage is only an illusion that wastes your time. Only the real oasis, with its sheltering palms, will quench your thirst and sustain your journey.

I wouldn’t claim to be a love guru, but I’ve learned a thing or two from my experiences and I would like to share them with you, hoping it might help you to know if you’re ready to be in a relationship or looking for an escape from loneliness. .

Let’s zoom in… 

How to know if I’m ready to be in a relationship or just lonely?

You know you’re ready for a relationship when you’ve sorted out your issues and found contentment within yourself. So your desire for partnership stems from genuine connection and mutual growth, not just a desire to escape loneliness. You are ready to be in a relationship when it is an enhancement to your life and that of your partner, not just an escape from, cure for, or definition of it.

Of course, this requires a lot of self-awareness and personal development. Nevertheless, it is something you can do; and it all starts by asking yourself some self-reflective question. 

It might not come naturally to question your motives when thinking about relationships, because the urge for connection and the sense of loneliness can blur, making it hard to know what’s truly behind your desire for partnership.

Nevertheless, you can start by doing the following;

Scrutinize  your feelings

Ask yourself honest questions. Do you genuinely enjoy their company, or are you filling a void? Would you still want to spend time with them if you already had a strong social circle? Are you seeking emotional support you haven’t built within yourself? 

Are you more focused on escaping loneliness or impressing others with cute couple pics on Instagram than enjoying time with your partner and building a deeper connection? 

Reflect on your needs and desires and you will find the light to guide your right. 

Examine your past experiences: 

Your past can be your compass to fruitful amorous affairs. 

Look into your past relationships, both positive and negative. Did you enter them because of a genuine connection, or did loneliness play a role? Understanding the patterns of your actions can illuminate your current motivations.

Go over the red flags, and take note of twists, so you don’t crash into them for the second time.

Evaluate your well-being

Are you happy with yourself when you’re not in a relationship? Do you healthily handle solitude? Or are you rushing into something hoping it’ll quickly cure your loneliness?

Sure, human connection is important for our well-being. But remember, you can live a fulfilling life without being in a relationship with a specific person. A relationship should complement who you are, not define you entirely. 

Take some time to understand what truly matters to you.

Assess your emotional stability: 

You need both your head and heart to effectively function. However, if one overrides the other you can make regrettable decisions. 

So before you move things off from Tinder or Facebook to regular visits and sleepovers, be sure you can healthily manage your emotions without relying on another. Make sure that you are equipped to face rejection, get hurt, to face disappointment and ghosting. 

Once you’re okay with that, you won’t be desperate for closure or attention and you’ll handle your emotions better.

Learn emotional intelligence, and you’ll be equipped to steer your relationship close to a fairy tale ending.

Reflect on your idea of Independence:

Healthy relationships can feel like partnerships, but ultimately you are responsible for your life – your actions and choices. This doesn’t negate the support and influence that strong partnerships can offer, but it emphasizes the importance of independence and accountability. 

So ask yourself;  Can I encourage their passions and interests even if they don’t directly align with mine?

Can I carve out time for hobbies, friends, and personal pursuits without neglecting the relationship?

Do I have clear boundaries in place that allow me to express my needs and desires authentically, while also being responsive to my partner’s needs?

Love isn’t clinginess or possessiveness; it’s freedom – freedom to grow together while cherishing the unique beauty each of you brings to the world. It’s the joy of watching your partner blossom, knowing your love provides fertile ground for their individual growth, just as their love does for yours. 

Probe your readiness for commitments 

A strong partnership needs commitment and honest communication. Think about whether you’re ready for a lasting connection or just seeking thrills. Are you prepared to put in the time, energy, and emotional openness a relationship requires? Do your personal goals and values match up with your potential partner? Take a moment to envision your future and see if a relationship aligns with that vision.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with seeking excitement if both of you are on the same page.

However, seeking thrills without considering the deeper connection can lead to shallow relationships. 

Shallow relationships are like a fast lane to heartbreak.

To dodge those heartbreaks, keep it real and be upfront about what you’re after.

Weigh your expectations:

Do you have realistic expectations of what a relationship involves? Are you drawn to the other person or just the idea of being in a relationship?

One way to determine if you truly want companionship or if you’re seeking a relationship to combat loneliness is by focusing on connecting with the other person’s personality, values, and interests.

If you struggle to connect on a deeper level, it may indicate that you’re trying to escape loneliness rather than forming a genuine bond. Remember, relationships aren’t a bandage for pain. Each partner brings their strengths and weaknesses to the table, so both of you can have enough to share and develop. 

Conclusion: Don’t confuse loneliness for love

Don’t confuse loneliness with love. Loneliness can be a catalyst for a relationship, but relationships need more than shared voids. It thrives on genuine connection, shared values, interests and the thrill of mutual growth. 

Remember, a partner shouldn’t just fill a gap; they should walk alongside you, shaping a better future with commitment, and patience,  not the echoes of yesterday’s pain and regrets. 

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