Is infatuation real love?

Is Infatuation Real Love? 5 Ways To Identify And Control It

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Estimated Read Time: 7 min

It was a breezy evening in the tropics of Imiringi. I sat by my window, reminiscing about an experience I had years ago.

I recall vividly a particular damsel, whose name I still can’t recollect. Her beauty piqued my interest, and I became desirous of her.

Her skin was radiant like the stars; it glittered pure gold. She was a sparkling ebony, the true definition of a Bayelsa queen.

My love bug nurtured a taste for her. To exasperate matters, I saw her under the moonlight. I was eager to see her by daybreak.

My excitement got the best of me, so I disclosed my new-found interest to my friend, who in his magnanimity decided to help. 

I rehearsed every hook line I could lay my hands on. I did a series of pitch-perfects to ensure I was in sync.

I even did background research on her but was too excited I forgot to ask her name.

It was time to hit the road. At exactly 4 p.m., I put on my Sunday best and ask for confirmation from my friend. He affirmed I was hot.

Why am I crazy over someone I barely knew? Could this be love? Those questions raced through my mind, then out.

Soon, my friend and I were walking through her condominium, greeting some ladies at the front. My head was in the clouds until something strange happened. 

I caught a glimpse, of the figure of the “Night Angel” I was eager to see. The issue was, this face looked slumped.

This figure tied an old wrapper around its waist, with hairs unkempt, and a porous short-sleeve, exposing an overgrown vegetation under the armpit.

For a moment, I thought there was something wrong with my eyes. I hoped it was not who I thought it was.

My friend told me to hold on while he fetched her. “Fetch what?!”, I almost yelled. As he proceeded, my pulse increased and I found it harder to breathe.

Minutes later, here they were, smiling. What could he have told her? The smile on her face was radiant for all to see. Whatever it was, it sparked my imagination.

After a brief introduction, I was left to my fate. There I was, standing with the “angel” I longed to see, yet disappointed beyond my belief.

I was overwhelmed. At what point did she transform? I contemplated a quite.

“Are you alright?”, she asked. “Yes, I am.”, I lied; I just couldn’t fathom what was going on in my head.

After some moments of awkward silence, I excused myself and left. She stood dumbfounded, perplexed by my action (or inaction?). 

My friend, watching from a distance, couldn’t help laughing. He laughed so hard, I wished the earth would swallow me immediately. 

The next day, words went around. I couldn’t toast a girl but rather ended up as a joker; it was funny, and I laughed.

Today, sitting by my window and reminiscing over that experience, I couldn’t help but learn a bold lesson.

Lesson Learned: Never Jump On Impulse

Have you ever been swept off your feet by someone you didn’t know all that well? Particularly if they are attractive.

It might have felt like a volcano just erupted, with your hormones roiling like molten lava.

What is Infatuation?

Have you ever been attracted to someone or something (say a posh bag or fancy shoe), only to later realized it wasn’t all that impressive? Well, infatuation isn’t that different.

Merriam-Webster dictionary refers to it as “a stupid or compulsively strong affection for, admiration for, or interest in someone or something: a passionate and unreasoning devotion.”

To put it another way, “it is an intense but fleeting passion or adoration for someone or something.”

Our brains are built to respond that way.

During such attractions, high levels of dopamine, the “feel-good” hormone, and norepinephrine are released in the brain. This makes us feel exuberant, energetic, and euphoric. And sometimes leading to decreased appetite and sleeplessness.

This thrilling experience is frequently referred to as “infatuation.”

If, like me, you’ve had such an experience or just heard it for the first time. Here is how to identify Infatuations and ways to overcome  “jumping on your impulse”. 

Also Read: 3 Dating Lessons I Learned From A Chef.

How do you know if it’s just infatuation?

I’ve identified 5 overt indicators you may be infatuated and ought to pause right now to reconsider. They include;

  1. Blind desire: You’re being “swept away” without adequate judgment or knowledge of the person or thing you feel strongly attracted to.
  1. Uncontrollable cravings: You seem to “loss break” on your emotions; driven by desire over which you have little or no control.
  1. Excessive altruistic sacrifice: You sacrifice everything and put your entire life on hold in order to satisfy or see them.
  1. Daydreaming: You can’t stop thinking about them – sometimes up to the point of not being able to sleep, eat or breathe properly.
  1. Distressing Thoughts: You constantly worry about how they perceive you, and what they are doing, or get tensed over things going wrong – causing you to feel weary.

Don’t be alarmed if you discover yourself doing one or more of the aforementioned actions. Here is a helpful guide on how to overcome infatuation.

Also Read: How To Make Girls Beg To Be With You

How To Overcome Infatuation

Join hundreds of other young people seeking to develop a mindset for unshakable happiness in a difficult society.

  1. Question Your Motif. Knowing what you want by asking insightful inquiries such as, “What do I actually want to happen?”, “Am I really looking for love or just horny?”, “Do I need a lover or do I need to feel loved? Asking oneself these questions is essential and answering them can save you from a lot of misery.
  2. Analyze your desires: “Why do I feel such a strong connection to this person?”, “Why now?” What past events “primed” you to react differently when you met the subject of your adoration? 
  3. Tread cautiously: If so far you haven’t gotten any genuine reason to follow this person, then limit your contact with them. Limiting contact with the subject of your infatuation is one of the best strategies for regaining control. 
  4. Be clear on what matters to you: Developing a clear understanding of what matters most to you is the greatest way to combat infatuation. Are they your spec? Do you like their personality? How about their religion and other ideologies? Are they compatible with you? Knowing the answer to these questions will help you decide if you should proceed or make a U-turn as I did.  

Also Read: Love Dilemma: How To Trust Your Gut And Make The Right Decision

In Conclusion: Madly Infatuated

Infatuation, like any other exuberant feeling, can drive you wild like a bull.

Did you just meet someone attractive? Take a pause, question your intentions, and analyze your desire. 

Infatuation can be tricky, and you don’t want to get lost in it or stuck with the wrong person. Remember, depression, and heartbreaks are real and painful experiences that are usually associated with failed and toxic relationships. So, always exercise patience, especially when it comes to “finding love”. 

Take your time and get to know this “person” in detail (even if you feel madly infatuated).

Ask all pertinent questions until your understanding is crystal clear, so you don’t repeat my story.

Join hundreds of other young people seeking to develop a mindset for unshakable happiness in a difficult society.

Kebin Kitoye is a melancholic with a wide range of interests. He is logical and people-oriented.

A highly driven and resourceful individual with customer success and retention experience.

He is a creative writer and growth manager for the Tendrilx ecosystem board.

He is committed to offering content excellence and growth strategies that will not only increase an organisation plan and corporate image but also help it achieve its objectives.

Join hundreds of other young people seeking to develop a mindset for unshakable happiness in a difficult society.

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