two men about to kiss

I KISSED A GIRL I DIDN’T LOVE [what is love for 20 years olds]

When I was younger, I used to think love was a feeling

I would wait expectantly for this feeling of euphoria whenever I was with someone I liked, but it never came.

It was mostly anxiety, and I asking myself if I truly loved this person.

I thought I was cold-hearted or something

It really bugged me…

But, as time dragged along, and I got to know more and more people

I started realizing a pattern

I started noticing that there were people that I just couldn’t watch getting hurt or see suffering

And, even though I didn’t feel like I loved them, they always felt like I did

I know because they told me…

I liked them, but I never considered it love.

I always thought I lacked love in my heart

20 years old and no girlfriend (ever) would surely make any guy question himself

But, then I looked back and realized something strange

I realized that most (actually all) of the people I’ve seen “in love” over the years had ended it.

Wait!

This can’t be love.

I know my parents love me. I know my siblings love me. And never has our love ceased.

Especially not over them loving another person

My definition of love started to morph

My eyes opened, and I realized that the feeling of euphoria I have been imagining was rather a burst of hormones in our brains…

… designed to get us ready to have sex

Sure, I’ve felt this feeling before, but it was usually when I saw unclad ladies

This feeling is animalistic – I concluded

It is all a sneaky way the body tricks humans into procreating…it has nothing to do with love.

The Buddhists say “if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.”

As I meditated on and studied love, and what it entails, I began to understand the truth…

I realized that I’ve been in love all my life

I’ve loved all my friends…I’ve loved even the people that lied to me. The ones that hurt me. And, even those that used me.

I’ve loved them to sacrifice for them.

To comfort them

To advice them

To forgive them

And to simply be there for them

What I was chasing was rather highs that were fast fleeting (usually after the 10th-50th orgasm)

People make the mistake of saying love, whilst they just mean a desire to “consume”, “conquer”, and “gratify”.

We say we love fish, but then we kill and eat it. This is a lie. It isn’t love for fish, it’s love for eating fish.

People who love fishes build aquariums. They don’t eat the fishes

Love is rather the action, not the feelings.

Love is subtle, and even a bit painful.

It requires constant struggle and alarming sacrifices

Think about dying for someone, against gagging them in the corner of the bed moaning with pleasure.

There’s a clear difference between these two actions.

Sure you can hump on the one you love, but that isn’t the love (even though it is termed “lovemaking”)

***

Dedicated to all my friends

#love

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