7 Steps To Break Up With Your Partner Without Hurting Them » Pawns: Grow Up - Level Up

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Naturally, we all hope for a genuine and lasting relationship. However, reality can sometimes crush those hopes, leading to a breakup.

Many reasons can lead to a breakup: growing apart, changing feelings, or simply not wanting a serious relationship at the moment. Yet, I’d say breaking up should be done with grace, kindness, and consideration [and, I’ll tell you why as we proceed].

In this post, you will learn;

Signs that your relationship is Dead-End
Worst ways to break up with someone.
How to find the courage to break up with someone, and
How to break up with someone without hurting them

So let’s begin…

5 Signs That Your Relationship Is Dead-End

It may not always be crystal clear where your relationship is headed. But there are signs or patterns which can help you decide on when to stick it out or break up with your partner.

Let’s take a good look at those signs:

No Emotion Connection

This is when the passion jet hits a turbulent patch. You are both somewhat devoid of affection, just tagging along, hesitating to open up, weary to share your deepest thoughts, do fun stuff together, and relish that sweet satisfaction along the journey.

No trust

Lack of trust is a quake of a healthy relationship. Like a tremor trembling a skyscraper, if your boyfriend or girlfriend has cheated, lied, or cracked your trust so many times, breaking up might start to look like a viable option for a fresh start, to rebuild your life on solid ground.

Poor communication

A relationship needs clear and open communication to stay on track. Like pilots and air traffic controllers – If the line of healthy communication breaks, trouble begins circling overhead like a storm, leading to flaming disagreements and quarrels that can bring your relationship crashing down like falling debris from the sky, with nowhere to hide.

Different value system

When you and your partner have different life goals and priorities, it’s like trying to navigate to the north while they want to go south on the same airplane. That’s the smell of a fatal crash – a relational uphill battle, as you both are not aligned on what you want from life.

Death of Intimacy

Intimacy is like jet fuel that keeps the relationship flying. When that fuel runs out, both physically and emotionally, it’s a sign that the relationship may be reaching its final chapter.

But, of course, not all relationships that show these signs are doomed. If you’re willing to put in the work, it may be possible to save your relationship. However, if you’ve tried everything and you’re still not happy, it may be time to let go. But you must avoid doing it the wrong way.

4 Worst Ways to Break Up With Someone

It’s advisable you avoid using any of the following tactics when you want to break up with your partner:

Text Messages

Today, we all use mobile phones and computers to communicate, even for breakup messages. I did it once. It felt easier, faster, and good. Although, it only works well when dealing with a toxic friend, or an abusive relationship.

But, for a relationship with genuine love and appreciation, using a text won’t suffice. No way! They won’t be pleased reading about it. It may create resentment and lead them to question your intentions, seeing it as disrespectful.

Ghosting

Ghosting doesn’t work either. When discussing relationships with my home boys, some suggest using avoidance to convey disinterest.

However, I disagree for two reasons. First, the relationship began with communication, so ending without communication isn’t sincere. Second, while it may seem less hurtful, the impact of your actions lingers and doesn’t always lead to you or them moving on automatically. Deep down, they may still be affected by your silence (which might be exactly what a player aims for, treating people as a game). But, if you’re a reasonable and kind person, silence should never be your go-to option.

Public Display Of Separation

Breaking up in public can be a safety measure in extreme cases, especially when dealing with abusers or toxic friends. However, in most situations, it’s not an ideal or happy scenario.

Public breakups often lead to emotional drama, leaving both parties upset and embarrassed. It can also result in feeling humiliated and in tears amidst the crowd of a busy street or bus stop. It’s important to handle breakups with care and consideration for both parties’ emotions and privacy.

Blindsiding Your Partner

Blindsiding is when someone unexpectedly delivers shocking or distressing news, catching the other person completely off guard. For instance, breaking up with your partner during an unrelated conversation about work, without any prior warning or indication, can be considered blindsiding.

This catches the other person completely off guard, leaving them surprised and unprepared for the situation. It can be emotionally distressing because the person receiving the news had no clue that something negative or significant was about to happen. It’s like leaving them stranded in a storm, hoping they’ll find their way out, but often they struggle to cope with the abruptness of it all.

It’s safe to say, one major reason why most people resort to the use of these tactics is because they lack the courage to do it the right way. So let’s quickly see how you can raise your courage bars.

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How to find the courage to break up with someone the right way

Breaking up is undeniably tough, even for the stoic. Sometimes, fear grips us, making it difficult to find the courage to express our intentions.

If you’re struggling to gather courage for a breakup, remember these ideas:

Painful moments will fade as everything changes.
It’s just a chapter, not the whole book of your life.
Losing someone who mistreats you is actually a gain.
This experience can be an opportunity for personal growth.
Staying in a hurtful relationship may hurt more than breaking up.
Eventually, both of you might be grateful for the decision you made.

Okay, pep talks are over: time to learn how you say it’s over without causing so much damage to the other person.

How To Break Up With Someone Without Hurting Them

The dead fact is; no one who is genuinely committed to a relationship will feel happy about a breakup. People, who don’t feel hurt about it, were not in the relationship at first or at least not committed to it.

Moreover, breaking up doesn’t always mean you don’t love your partner or they don’t love you (and this makes it even harder). If that’s your situation, you owe it to them to end things in the nicest way possible.

To do this;

Have an open and honest conversation with them in person

Communicate your feelings and reasons for the breakup with honesty, respect, and compassion. Being considerate and understanding can help ease the pain and make the process less hurtful for both of you.

Don’t drag it out or make a scene

Feeling angry, sad, and like the worst person ever is totally normal breakup behaviour. And secretly hoping your ex regrets losing you and wanting to dismantle their life, bit by bit? We’ve all been there, but let’s admit, it’s a bit like plotting a toddler’s revenge – unpredictable and potentially dangerous, like pushing someone down the stairs or smashing their face with a toy.

Take a deep breath, control yourself, and let it out privately with the other person. Grieve and express your pain, but avoid doing anything silly that’ll make you look like a drama-filled king or diva, such as throwing public Jabs, arguments over social media, or airing each other’s dirty laundry – which most celebrities often do (very disgusting and uncomfortable for everyone involved).

Avoid cliches or trying to make the other person feel better

In the past, I was guilty of making excuses, like “I just don’t want to hurt you” or “It’s not you, it’s me.” But these excuses don’t really help anyone, do they? They just leave the other person feeling baffled and hurt.

But now, I try to be as specific as possible about why I’m breaking up. I might say something like, “I’ve been feeling like we’re not on the same wavelength lately,” or “I’m not sure if I’m ready for a serious relationship right now.” And that has been a more productive approach. It provides the other person a clear perspective and helps them to move on quickly to find happiness with themselves or someone else.

Skip blaming the other person

It’s not fair to say that they did anything wrong. It’s simply that the relationship isn’t working for you anymore. Instead, focus on your own needs and what you’re looking for in a relationship.

Be kind and empathetic

Know that breaking up is hard for both people involved. Try to be understanding of the other person’s feelings, even if you are not feeling the same way. You might say something like, “I know this is hard to hear, but I hope you understand.”

Steer clear of false promises

After the breakup conversation, be sincere and stand firm in your decision. Emotions may persist, but don’t allow yourself to make promises you can’t keep. Don’t promise them happiness or friendship as this is out of your control.

Give yourself space to let things settle down

Avoid seeking closure or sex. Be the bigger person and stick to your practised script. Only consider being friends when you’ve truly moved on from the idea of dating them.

Conclusion: It’s okay to breakup with your partner.

Like the changing seasons, some relationships are not meant to last forever. Done right, breakups can be good for your personal growth and well-being.

If ending a relationship will improve your life, it’s okay to move forward but do so with kindness and consideration for the other person’s feelings as well.

Just like how trees shed their leaves to grow anew, parting ways can lead to positive changes and new beginnings for both individuals involved.

Other resources you might find useful:

David Ifeanyi

A mindful self-help writer and photographer