A Year To Grok: Dick David’s Living Eulogy [On Being 28]

I am Dick David. I write to live. And live to understand. Understanding that comes from lived lives. Lives that are often hard to understand, but once understood, must be written about.

I think of Isaac Newton, and a falling apple comes to mind. Jesus Christ, and a man hanging on a cross comes to mind. Michael Jackson, and a man stepping forward while drifting backwards, come to mind.

Most have heard of them, but not so many have grokked them – not so many have understood them deeply to the point that their identity blends, intermarries, and becomes one with these individuals.

To grok Newton is to be rooted in science. To grok Jesus is to be rooted in love. To grok Michael is to be rooted in passion. The more I grok people and things, the more I am indistinguishable from them: Strangers see me as a person of science, friends testify to my love, and clients pay for my passion.

Yet, this year, I have come to struggle with groking three things in my own life: my desire for connection, my desire for security, and my desire for meaning and purpose. And that is exactly what this year’s eulogy is all about.

To Grok Your Life – at 28

This felt like the fastest year of my life so far. It genuinely felt like this was still part of last year. At a point, I couldn’t tell what happened this year from what happened last year.

While my last year’s eulogy ended in what felt like a divine script, this year felt like a violent ripping apart of that script by indifferent reality.

The meanings and interpretations I had woven into things were severely challenged, and most of them broke abruptly.

I got more serious with my girlfriend, but broke up with her. I saved up over a million naira, but was in debt by my birthday. I thought I had figured out my career until AI made me question everything.

But, like a fire burning a grassland, I could finally see what was underneath everything: 

• My desire for connection, 
• My desire for security, and 
• My desire for meaning and purpose.

The consequence of these realisations – not just on an intellectual level, but on a deep, personal, and practical level – I was driven to make changes which have left me far more fulfilled and grounded than I was last year.

Why I Really Need a Girlfriend

I grew up in a very religious home. My Dad was literally an ordained Pastor. And so, from little, a thousand scriptures had been drummed down into my subconscious about Sin and Righteousness, Blessing and Curses, Heaven and Hell. I had also picked up the mantle, so to speak, and had been a teen preacher in my secondary school.

So, it is no surprise that I never had a girlfriend all this time, and I genuinely found it perplexing that someone who called themselves a Christian would have a girlfriend. As far as I could tell, having sex with someone you weren’t married to was fornication, a sin that “defiled the flesh”. And so, when puberty kicked in, and I started feeling the desire to have sex myself, I felt conflicted.

At the time, I took everything literally – my mind has always taken things that way. I was not one of those who could mentally bypass the idea that such things offended God. Even if my biology was pulling me forward to mate, my beliefs were pulling me backwards to consecrate. It felt like being dragged on the floor by a mindless beast. It was a frustration that I could only resolve when I let go of my beliefs and hopped on my biology to understand my needs as a human. It was not a smooth or painless transition.

That said, I am triggered when anything remotely close to “purity”, “holiness”, or “sin” is mentioned near me. If something cannot be explained clearly with regard to our nature as humans, I do not take it seriously.

• I can cut down on alcohol because it is bad for my body. 
• I can cut off smoking because it is detrimental to my body. 
• I can cut down on carbonated drinks because they are bad for my body. 

What I won’t do is stay away from sex – which is good for my body system and humanity at large.

It took a long time, but I finally came to not just wish for sex, but to actively seek it. I came to fully embrace my sexuality, and that is exactly why I can never shame anyone for their sexuality, even if it may be different from mine – even if they are LGBTQ+. Because I understand deeply what it feels like to bottle up your sexual desires – out of fear, guilt, shame, or worse.

Now, a huge part – if not the defining thing – about having a girlfriend is sex. I have a lot of female friends who, even if they offered sex, I would reject. I know about arranged marriages where people skip dating and go straight into negotiations. But if we are going to be dating, having sex is non-negotiable for me. Not just because it is good for my body system, but because it strengthens our bond and adds happiness to our relationship.

There is a level of connection that is simply unexplored until you have had intimate sex with another, and continue to do so – being vulnerable, trusting, and reaffirming each other. You grok each other’s body and psyche – emotional wounds, trauma, pride, joys, accomplishments, angers, frustrations, and so much more. It is an experience that can get better over time, transcending words or even art itself. It can literally be a spiritual experience that helps you transcend yourself and have another as a part of you.

I need a girlfriend because that is a kind of experience you can never have outside of an intimate relationship – not with your siblings, a prostitute, or a sex toy. To be deprived sex, or for it to be given any other way, is to rob the relationship of this very richness.

And, the best sex doesn’t start when you take off your clothes, it starts when: 

• You genuinely love this person 
• You trust them with your secrets 
• You support them with all you’ve got 
• You are willing to take risks and endure pain for them 
• You deeply, madly, senselessly want to hold them close to you as you go through life

If there is a reason that precludes this – say, religious views, insecurities, or worse, suspicions – then I do not want to waste another fleeting second with you.

Although I am currently single, I am not in a rush to settle for anything other than this – there are already enough unhappy, sexless, and frustrating relationships out there for me to be in a hurry to add to that.

For now, I take the time to improve and better understand myself.

Why I Really Need Money

I grew up in a household where there was seldom money for pleasures, and even the necessities were often met with complaints of scarcity. My Dad was a mechanic; each naira came with literally sweat and pain. I have seen my dad smash his fingers with a hammer, get burnt by hot exhausts, get shocked by spark plugs, guzzle up petrol by accident, get owed money, get harassed by the police, and return home every single day stained with grease. If my dad complained about money, I understand. But I have also understood that it is not the relationship I want to have with money.

As much as I need money, I do not want a naira that is linked with pain, or those scars my dad had to bear. And, I believe the greatest respect I can give to my dad is rewarding his tireless effort to train me in the best schools he could afford with a life that is drastically different from his. And that is exactly what I intend to do, or die trying.

• I don’t need money to show off to anyone out there. 
• I don’t need money to feed endless desires. 
• I don’t need money to save the world. 

I simply need money to be free – to be able to sustain myself, my family, and my dreams.

• I am not ready to do any and everything just to make money. 
• I am not ready to trade my life and sanity for money, and 
• Neither am I ready to give up my dignity for it.

This is not to say I won’t work hard or smart to make money.

• I think long and hard about money.
• I put in work all day of the week to make money. 
• I plan, put things in place, and sacrifice to make money.

And I am addicted to this way of earning money.

• I have sold hundreds of ebooks and courses without breaking a sweat. 
• I have researched and written for money without getting greasy, and 
• I have Google AdSense on our website collecting cents while I sleep.

None of that is easy. It takes time, skill, and dedication. And, it is not a dream that materialises for everyone. It is an aspiration some friends and family members may not quite get. But it is a dream I feel destined for.

It has worked for many people. I look up to people like Mark Manson, Linda Ikeji, and Chimamanda Adichie, just to name a few.

• I might be doing a lot of things wrong. 
• I might need to put more effort. And, 
• I might need to be a little more patient. 

But the little results I see make me hopeful. Hopefully, in the not-so-distant future, I will start making enough money to be free from money anxieties.

Of course, I know there are people who really do enjoy sweating, lifting heavy engine parts, tightening nuts and bolts, and setting the timing of an engine. This is not to ridicule their passion. And heck, there are people who are super-rich and content just doing that, just like there are people who would lose their minds trying to write this single blog post, which I have been sitting for hours now slogging out.

My emphasis was simply on making money in a way that doesn’t add unhappiness to you, and while my dad might have really loved his job as a mechanic, I can’t help but believe the way and rate he was earning from it was painful.

That aside, this year I had months where I was dead broke and had to break into my savings, traveled and stayed in places which my entire net worth could not afford past a couple of hours for free, and also had instances where I both earned and was gifted money I didn’t think I deserved because I didn’t really think I did anything worthwhile for the giver.

All these came to nudge me to reconsider my relationship with money. To think about it not necessarily as something to be earned through sweat alone, but as something extended by people – extended towards anything and anyone they choose.

This explains why OnlyFans models who appeal to rich men sometimes earn more than NBA stars do, why people who serve the crowd—be it comedians or SaaS founders—get a lot of money, and why people who hold public offices or are very influential might choose not to care about money, as their needs can be “handled” by supporters.

The question becomes: which people are you serving, and how do you get in their good graces?

A lot of the most useful things I have gotten this year, I did not even know their cost. My best friend Wisdom gifted me a wireless mouse, which removed a lot of frustration from my work. My cousin Clement gifted me a laptop stand, which makes writing for extended periods very comfortable, plus, it keeps the laptop well-ventilated. My friend Tobechukwu gave me his iPhone at a very discounted rate, and then went further to use his own money to fix the little issue the phone had before sending it over to me.

These are not the works of digits on a bank account or crypto wallet; they are the doings of the hands of people

Why I Really Need a Career

I grew up in a family where everyone was a top performer. My sisters always topped the class (they all graduated with a first class). To the best of my knowledge, my dad was not only a great Pastor but the best mechanic in our small town (other people testified to this both when he was alive and after he passed). And my mom is extremely dedicated to her work, even when the weather and her health pushed against her (she is currently a headmistress). All this to say, I didn’t grow up in a family where slacking was tolerated – in fact, it was mercilessly punished (and perhaps, why I am my own worst critic).

But, beyond winning or standing out, what is most inspiring about my family is that the competition is on something meaningful and constructive. My parents would never applaud you for cheating your way to success – be it academically or financially. My siblings would frown at you if you so much as use a cheat code to beat a video game (except when you are playing a game like GTA, and not a combat game with another person). And I simply cannot bring myself to take certain shortcuts in life (which might also explain why I didn’t hop on the train of publishing thousands of content on the blog using AI tools – a tempting offer which came to bite many in the ass as Google rolled out spam updates).

I can’t recall how many times I have run into this wall: 

• Choosing not to start a WhatsApp TV that shares pornographic content just to get viewers (it is not that I don’t know where to get the most erotic content) 
• Choosing not to sell copyrighted materials just to make quick money (it is not that I don’t know where to find or how to crack software) 
• Choosing not to give hot takes on social media just to get followers (it is not that I don’t know how to say things in a way that triggers people).

And, while taking those paths initially felt like giving up something, I have, in fact, found that they were the greatest gains. I was forced to 

• Devour books in order to share educational and intellectually stimulating content. 
• Write entire books and record entire courses just to see something original to sell. 
• Slow down and find the nuance in discussions, so that I am both well-informed and can better inform those who reach out to me for important life decisions.

Of course, just like the video games, or studying all night for a test, or manually typing each word of this content, it is hard, and the reward might seem to be far. But, again, it forces you to discover a different type of treasure – one that is already deep within you.

• The intellectual growth and solidifying a good reputation. 
• The accumulation of digital assets and building of a solid portfolio. 
• The genuine and healthy approach you take to things and relationships you build as a consequence.

Those are things money cannot buy. They must be earned. Day by day. Effort by effort.

I don’t really need a career that feels like a truckload of perishable fruits. But one that feels like a tree that grows, and would, from season to season, bring fruits in the hundreds, thousands, and tens of thousands.

This year, having to find myself going toe-to-toe with AI writing tools and losing my sanity on several occasions, forced me to remember why I started on this writing career path in the first place: It was never just about the writing, but the impact. And so, I stepped out of the ring, and started focusing on the impact I was making.

I doubled down on our community, started reading more, exercising, and getting more intentional about how the things I shared impacted members. And, so far, it seems to be the right decision. For a start, I felt more connected, a greater sense of purpose with my work.

Although I got a lot of heartfelt messages on my birthday, here is one unexpected message that I found quite interesting:

“Happy birthday, Mr Dick David. On this special day, I celebrate not just your life, but the depth, clarity, and impact of your voice as a writer. Your work continues to inspire, challenge, and shape many minds – including mine. Thank you for the excellence you consistently bring to your craft and for the insight your words offer to the world…” – Emmanuella Joseph

Conclusion: To Deeply Understand Yourself Is One of The Greatest Accomplishments In Life

In seeking to grok connection, security, and purpose in my life at 28, the year went by in a blur.

• Numerous times, I had to reevaluate my relationships.
• Numerous times, I had to reevaluate our offer and positioning, and
• Numerous times, I had to contemplate where I was headed with all these (would I keep doing this till I am 40?)

Nevertheless, I think the struggle, uncertainty, and confusion forced the most mental and emotional growth on my end. I won’t say I have gotten everything figured out.

• I am still single
• I am still broke, and
• I am searching for ways to be more helpful to the world.

Yes, I am a bit embarrassed, a bit anxious, and a bit overwhelmed. But, I still believe I am on the right path – just “taking some random walks with drifts” as my friend, Ifeanyi, would say. And random walks are not always mindless walks.

Just like groking the lives of Newton, Jesus, or Michael can make you more like them, so too groking your life makes you more you. And, perhaps, that on its own is one of the greatest accomplishments in life.

***

In the year 2025, I am grateful for all my friends and family. I can’t list you all here, nor can I state all you did. From the airtime and data to the check-in and repost of my content online, I feel deeply honoured.

Special shoutout, but in no specific order, to:

• Clement, my cousin, for taking my mom as his and providing for the household even more than I could. His presence made Home more homely.
• Elizabeth, a good friend, for living so fully and authentically it inspired me to look deeper and live truer.
• Wisdom, my best friend. For giving me space to be my unpolished self, and gifting me a wireless mouse, which has added a lot of ease to my work throughout the year.
• Glad, a dear friend, for the care, support, and seeing me, not as a perfect person, but as someone whose intentions are pure.
• James, a long-time friend, for helping me fix my malfunctioning keyboard, trusting me with some of his projects, and providing support in other big and small ways.
• Ifeanyi, a close friend, whom I had to lean on when I was crashing out, both in business and in my personal life.
• Victoria, a dear and long-time friend, for patronising my business, and also gifting me money on my birthday.

I truly appreciate you all.

See you on the 29th.

Keep groking.

***

P.S.:  Don’t only dream of your life becoming better. Join a community of people bettering their lives. Don’t wait for the New Year. Start today. Interested? Click here.