Telling Your Crush You Like Her: An Honest Approach For People With NO Experience18 min read

The first girl I had a serious crush on dragged me on for months before friendzoning me. Like many inexperienced guys, I was overthinking the whole thing. I spent months going online to learn how to dress, where to go, words to use, and so on. Yet, despite all my planning, she still hit me with, “Let me think about it”. And, I remained hopeful that she would think about it and then say “Yes” to me. Well, after several months of not thinking about it, except whenever I brought it up, she finally replied with the classic “Let’s just be friends”. It’s a sad position to be in.

It will literally take me years to find a new crush. And, this time around, I didn’t bother asking if she liked me or not. I just went straight into caressing and kissing. And, on a later date when I asked her to be my girlfriend, I got a No. However, this time around, there were no crushed hopes, and our Friends with Benefits (FWB) relationship stayed intact. It’s not the best position to be in, but it’s arguably better.

Of course, my story feels like a swinging pendulum – from an inexperienced loser to a carefree FWB. Nevertheless, those two extremes have given me the experience and wisdom to better navigate issues like asking a girl out.

And, in this piece, I will be giving you a better approach to telling your crush that you like them without resorting to any silly games, being a jerk, trying to please her, or hurting yourself in the process.

How To Approach My Crush

From the first time I set my eyes on her, I felt an attraction – a crush. She was fair, slender, and smiled beautifully. And, when she started speaking there was so much charisma, charm, and warmth that it felt like we had known each other for a while. We laughed and eventually, I paid for what I came to buy.

Of course, I know better than to mistake her niceness for interest in me. You know, her earnings depended on customers smiling, so niceness from her in that circumstance was not a go-ahead sign. Nevertheless, there was something about her energy that just felt natural and a bit pointed at me. 

I would return to shop from her again and again. And, with familiarity came less tension or awkwardness. So, that day, after paying for the goods the nth time, I paused and asked her for her phone number. She gave me it without hesitation and with a smile. 

You see, most people tell you about dressing this way and walking that way. While it is good to groom yourself properly and develop a great posture/demeanour, those are not really what makes a lady attracted to you.

Attraction or seduction only works when both parties are interested. This might sound homophobic, but there is literally no amount of dressing or perfume a guy can have that will get me attracted to them, because I am straight. This too is the same for the ladies. If she is not attracted to you, you are most likely wasting your effort trying too hard.

To approach your crush, simply follow these steps;

Get familiar and start casually:

It’s highly unlikely a girl you just bumped into on a busy street will hand over her contact details to you on the go. She will most likely be creeped out and give you a fake number, snub you, or ask if you know her from somewhere (and you’d look like a moron if you start mumbling at that point).

Instead, take your time to build familiarity with her. If you are neighbours, wave and greet her a couple of times. Let her be able to recognise you somewhere else. If you are a colleague in school, you can say “Hi” and maybe ask her for help with something.

The idea is to not be a total stranger to her. In my case, I didn’t ask for a phone number until she could recognize me walking in the streets and wave at me (as a customer).

As you can see, you are already having some conversation with her despite it just being casual. Nevertheless, the idea is to make having a conversation with her feel natural.

Sidenote: It is possible to build familiarity within a few minutes or hours. Perhaps you are both waiting in a bank or queue and you know the chances of seeing them again is very slim. In such cases, you could strike up a conversation, get to know their name, and get their contact at the spot. But in other cases, you can take things slower.

If you are taking things slower, the next step is to…

Introduce yourself in a confident and friendly manner: 

Walk up to them, make eye contact, smile, and introduce yourself if you haven’t already. 

To start the conversation, 

• Be simple and direct: For example, you can say, “Hi, I’m [your name]. I’ve seen you around a few times and wanted to say hello.”
• Mention a common connection: For example, you can say, “I noticed you’re in [same class/department]. I’m also interested in [shared interest].”

Just be yourself. Also, don’t be afraid to ask her about herself. For instance, after telling her your name, you can simply ask, “What is your name?”. It’s not rocket science.

You can also throw in some compliments to lower her guard, but be genuine and don’t overdo it. For example, you could say, “I really loved your [her achievement/contribution/fashion/etc].” or, “I heard you [doing something specific] and I think it’s [insert compliment, like ‘impressive’, ‘beautiful’, ‘really nice’, etc.]”. 

Pro tip: stay away from complimenting her body. Don’t tell her she has a big ass or boobs as that will most likely be interpreted as, “Hey sexy, I’m a creep, that just wants sex”. Also, keep in mind that some ladies are simply insecure about their bodies; so tread carefully.

Be open to answering their questions, and don’t be caught up in your own heading thinking of the next thing to say. Rather…

Pay attention to what they are saying and find common ground: 

Pay attention to their interests and hobbies. Look for opportunities to connect over shared passions or experiences.

Perhaps you both have an assignment, are heading the same way, are both dealing with extreme (cold or hot) weather, etcetera. Bring it up naturally and don’t feel uncomfortable if there are moments of silence. It is natural – even the best of friends do sit together quietly sometimes.

If you feel comfortable, you can comment or ask a question related to the situation or something you know about them. For example, you could say, “That’s a nice watch you’re wearing”, or “I heard you’re really good at [their skill/interest], how did you get so good?”. 

Of course, all these will depend on the situation and how comfortable you are. Nevertheless, during this time, it is important to…

Gauge their interest in you: 

Pay attention to their body language and responses. If they seem engaged and reciprocate your efforts, it’s a good sign they’re open to talking more.

It is usually a bad sign when they are giving one-word replies or seem distracted by something else. Perhaps they are not interested or it is just wrong timing. In either case, don’t force things. 

You can always try another day or another place. If they seem not to be interested after a couple of attempts, I recommend you let them be. There is someone else for you.

However, if they seem enthused and glad to talk with you, then…

Express your interest directly and ask for their contact: 

Once you’ve established a connection, go ahead to express your desire to connect with them. 

It doesn’t have to be complicated or clever. You can simply say something like, “I really enjoy talking to you and I would love to have your number”.

I remember talking with a lady and then telling her, “I’d love to have your phone number”. To which she replied, “Why do you want my number”. I replied, “I love your energy and would like to talk again”. She blushed and gave me the number. 

Remember: Being ignored or rejected is always a possibility, but it doesn’t define you. Be respectful of their response and move on with confidence if needed. 

How Do You Start A Conversation With Your Crush?

The next day I texted her: 

“Good day.

It’s Dick David

I was supposed to call yesterday, but I didn’t know when you would be chanced to talk.

So, just text me the time you’d be comfortable getting a call.

Hope your day is going smoothly”.

There is really nothing special about the text other than I didn’t want to call her when she was busy with work or fast asleep. It is a simple curtsey I extend to everyone because I don’t pick up calls once it’s past 8:30 pm. My phone actually goes on DND – i.e. Do Not Disturb. Unless, of course, we agreed to have a call earlier.

Anyway, you’ve got your crush’s contact, what next?

I recommend you strive to have face-to-face conversations with your crush as soon as possible. There are a lot of guys already in her DM, and these days people even chat with AI and stuff. 

You could ask her out for a drink, or you could agree to meet in a public place, or some other comfortable spot. If she keeps bringing up excuses, it’s most likely a sign she’s not interested. Let her be. If she agrees, awesome.

Besides, in my case, considering I met her in a place where she is incentivised to be nice to people, I needed her to show that she was really nice to me by coming to meet me outside of work.

So, when I called, I asked her if she was open to the idea of meeting somewhere. She agreed and we met. The phone conversation and our conversation when we met face-to-face followed this simple framework.

Start with a simple greeting and acknowledgement: 

This is a no-brainer. Start with a friendly “Hi,” “Hello,” or “Good day” to break the ice.

If it’s a face-to-face interaction, take note of what they are wearing, their make-up, and even their scent. If there is something that interests you, compliment or acknowledge it. You could say something like, “You smell nice”, or “Nice gown, I love the colour” 

Also, try to maintain eye contact and smile softly to show confidence and warmth. Usually, the smiling happens automatically (you’re crushing on her, right?). However, maintaining eye contact could be tricky so you might need to remind yourself to stop avoiding eye contact.

Use a conversation starter: 

Once you’ve greeted them, and acknowledged their presence and effort, use an opener to spark a conversation. Here are some options:

• Open-ended questions: Encourage them to elaborate and keep the conversation flowing. For example, “How did your day go?”, “What are you working on these days?” or “What did you think of [recent event]?”
• Observations: Comment on something related to the situation or their interests. For example, “That book you’re reading looks interesting, what’s it about?” or “I love your [clothing item]! Where did you get it?”
• Humour (use cautiously): If you’re comfortable with humour, try a lighthearted joke or observation, but avoid anything offensive or mean-spirited.

Of course, these ideas are just ideas. You don’t have to memorise them. And, you don’t have to keep bringing up new ones after the answer. The idea behind the ice-breaker questions is to get them talking so that you can…

Actively listen and respond: 

Pay attention to their responses and ask follow-up questions to show genuine interest. Share your own thoughts and experiences to keep the conversation balanced.

In fact, the fewer tips you get here the better. Simply give them your undivided attention. This means

• Keep your phone away
• Face them directly and maintain eye contact
• Listen to understand, rather than reply
• Ask relevant questions and pay extra attention to how they respond.

If you notice they are interested in a particular topic, you can stick to it. Let them take you down the rabbit hole. In a counterintuitive way, even if you do not do much talking, they will end up feeling like you’re a great conversationist. 

Of course, this does not mean you shouldn’t share your own views if you have something to say. If they seem interested in knowing something about you and you are willing to share, by all means, give them the deets.

See it as a game of ping-pong or table tennis. Don’t hold on to the ball, but make sure you’re returning the ball with your best strike.

Also, learn to embrace silence. It is okay if there is a moment of awkward silence. Use that moment to look around, breathe, and appreciate the environment you are in. Perhaps, you might notice something interesting that you can point out to her and you both continue the conversation.

Avoid heavy topics or personal issues: 

You don’t have to dabble into religion, politics, or personal issues in the initial conversation. Understand that it takes a level of rapport to discuss sensitive issues without one of you thinking the other is a jerk, weirdo, moron, creep, or part of the problems society is facing.

So, keep it light and positive. You could ask about where they came from, what they studied, or what they spend most of their time doing. You can even venture into asking about their dreams and aspirations.

Focus on getting to know them better and building the familiarity that exists between you two. 

Remember: The key is to be yourself, be respectful, and show genuine interest in getting to know your crush. You might have to repeat this a couple of times to gain more clarity about who they are and what you are about getting into. 

Don’t hesitate to withdraw if you find out that a relationship might not be feasible. For example, if you learn that they are about to leave the country, already have a boyfriend, or that they are not attracted to your gender you might want to reevaluate your interests. It might hurt to end up just friends with someone you have a crush on, but remember it’s just a crush – it will fade with time and you will be alright. 

However, if after a couple of conversations, you discover that there is really nothing stopping you from asking them to be your girlfriend, then your question might be…

Should I Tell My Crush I Like Her?

Yes, you should tell your crush you like her as soon as possible. Be honest and plain with her. Don’t overthink it. Forget clever pickup lines because that won’t make a difference if she likes you in return. Rather focus on communicating your feelings and pay attention to how she responds. If you’ve been in contact with her for a while, she most likely knows how you feel about her and is simply waiting for you to make the move.

No matter what you do, avoid games and do not take games from her. If she is not being honest or straightforward with you, consider it as a lack of interest and move on. Do not try to convince or beg her to say “Yes”, as doing that will put you in a precarious position where she might come to disrespect, detest, or exploit you. Remember you have nothing to prove and you are valuable on your own. 

To express your interests, start by getting her to a (private) place where you both feel comfortable. Then you can simply say,

• “[Her name], I like you and would love you to be my girlfriend”, 
• “[Her name], I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and I wanted to let you know that I like you more than just a friend.”, or 
• “I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately, and I realised that I have strong feelings for you. Would you be interested in being my girlfriend?”

You mustn’t say it as stated above, but you should be honest and as straightforward as possible. Heck! If you lack the guts to do it face-to-face, you can text her (exactly the idea written above).

Once you’ve told your crush how you feel, pay attention to her response. Was she excited, ambivalent, or unhappy about it? Whatever her reaction or response, understand that it is not within your control and you should respect her feelings.

Rejection is always a possibility, but it doesn’t define your worth.

Also, keep in mind that telling your crush you have feelings for them might make them distance themselves from you. This does not necessarily mean that they do not like you or that there is something wrong with you. Rather, it is simply a sign that they may not be interested in such a relationship with you, and that is okay. 

If you do not get a direct response from your crush, it is best to follow the law of Fuck Yes or No: 

“The Law of Fuck Yes or No states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them. The Law of Fuck Yes or No also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must also respond with a “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.”

– Mark Manson

Conclusion: Don’t Mistake Crush for Love or Compatibility

Having a crush on someone can be exhilarating – you can feel your heart palpitating and your tummy buzzing with butterflies whenever you see them. But it’s crucial to remember they’re just one step in the journey towards finding a compatible partner. 

Let go of a crush if they don’t like you back. It is okay to have periods without having any crush. Even having multiple crushes at once is normal, as long as honesty and respect guide your interactions.

While the feeling of having a crush can be intense, never mistake it as a sign from heaven. It is simply a biological response, and you should rather approach getting to know her with an “investigator” mindset. Focus on understanding her values, personality, and compatibility with your own. Slow down, observe her actions, and ensure their intentions align with yours. 

Don’t rush commitment or try to impress them – rather focus on genuine connection and shared interests. Remember, protecting yourself is key. Prioritise your emotional, financial, and mental well-being throughout this process. Be wary of red flags like manipulation, greed, or disrespect, and don’t mistake fleeting infatuation for genuine compatibility or love.

Crushes may be fleeting, but the lessons learned and relationships built during this phase can be invaluable to your future. So, approach them with curiosity, caution, and self-awareness, and you’ll be well on your way to finding someone who truly complements your life.

Good luck!

***

Did you enjoy this content or have some questions? Let us know in the comments section.

• How To Make Girls Beg To Be With You – [Your Crush May Get Jealous If You Don’t Pick Her]
• [Good & Bad] Reasons to be in a relationship with someone
• How To Know If You Are Ready For A Relationship
• How To Get a Girlfriend [A full guide]
• The Perfect Way To Answer The Question “Why Do You Love Me?”