[What If] You Unconsciously Hate Success?8 min read

Do you think success is synonymous with pain, denial, and sacrifice?

Let me rephrase.

Have you observed that most victories in your life were birthed from suffering?

If your answer is no, then skip this piece altogether.

But, if you answered yes, it means you must be familiar with a couple of these:

• studying late into the night for an A+.
• handing over all your savings to buy an iPhone.
• fasting and staying up at night praying for a sign.
• starving and running marathons to lose weight and get fit.
• sitting down for over an hour waiting for the bus to load fully.

In fact, the more you think about it, the harder it is to think of any worthwhile thing you’ve gotten without having to deny yourself what you like and enjoy, at least till the finish line is crossed.

And so, to you, chasing success is more or less denying yourself all joy until success is achieved.

And it is no wonder you dread trying to succeed.

The truth is, if your mind has come to associate success with pain – so that greater success means greater pain – you are bound to ultimately dread the greatest success you hope for.

Why?

Because deep down, you fear it would bring you the greatest pain.

Psychologists have long observed that significant negative feelings during goal pursuit can create bad associations with success, which can reduce motivation – a concept linked to loss aversion and associative learning principles.

As a result, you put off doing the most important things – the things you know would bring you the success you so badly crave.

• You say you want a lover, but you never speak to your crush. You claim that you don’t know what to say to them, but strangely, you still manage to talk to strangers whenever you bump into one.
• You say you want to have a huge social media following, but you never post anything that could cause a stir. You claim to not have content ideas, yet you never seem to miss a day of posting on your WhatsApp status.
• You say you want to be intelligent and wise, but you don’t read any books. You claim not to have time, but you never miss the deets of the latest celebrity gist.
• You say you want to learn a new language, but you don’t practice. You claim you hate the ads that pop up on Duolingo, yet you endure the ads on YouTube.
• You say you would love to travel and visit new places, but you never really do. You claim you don’t have the funds but just moved to a bigger place and upgraded your phone.

It seems you are good at doing anything else but the thing you say you want to do.

It’s weird, isn’t it?

It’s almost like how your eyes blink automatically, even when you want to remove something that had entered your eyes with your fingers.

The particle in your eyes is burning. You know your fingers are clean and would relieve the pain. But somehow, your damn eyelids keep flipping shut.

Thankfully, you can hold those eyelids open and remove the speck in your eyes.

But what do you do when your subconscious mind keeps deterring you from success and happiness in life?

I am the type who thinks it is safer to travel on an empty stomach.

In fact, four days ago, when I traveled to my school to pick up my certificate, I didn’t have anything, not even water, till past 7 pm.

I felt miserable – I was tired, hungry, and suffered a headache.

It is often the case with all my traveling.

And that is exactly why I hate traveling.

However, three nights ago, I saw John Obidi in my dream.

(This was strange because I don’t really like the guy’s tone in addressing his audience.)

In the dream, I had (also) left eating while rushing for a test (as though I was still in school). And so he told me to stop doing that because there was no point in passing a test if I was harmed.

That flipped a switch in my head.

What if I stopped making success so damn hard on myself?

• What if the next time I traveled, I actually took the time to hydrate, eat, and ease myself as I continued the journey?
• What if I took a break from reading every 30 minutes or 1 hour and did something I enjoyed before returning to the book?
• What if I posted content I personally find interesting or enjoy creating instead of what I think will get the most likes?
• What if I don’t try to impress my crush with rizz or money but simply offer a genuine compliment and friendship?
• What if I found a travel buddy, and we started by visiting the interesting but inexpensive places where we live?

The things you once dreaded can be transformed into things you enjoy and look forward to.

“Discipline isn’t forcing yourself to do things you hate; it’s learning to enjoy what’s difficult.” — Mark Manson

And, when pursuing success is pleasurable, we stick better to the process.

I have seen a lot of people give up.

I, too, have been on the verge of giving up.

However, one thing I have found to be the secret to my resilience is my ability to find more meaning in what I do.

For example, I have only been able to stick to blogging because:

• I enjoy expressing myself
• I enjoy the feedback from readers
• I enjoy that it is improving my writing skills
• I enjoy seeing people empowered by the things I write
• I enjoy that it positions me as an authority and brings me gigs
• I enjoy that it makes me visible to my tribe — i.e., people who think like me.

All these are besides the fact that I look forward to the success, the destination, being financial freedom and greater opportunity to share positive ideas with the world.

In other words, there is so much meaning – impact, people, and dreams – tied to what I am doing (as a writer) that giving up is a far more painful prospect than continuing.

Your Turn to Reflect:

Now, let me ask you: What aspects of your journey could you learn to enjoy (despite the difficulty)?

Reflect on these:

• What do I often say I want to do but keep procrastinating? Why do I keep putting this thing off?
• What do I already do that makes me feel miserable? Why does it make me feel so terrible?
• What can I do to change that? How can I make it personally meaningful and fun?

Note: The idea here isn’t to eliminate discomfort. No. This is about finding a way of enjoying that discomfort. 

Don’t rush this exercise. 

Pick a free time. 

Find a calm and quiet place. 

Write down your honest answers.

Success doesn’t have to be in the far future, neither does it have to be just a thing: Success can be every step of the way.

The best moments in my life have seldom been about the thing, but rather how it is experienced.

• I don’t just enjoy video games. I enjoy playing video games with my friends.
• I don’t just enjoy seeing movies. I enjoy watching movies with someone I love.
• I don’t just enjoy the food and drinks. I enjoy celebrating, eating and drinking with my family.

Heck, even through tough times, I found success to be not just about completing or overcoming, but also in how it was experienced.

• I didn’t just endure studying for hours to pass my exams. I did it with my friends and even my crush.
• I didn’t just survive being robbed at gunpoint. I experienced it with friends who stood (knelt?) by me.
• I didn’t just recover from illnesses alone. I healed with friends and family by my side.

The success or destination — be it good grades, escape recovery, etc. — is seldom as long or important as the process or journey.

So, I encourage you to rethink your “starve till the end of the journey” approach to life.

And strive to…

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realise they were the big things.” – Robert Brault