I am not a good person. I am not a wise person. I am not a disciplined person. I am not a happy person. I am not a rich person. I am not a free person. I am not that person.
I might have occasions where I am close, or feel that way. But mostly, it is just me striving towards a better me.
And that striving matters more than attaining the thing itself — because, often, it is when we think we’ve attained them that we are most far from them.
In this piece, we explore why striving for betterment is more important than the illusion of attainment.
Why You Should Not Seek The Destination
Most of the time, we suffer because we seek the attainment, without realising that it is not really where the treasure lies.
People seeking to attain something – be it a state of being, achievement, or object – often miss the point. It is like seeking to get to the northernmost point on a sphere. As we trace the path northwards, we only end up where we began.
(The idea being, wherever we are, is exactly where someone else is walking towards. And sometimes, that someone is still us.)
People leave the village for the city. Yet there are people in the city who dream of escaping to the village. Other people achieved great success only to spend their nights reminiscing about the days when they were not yet successful.
Even when we don’t end back where we started, we only move in another direction — hoping it will be better than where we are now. But, like there is no northernmost point on a sphere, there is no Easternmost point either.
There is no end — there is no end to wanting. Wanting is all there is.
And so, we must be careful not to want blindly.
Staying Conscious In The Process
As we journey and strive towards our goal, all we truly attain are new versions of ourselves. And that requires staying conscious.
Generally speaking, it is better to aim to be better. But it would require acknowledging what is worse.
As we strive to be good, we must see the ways we have been bad — and the cost of that unkindness — so we might be more benevolent. Because not doing so means we will never truly be good.
As we strive to be wise, we must see the ways we have been foolish — and the cost of that stupidity — so we might be more careful in our judgment. Because not doing so means we will never truly be wise.
As we strive to be disciplined, we must see the ways we have been slothful — and the cost of that apathy — so we might be more relentless in effort. Because not doing so means we will never truly be disciplined.
As we strive to be happy, we must see the ways we have been miserable — and the cost of that gloominess — so we might be more grateful when small needs are met. Because not doing so means we will never truly be happy.
As we strive to be rich, we must see the ways we have been lacking — and the cost of that penury — so we might be more fiscally responsible. Because not doing so means we will never truly be rich.
Rather than being enchanted by dreams of success or terror of failure, we ought to savour the unending stream of experiences, as that is what helps us improve.
We ought to take the journey consciously and wide-eyed, ensuring each step towards the ever-receding benchmark is itself rewarding; or more correctly, the reward.
Making The Most of Life
Those focused on making the most of their lives head out on that adventure of a lifetime — not caring what labels are ascribed to the path, the walker, or each milestone.
They know that if they are doing it right, there may not even be labels for the milestones. They understand they would be paving a new trail and discovering unexplored checkpoints. That is, in fact, the meaning of a “TRAILblazer”
And the most defining and transformational trails and milestones are often the ones without a title or award. They are the ones found during the random walks.
So those who seek only what gets applause are limiting themselves to milestones discovered and named by others. While what they could journey towards and attain is unnameable and indeed waiting.
The best and happiest people (I know) are not always successful by societal standards. They may have an average job or a small business that caters to their basic needs. However, they are often huge on agency of their life’s trajectory – who they are becoming and where they are headed. They stay on their trail because they consciously cultivate a deep sense of meaning and purpose unique to themselves, keep their relationships intact, watch their health, nourish their minds, and manage their emotions through it all.
Their lives may be full of responsibilities and challenges, with no breaks or breathers — and still somehow they keep showing up with enthusiasm, making things happen, and living life to the fullest.
If we cannot relish the journey, we most likely won’t be satisfied when we reach that glamourised milestone.
The Problem With Success
Obsession with success is often a red flag.
The obsession with success assumes an endpoint.
And that thinking is why a student sets out to study a prestigious course and, upon graduating, stops studying, researching, or experimenting altogether. It is why a woman sets out to attract a rich man and, after the wedding, stops being kind, soft, or present like she used to be. It is why an artist sets out to win an acclaimed award and, after receiving the trophy, stops rehearsing, tinkering, or creating…
I once saw an interview where a celebrity said the best thing that ever happened to him was winning a prestigious award as a child, because then he didn’t have to spend the rest of his life chasing one. He’d watched people sacrifice health, family, and sanity for that same trophy, only to receive it and feel hollow.
As Jim Carrey put it: “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”
The truly great ones never much cared about the accolades (yet they outperformed most people seeking success):
Mozart composed over 600 works and received prestigious honours across Europe. Yet, he famously said, “I pay no attention whatever to anybody’s praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings.” True to his word, he didn’t stop composing until he died at 35.
Picasso produced roughly 13,500 paintings and received more recognition than most institutions. But he noted, “Success is dangerous. One begins to copy oneself, and to copy oneself is more dangerous than to copy others. It leads to sterility.” Then kept painting until his final hours at 91.
Bukowski wrote over 5,000 poems, hundreds of short stories, six novels, and a screenplay. And, he advised, “If you’re doing it for money or fame, don’t do it… unless it comes out of your soul like a rocket… don’t do it.” He kept writing until he died at 73.
But this isn’t all about craft or work. The people with truly admirable relationships kept dating each other long after the wedding, the children, and the retirement. Those with admirable minds kept studying, thinking, and conversing long after the fame or the setbacks. Those with great bodies kept moving and eating right long after they’d hit whatever shape they were chasing.
In a counterintuitive way, caring less about success helps you accumulate and sustain more of it.
Conclusion: Never Stop Growing
It is not uncommon for those who choose the unconventional path to feel lost and to suffer for it. But it is also uncommon to see someone go through (that kind of) suffering without growing from it.
I reflect on my choices a lot — from my career to my relationships. I have mostly rejected the traditional paths and milestones. I have never obsessively chased employment or a lover. And that has come with its pain and growth alike
The lack of money forced me to build knowledge, skills, and hunger I would never have developed otherwise. And the loneliness forced me to sit with my impulses long enough to understand and reign them in.
Like the northest north, a milestone is seldom something to bask in.
But one thing you can rest assured of is that growth will always reward you with a better version of yourself.
The only real success is to continue improving as you journey. The only real failure is clinging to a success.
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Found this piece insightful? Please let us know in the comments section.
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- Why You Feel Empty Despite Everything You Have Experienced, Gained, and Accomplished (And What to Do About It)
- You’re Not Running Out of Time: Why the Idea of Early and Late Bloomers Misses the Point
- [What If] You Unconsciously Hate Success?
- The Crab Mentality: Are People Around You Holding You Back?
Dick David is a freelance SEO content writer and editor with over 7 years of experience in content writing, digital marketing, and sales. He is the founder of Pawns Digital Agency. Throughout his career, he has authored over 4 books, published hundreds of SEO articles attracting thousands of monthly visitors, ghostwritten numerous works, and edited hundreds of content pieces across various industries. Currently, he works with Robert Taylor Media and has also worked with Tobi Digitals and Branditechture Design Agency, among others.