It’s not uncommon to see people talking to, and getting back with their ex. A study found that close to half of college students reported having contact with an ex after breaking up. The study also found that people were more likely to stay in touch with an ex if they had feelings for the ex, had amicable breakups, or were not over the breakup.
Most times it’s because we are more human (flesh and blood). When we remember pleasant experiences, we often want to go back to get more.
However, relationships are not always perfect. In fact, the problems that might have led to your breakup were probably the ugly parts. Nevertheless, good experiences – like having dinner at a restaurant, watching 3 am cartoons under the sheets, or coupling in a bed filled – can create nostalgia, and get you running back to your ex – like a kid who frequents the candy shop for more and more candies.
It’s very much normal if you feel like getting back with your Ex-lover, chances are they want you back too. Either way, you should take certain precautionary steps to avoid getting hurt, or hurting your ex again.
In this post, you will learn;
- What to ask yourself before returning to your ex.
- Signs that your ex wants you back.
- How to talk and act around your ex
- How to Control your emotions around your ex.
- How to avoid getting jealous of your ex.
What To Ask Yourself Before Returning To Your Ex.
Getting back with your ex requires asking yourself some brutal, honest questions before making the move. Here are some examples of such questions:
Why did we break up?
Ask yourself what the problem was. Was one of you unfaithful? did you both fall out of love, was the communication poor? Was it because of your different value systems or unresolved conflict or fear of committing to your partner?
What have I learned from the breakup?
After finding out the problem, ask yourself what you have done to grow and change as a person. How would I react differently if previous problems resurface? Have my ex and I changed since we broke up? Are we better equipped to handle the challenges of a relationship now?
What do I want from a relationship?
What are my needs and expectations? Are my ex’s values and goals compatible with mine? Is this something serious for the long term or are we settling for friends with benefits? Are we both willing to put in the work to make the relationship work? Because relationships take work, even when things are good. Are both of us willing to put in the effort to communicate effectively, resolve conflict, and build trust?
Am I getting back together with my ex for the right reasons?
Am I trying to fill a void in my life? Am I afraid of being alone? Or am I genuinely interested in rekindling the relationship? If so, why?
If you can answer these questions honestly, you will be in a better position to decide whether or not getting back together with your ex is the right thing for you.
What Are The Signs That Your Ex Wants To Get Back Together
- If your ex is reaching out to you, whether through texts, calls, social media, or in person, it’s a positive indication that they want to rekindle the relationship.
- They frequently compliment you, expressing their attraction and admiration. Or talk to friends about how much they miss you or still love you.
- They show genuine interest in your life, asking about your work, friends, and family, which demonstrates their continued investment in you.
- They actively seek to spend time with you, asking to hang out or go on dates, displaying their desire to be together.
- They talk about the future with their friends or yours, discussing long-term plans like marriage or having a family, indicating they see you as a part of their life ahead.
Not every one of the boxes is going to be checked but each suggests that they might be contemplating the idea. And if you are satisfied with the outcome, learning how to communicate your opinions to your Ex is necessary. One cannot tango, it takes two to agree.
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How To Talk To Your Ex About Getting Back Together
Talking to your ex about getting back together can make it easier to move on or give you closure and a chance to get back. But to do this without messing it up;
- Start with small talk. This will help you both relax and get into the conversation. Once you’re feeling more comfortable, you can start to talk about other topics.
For example; “I saw you on Facebook the other day. You were at that party with [x], right?”
Or you could ask them what they think about the latest news, a movie you’ve both seen or a book you’re both reading.
This also means, don’t be too pushy, don’t make promises about the future you can’t keep, and don’t try to make them feel bad for breaking up with you. These will only make them less likely to want to get back together. Be patient. It may take some time for your ex to feel comfortable and trust you again.
However, Be honest about your feelings. If you’re still hurt or angry about the breakup, it’s okay to say so. But don’t dwell on the negative. Instead, tell your ex why you want to get back together and what you think has changed since you broke up.
- Choose the right time and place to talk. Trying to discuss the possibility of getting back together with your ex when they are emotionally charged or under high stress is not a wise move. It’s widely known that individuals in such states are prone to making impulsive decisions and struggle to empathize with others. This can hinder productive conversations, as they might say things they don’t truly mean or react in unhelpful ways.
- Be prepared to listen and compromise. Your ex may have some things they want to say to you, give them the love to speak, listen, and only interject in-between if you must, but allow themselves to the very end. Don’t interrupt or try to defend yourself.
In the process of communicating your ex may seem unsure about getting back together, be willing to compromise. Maybe you can start as close friends and see how things go.
- Be respectful. Even if it didn’t work out with your Ex, no cause for alarm. Sometimes, people simply need to move on for their well-being.
Or it could be that they need some time to think about what you’ve said. Give your ex some space. Don’t bombard them with texts or calls after you’ve talked to them.
- Be confident. Show your ex that you’re happy and content with your life. People are more likely to be persuaded by someone who they believe is confident and competent.
- Always try to end a conversation on a positive note. Even if you don’t agree or resolve all of your issues, thank your ex for their time and let them know that you hope they do well with themselves.
At the end of the day, the decision to get back together with your ex is entirely in their hands. Following these tips, only enhance your chance of having a productive conversation that may lead to a positive outcome.
How To Control Yourself Around Your Ex
Staying composed and calm when interacting with your ex requires self-control. After a breakup, you might feel a mix of emotions like anger, sadness, regret, jealousy, and lust. Managing these feelings can be challenging, especially if you encounter your ex often.
Upon separating from an ex, I was so angry and bitter that I couldn’t move on. I would take detours to avoid seeing her, and I would get so angry at myself when I saw her with another guy. I felt like I had been played, and I was determined to show her that she had made a mistake. However, this was the wrong approach. I was only hurting myself by dwelling on the past. Soon, I realized I needed to do it for myself.
I decided to make a change. I started working out, eating healthier, consuming a lot of helpful books, and dressing better. I wanted to present myself to the world as a confident and attractive man.
It wasn’t easy at first. I had to confront a lot of my insecurities. But I kept at it, and eventually, I started to see results. I felt better about myself, and I started to attract more attention from women.
here are a few rules of thumb that might help you, whether you are a male or female;
- Take some time for yourself. After a breakup, it’s important to take some time for yourself to process your emotions. This means spending time with friends and family, doing things that make you happy, and taking care of yourself physically and mentally.
- Avoid contact with your ex. If you can, it’s best to avoid contact with your ex for a while. This will give you time to heal, gain a better perception of things and probably move on.
- Talk to someone you trust. If you’re struggling to cope with your emotions, talk to someone you trust, such as a friend, family member, or therapist.
- Remember that you’re not alone. Breakups are tough, but you’re not alone. Millions of people go through breakups every year.
Now, let’s discuss jealousy. When someone feels jealous, they can easily lose control, get angry, and create problems.
How Not to Be Jealous of Your Ex
Jealousy is a normal yet risky emotion. In the case of an Ex, it’s often the feeling of regret for what you missed out on and the wish that it was you instead of someone else. But it’s a wasted emotion.
It’s like a roller coaster that takes you up and down, only to leave you back where you started – level depression and resentment. It doesn’t change anything. Rather than staying jealous…
Acknowledge your feelings. If you feel jealous, that’s okay. Millions of people are jealous every day. You’re not alone. I feel jealous too. But you must find reasons to avoid regrets and obsessing about what could have been. You need to acknowledge that happiness is not a constant state and you might never get what you want. That’s life.
Instead of focusing on your ex, focus on yourself. Spend time with people who care, pursue your passion or career, and work on your happiness – it’s a choice and a skill that can be learned.
When you do this, you’ll find that you’re no longer as bothered by your Ex.
Conclusion: Reflect on Your Actions, Take Responsibility For Past Relationship Troubles.
Expecting your relationship to return to exactly how it was before can be problematic. If you do get back together, things might be different.
Both of you have likely grown and changed since the breakup, so be ready to adapt to the new situation. Look at this as a chance to grow personally.
Take time to reflect on your behaviour, acknowledge your weaknesses, and put in the effort to become a better version of yourself and make the most out of the relationship.
You might find these resources helpful:
- How To Make Girls Beg To Be With You
- How To Get a Girlfriend [A Full Guide]
- Why She/he asks “Do you love me?” Constantly [what to do]
- How To Kiss Someone You Love In 7 Steps [+ 7 Parallel Life Lessons From Kissing Romantically]
- The 5 Laws of Healthy Relationships
A mindful self-help writer and photographer