Think of a relationship like two people deciding to watch TV together. The quality of the relationship depends on how much they both enjoy the time (together) watching any show.
And just like watching TV, being in a relationship can fill people with happiness as much as it can lead to frustration and fights – just ask the kids who squabble over the channel to see.
In this piece, we will use this TV allegory to illustrate how you can improve your overall experience in relationships moving forward.
What Does Compatibility in a Relationship Look Like?
Just like in childhood, where you don’t own the TV, in adulthood, you also don’t necessarily own a relationship – it is simply something that you find in front of you once you agree to commit to someone.
If you enjoy similar genres — thrillers, rom-coms, documentaries – every moment spent in front of the screen deepens the connection, as it is mutually enjoyed. Same way, if your lifestyle and values align in a relationship, it becomes enjoyable. That’s what compatibility is all about.
This is why the best dating advice is to start working on yourself first, which typically requires self-awareness, self-love, and a commitment to personal development. Because, if you don’t know which shows you like – i.e. your values and lifestyle – how can you find someone who likes similar shows? Proceeding otherwise is a formula for frustration and bitterness.
After that crucial first step, the next critical thing is to aim to only date people who are working on themselves too – people who know the shows they want to see.
(Needless to say, this lack of awareness in young lovers is exactly why their relationships often fall apart.)
“To say ‘I love you’ one must know first how to say the ‘I’.” — Ayn Rand
When people get into a relationship with this clarity and deep respect for themselves, they don’t seek the relationship from a place of insufficiency, or lose themselves in trying to meet the other person – they don’t just want to sit and see a show they don’t like because a TV is in front of them – but rather they look to share an experience with someone interested in the same things as they are.
The focus is not on the individuals, but on the health and dynamics of the relationship (the show). It’s like first getting to know if they prefer Hollywood as opposed to Nollywood or Bollywood.
How to Handle Inconveniences in Relationships
Sometimes, even if you both love Hollywood, chances are that you would not fully enjoy each other’s choices. But this doesn’t always mean a relationship can’t work.
Like Alain de Botton once said, “Compatibility is an achievement of love and not a precondition of it”. Sometimes, you need to work this out.
Maybe you both love art, but one prefers visiting art galleries while the other would rather attend a concert; or you both want to raise a family, but one wants four kids, while the other wants just two. These are inconveniences that can be worked on, and compromises can be reached.
One can decide to maybe develop an interest in the pieces in the gallery, learn a thing or two, while the other learns to sit still and learn to find enjoyment in the vocals at the concert. Both parties can agree to have three children instead of two or four. That way, both sacrifice a little to gain something more – the happiness and respect of the other.
It is like learning to sit through that romantic comedy, even if you are more of a science fiction guy. Or even finding that movie that blends romance with science fiction.
Signs of Incompatibility in a Relationship
However, when both dislike each other’s tastes — when one prefers Bollywood romance over Hollywood thrillers — then no matter how much they like each other, they just can’t enjoy the time together. That’s incompatibility.
Incompatibility is having different values, worldviews, or lifestyles that constantly clash, sometimes violently. There is almost no way of finding a middle ground without making both parties miserable.
“Compromise isn’t about making everyone happy, compromise is making sure nobody’s miserable” – Mark Manson
For example, if a born-again Christian, who goes out of their way to evangelise at every opportunity they get, tries to get into a relationship with a militant atheist, who won’t miss the chance to call out the issues they see in religion, then they are set for regular fights at dinner tables. Or, someone who goes to the gym daily, is intentional about their diet, and goes for regular checkups, trying to make it work with someone who doesn’t exercise, eats junk food, and avoids medical checkups (even when made free).
Incompatibility is like the kind of frustration that builds as you begin to contemplate how stupid and annoying a show is, coupled with the fact that not only are you wasting your time on it, but that you are missing out on the opportunity to see a show or movie you really, really love.
Why Understanding Compatibility Matters in Relationships
No relationship is perfect, and how well both parties understand and manage compatibility, inconveniences, and incompatibility is what determines if both people will be fulfilled, unsatisfied, or miserable.
Why?
Because doing life together is like having just one TV and one time slot. You don’t get to play two different shows at once. Attention, time, and energy are limited.
If your visions for life keep pulling in opposite directions — parenting, money, spirituality — you may end up watching something neither of you likes. Or worse, constantly fighting over the remote. And that is where toxicity emerges – not out of malice, but differences.
When to Walk Away from a Relationship
As I have grown older, I have found that honesty and the ability to empathise and understand the next person are more important than feelings or even titles in terms of preserving the well-being of both parties.
(You can have chemistry, be officially dating or married, and even have children, but those on their own do not mean you are good for each other.)
This is why things like rejection, arguments, or even divorce don’t, on their own, worry me as much as how the parties involved engaged and took it.
Sometimes, rejection of a romantic relationship in favour of just friendship is good because it avoids the problems that lie ahead. The long and passionate arguments are good because the inconvenience needs to be removed or better managed. And, other times, the divorce is crucial to end the problems that threaten the well-being of one or both parties (though, having kids together makes this far more complicated).
On the flip side, love at first sight, forgiveness, and even getting back together can also be lovely. The spontaneous spark might be what is needed when two people who find that they are compatible see each other. Forgiveness is good when the inconvenience that was hurting one or more parties has been resolved. And getting back together is great when a problem that was driving one or both parties crazy has ceased to persist.
Conclusion: Love Is When You Can Hand Over The Remote.
In all these, coming into the relationship with the mindset (of unconditional love), framework (of mutual respect), and approach (of intentional communication) is critical.
And I must warn, while the TV illustration has done a great job so far, it may not capture every scenario, so don’t hold onto it like some infallible model.
The core point is that, when it comes to core values, big decisions, and life strategies, you need alignment, or at the very least, mutual respect and shared direction. Otherwise, no matter how good the vibe is, it probably won’t last past a few episodes before one or both parties start resenting the other.
It is also important not to confuse inconvenience with incompatibility. A partner who doesn’t like your favourite show isn’t a problem — if they’re still willing to sit beside you. But when sitting together feels like suffering for one or both, that’s a sign.
In a sense, love can be gauged by how comfortable you are with handing over the remote.
And, sometimes, that means leaving them with the remote so they can find someone who truly enjoys the same show as they do, while you do the same.
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Dick David is a freelance SEO content writer and editor with over 7 years of experience in content writing, digital marketing, and sales. He is the founder of Pawns Digital Agency. Throughout his career, he has authored over 4 books, published hundreds of SEO articles attracting thousands of monthly visitors, ghostwritten numerous works, and edited hundreds of content pieces across various industries. Currently, he works with Robert Taylor Media and has also worked with Tobi Digitals and Branditechture Design Agency, among others.