Unreciprocated Love [+8 Secrets To Receiving The Love You Deserve]8 min read

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As a fresher on campus, I had several crushes. They were mostly my tall, dark and handsome senior colleagues – my ideal kind of man. Hence, it was not surprising when I agreed to date one of them immediately he asked. I was head over heels in love with him. I could do anything for him. I initially thought the feeling was mutual. However, this did not stand the test of time as he soon started treating me like I did not matter.

Initially, I would blame myself. Maybe I was not doing enough. Gradually, I started complaining about it, yet he wouldn’t change. I went ahead to involve our mutual friends yet that was futile. At some point, it began to affect my physical and mental well-being. The taste of salt on my lips after crying my eyes out had become my norm; all because my love wasn’t being reciprocated. 

What Is Unreciprocated Love?

Unreciprocated love, also known as “One-sided love” or “Unrequited love”, is when you have strong feelings of affection for someone who doesn’t feel the same way. It’s like sitting on one end of a seesaw hoping to have fun, but the other person refuses to sit on the other end. No matter how much you wish for things to work out, it’s not going to because the other person is not interested.

Unlike rejection, unreciprocated love is more painful because there is this sense of constant longing that is never fulfilled. You are up close with your beloved, but for some reason which you can’t place your hands on, they do not want to be with you. If outright rejection is a slap to the face, then unreciprocated love is torture in a dungeon. 

Luckily, I attended a program for singles and “Unreciprocated love” was extensively discussed. For a moment, it felt as though I was the one being talked about because that was exactly what I was facing. As the speaker advised, I realized that I could walk out of that dungeon anytime and stop the misery.  I left the miserable relationship and every time I look back, I’m glad I did. 

How Do You Deal With Unreciprocated Love? 8 Tips to Help You Get The Love You Deserve

The following seemingly simple tips could save you months, years, or a lifetime of psychological pain due to unreciprocated love.

Love Yourself 

Loving yourself involves accepting your strengths and weaknesses. It will help you see in yourself what your partner sees in you, and more importantly, what they fail to see in you.

According to a relationship expert, Gina Swire, “The depth you can go to with a partner and the space you can hold for each other reflects that which you have grown into yourself”

You need to love yourself first before expecting someone else to love you. 

If you do not love yourself, you would not believe that anybody who claims to love you actually does (no matter how much they try to prove it).

Express Your Feelings

We often make the mistake of assuming that people know how we feel about them and thus expect them to feel and act the same way towards us. You may be head over heels in love with someone, but if you never tell them how you feel about them, they may never know. Hence, they won’t act towards you with the love and energy that you expect.

Understand Your Love Language

Each person sees and feels things in their own unique way, just like how we all taste food differently. Our experiences and perspectives shape how we understand the love around us.

According to Gary Chapman, there are 5 love languages which include:

  • gifts
  • quality time
  • acts of service
  • physical touch
  • word of affirmation 

Your love language is your love map. The map that leads to your heart. It is how you want to be loved. A man may be helping his wife out with house chores as a way of expressing love (that is, acts of service). Yet the wife does not feel loved by her husband. This is because she desires gifts that her husband only gives on rare or special occasions. This takes us to the next point…

Practice Communicating Your Needs

It is difficult to meet the needs of kids when they cry because you do not know if they want food, toys, or something else. So also, without clear communication, your partner may struggle to know what you need and, hence may not be able to meet your needs

To be able to receive the love you deserve, you must first know your love language and then, communicate it clearly.

Don’t assume that the other person knows how you want to be loved; they are not telepaths and may have an entirely different love language. Also, don’t be ashamed to express it. 

As much as you can, always discuss your needs with your partner, friends, family or anyone you’re in a relationship with. 

Learn to be more Vulnerable 

If you have ever been heartbroken, lost a loved one, or experienced a one-sided relationship, you may not want to ever let your defences down for fear of getting hurt again. But to receive love, you must be vulnerable. To achieve this, you must

  • live in the moment.
  • open your heart to love.
  • stop being afraid of loss.
  • trust people when they tell you they love you.

Be open to receiving, and saying yes to dates, movie nights, etc.

Give Love Freely

Like karma, you get what you give. To get love, you need to give love. Do things to show the other person that you value them. These could be

·       Listening to each other’s problems.

·       Trusting and respecting each other’s decisions.

·       Spending time together like going on dates, watching movies, etc

Invest More in Those Who Make You Feel Loved 

One-sided relationships, whether platonic, romantic or familial, make you feel unloved and unworthy of love. 

Don’t waste your time, efforts and emotions in toxic relationships hoping that in the future, the other person sees that you love them. That future will come, but you will be the one hurting. You get less love from toxic relationships than you would without them.

So, focus your time, energy, and resources on those who are already showing you that they care – i.e. on those who make you feel loved.

Be Realistic

Your expectations about the attention and love you would receive should not go overboard. Don’t expect what you see in the movies or social media. We both know most of those things are not practical.

Love is not always expressed by buying expensive gifts, kissing in public, or flattering your partner. Yes, those things may be nice, but they may not happen all the time or to the degree you’ve seen on media in your relationship. And that is okay.

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Conclusion: Unreciprocated Love Is a Sign That You’re Meant To Be With Someone Else.

Nowadays, I give the energy I get – as it should be. It has to be mutual, or else, I am out. And this has saved me a lot of emotional distress and pain that comes with unreciprocated love.

Unreciprocated love is a sign that you’re meant to be with someone else.

For any relationship to work, love must be two-sided. To receive the love you deserve, you need to love yourself, know your love language and communicate it, let your guard down, express your feelings, be open to giving love, invest your love in those who make you feel loved, and lastly, be realistic. 

Start practicing the above steps today and you will be amazed at the kind of relationships you’ll build. 

Go out there and get all the love you deserve, and enjoy your best life.

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