The Perfect Way To Answer The Question “Why Do You Love Me?”13 min read

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Have you ever been asked the question “Why do you love me?”? Or something similar. It’s a question that can take you aback, especially when asked by someone who you have been trying to show that you love. 

On one hand, it shows that the person has sensed your love towards them (so they are not asking, “Do you love me?”). But, on the other hand, it shows that they still have some questions as to why you love them. Perhaps, they worry that they are misunderstanding your niceness for love, or that you do not really love them, or that you love them but for the wrong reasons

Whichever the case, it can be both a simple and complex question, and the answer can be even more difficult if you haven’t taken the time to think about it. But if you’re truly in love, you already have the answers locked somewhere in your heart, waiting to burst out and reveal themselves to your object of love.

That is why in this post, we will explore some reasons you may love them – your girlfriend, boyfriend, or partner – and the perfect answer to give when next you hear the question. Or perhaps, you could just save them the trouble, and reveal it to them to strengthen the bond between you two.

Let’s dive in:

How do you explain why you love your girlfriend/boyfriend/partner?

To explain why you love someone, you have to be honest and vulnerable, or else they might sense the insincerity and detest you for that, or the response may lose its potency. 

Taking the time to think about the reasons you love someone is a healthy practice that will leave you feeling more grateful for having them around, as well as help you love them even more. 

It is important to keep in mind that all the billions of people on this planet have something unique about them, and the kind of environment and relationship you both find yourself in will to a great extent influence what you can appreciate and love about them. 

However, in general, the things or the reasons you love someone can be categorized into physical appearance, personality, intellect, emotional maturity, shared values, spirituality, and so on.

Let’s explore them:

Physical Appearance:

This could be

  • The shape, size, and colour of their eyes: There are several possible combinations, but to you, there may just be one of the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever seen.
  • The shape, size, and texture of their lips: Perhaps when they smile, it makes your heart flutter. And their kiss is better than wine.
  • The size, weight, and shape of their body: To you, it may be perfect in every way. You want to touch, caress, fondle, and squeeze them tightly whenever you’re close (you just can’t keep your hands to yourself).
  • The texture, length, and colour of their hair: Maybe it’s short, curly, and black. Perhaps it’s long, straight, and blond. Perhaps it’s something about how it feels when you touch it. 
  • The look and feel of their skin: Perhaps you’re enchanted by how soft, clean, and smooth it feels. Perhaps it’s simply flawless.


Keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with admiring someone’s physical appearance (it is part of who they are). However, it is important to complement features that you genuinely admire. It will be dishonest to say you love the body of a chubby person when in reality you prefer a skinny one.


This could be

  • Their sense of humour: Maybe they always know how to make you laugh. Or, they know how to defuse a tense situation with proper and well-timed humour. 
  • Their kindness: Maybe you’ve observed that they do not do (you or others) favours to gain something, but are genuinely interested and willing to help (even complete strangers who they may never meet again).
  • Their passion: Maybe you like that they are enthusiastic and passionate about their job, hobbies, and life in general. Maybe you find that kind of energy sexy and want it in your life.
  • Their strength and grit: Perhaps you’ve watched them go through tough times and have seen how their faith, character, loyalty, confidence, and integrity remained steadfast despite everything. 


It’s important to keep in mind that the personalities you love in someone may not always be their strengths. Perhaps you love how the tough-looking guy/girl still has a feminine side that they are not afraid to express. Perhaps you find their ability to be vulnerable endearing and admirable. 

Emotional Maturity

This could be

  • Their emotional intelligence: Maybe they know how to handle their emotions in a healthy way, and also know how to respond to you (or even others) when you are feeling emotional.
  • Their understanding: Perhaps they are not quick to judge, but will rather listen, and try to see things from your perspective. Maybe they often offer support when you are struggling.
  • Their ability to forgive: Not everyone has the ability to let things slide. Perhaps, you find their ability to let go of grudges and move on heartwarming. Of course, this doesn’t mean you intend to abuse it, but that you know that everyone makes mistakes, and everyone needs forgiveness.
  • They communicate effectively: They know how to talk to you, and how to get you to open up. They do not bottle things up and explode or implode but are rather always willing to talk about things (with you and others) in a healthy way.
  • They are supportive: It could be that they are always there for you, during the good and the hard times. Perhaps they have cheered you on when no one else seemed to care, and have even helped pull you out of dark places with words of encouragement and affirmation.


Keep in mind that being emotionally mature does not mean the person may not sometimes act insensitively or say hurtful things to you. Life is complex, and so are people. But, having someone who is honest, handles their emotions well, and consistently tries their best to consider yours as well is a gift.

Intellectual Compatibility

It may be that:

  • They are curious: Maybe they love to learn and explore new things. They are not the type to stick to old patterns but always want to try new things – explore their curiosity.
  • They can hold deep conversations: Perhaps you can talk about anything with them, from politics to philosophy, in a deep and insightful way.
  • They challenge your ideas: Perhaps they push you to think and come up with better ideas. They don’t just agree with everything you say (especially if it is important and may impact your well-being).
  • They are intelligent: Maybe you love that they are critical thinkers. You like that they are always learning new things and teaching you new things. Perhaps you are a sapiophile (i.e. someone who is attracted to intelligent or intelligent people).


Keep in mind that there are different forms of intelligence. There are people who are good at understanding words, while others do well at understanding physical shapes and dimensions. Sometimes, it is not that people are dumb, but that you are not engaging them in the right domain.


It could be that

  • They are purposeful and driven: They seem to have a clear sense of purpose and direction in life. This could be in terms of career, family, or personal goals and ambitions.
  • They are happy and contented: Perhaps they don’t seem to be obsessed about anything, but simply flow with their Ikigai.
  • They may be wise: They seem to have a deep understanding of life and its mysteries. They are the kind of people you want by your side when life seems chaotic
  • They may be highly spiritual: They have high moral standards and may have a strong connection to their religious faith or spirituality. 


Keep in mind that spirituality is something that is easily fueled or doused by the people around you. So, it is critical to pick the right one if you place a high value on spirituality. Talking about value…

Shared Values:

This could be

  • Their dreams and goals align with yours: They seem to value similar things as you. This could be in terms of career, family, or personal interests. 
  • They have similar principles as you: Not only do they want similar things, they want them in the same way. Perhaps you both want to stay out of career paths that are harmful to humanity and want to live on your own terms. 
  • They (intend to) follow a similar path as you: Perhaps you both are artists or entrepreneurs. Perhaps you both want a monogamous marriage. They basically inspire you and encourage you by simply walking the same path as you.


Having shared values is a force multiplier. It strengthens the bond in your relationship, which helps you achieve your goals easier and faster, and also helps you stay strong during adversities.


This may include

  • Their race and tribe: Maybe you are biased towards a certain race. Perhaps you generally prefer people from other tribes or countries. Or, maybe you prefer people who you share common ancestry with.
  • Their demeanour and mannerisms: Perhaps there’s something about how they sit and walk, or gesture when they speak that you find particularly loveable.
  • Their uniqueness: Perhaps they are one of those natural-born leaders or geniuses. Perhaps they’ve accomplished something remarkable or particularly interesting to you. 
  • Their quirks: Maybe it’s the scar they have or the trauma you know they’ve endured.


Remember that there are countless reasons to love someone, and you can love someone for a plethora of reasons at once. Also remember that some people shine best under certain conditions, and it might be best to also highlight that (condition) when letting them know the reasons you love them.

Now that we’ve explored the different reasons you could love someone, now, how do you communicate this to them?

The perfect answer to the question “Why do you love me?”

Before providing a perfect answer to the question “Why do you love me?”, here are some things to consider:

  • Be specific: Don’t just say “I love you because of your physical appearance.” Instead, drill down to the specific things about their physical appearance, and how it manifests itself. For example, if you love their lips, you could say you love how it curls when they smile.
  • Be genuine: Don’t makeup stuff. They will perceive it unless they are just very insecure people seeking validation. Your answer should come from the heart. Don’t try to recite a line you’ve read here or somewhere else. It doesn’t have to come out smooth or perfect either. It just needs to be genuine.
  • Think about what’s important to them: This does not mean you should tell them what they want to hear, but you should not forget to highlight how you appreciate the effort they’ve been putting into specific aspects of their lives. If you notice they put in a lot of hours into their craft, it might be much more meaningful to acknowledge their tenacity as one of the features you love rather than to only compliment how white their teeth look.

After considering the above, here is an example of a perfect answer to the question “Why do you love me?”:

I love you because, despite the amount of work and shitty people you have to deal with every day, you still make time for us. And, when we are together, you are totally present, smiling beautifully, and holding me gently with your soft hands. And, there’s something about the way you talk to me that makes me feel like I am more important than I think myself. All these are some of the few things I could think of at this moment. And, I’ll love to let you know that I would be one of the biggest fools in the world if I didn’t love you.

You can see that this answer is specific, genuine, and meaningful. It highlights a deep understanding of the person’s life (their stressful job), an appreciation of their effort, sacrifice, and attention to the relationship (making time, being present, communicating well), as well as their physical attractiveness (the smile and the soft hands). It also went further to point out that all these are not a comprehensive answer, and that you are lucky and feel blessed to have them in your life. It is an answer that they would likely remember and cherish for a long time.

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Conclusion: I love you because you make me want to be better for you

The first day a girl held my hands as we walked, I felt so special. The truth was that I didn’t feel like I deserved her. She was pretty, hardworking, and smart. She was well dressed, smelled nice, and had the kind of body I fantasize about.

Usually with that kind of high-class girl, you want to take things slow because she prolly already has other options, and may just be giving you attention to access you. So, when she picked up my hands in public, I knew that I had to be a better person (I had to be worthy of her).

Of course, this doesn’t mean I wasn’t worthy of her love. It just means that I felt I should be someone she should also be glad she met. I knew that, just like her, I have to up my game – I needed to work on my physical appearance (clothes and gym), money (career and skills), values (beliefs and goals), and so on.

And, I really think you know you love someone when you want to give them your best self. That is why, for me, the short answer to the question is that “I love you because you make me want to be better for you”.

Below are other resources you might find useful:

A Self-Help Writer And Editor Who Keeps It Simple (Yet Elegant)

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