The desire to be special isn’t something we learn; it is innate, deep-rooted in our psyche. Although it provides evolutionary advantages and a sense of transcendent meaning, a fundamental question arises – are you actually special if this desire and belief is shared by all other humans, are you truly special? Most importantly, if truly you are special, what is it that makes you special as a person?
The World Doesn’t Revolve Around You.
Right from birth, we (as children) crave and get a lot of attention of our guardians. We would cry at every bit of inconvenience. But, as we grow older, we begin to see that our guardians need their own space, time and privacy, and this forces us to grow more independent – even if it means distracting ourselves with games and toys.
At first, it is all good because they still buy us toys, treat us special, and go the extra mile for us (especially when we start crying). So even though we are no longer getting spoon-fed, we still feel we are at the centre of everything.
However, as time goes on; as we outgrow toys and crying no longer works, the realisation that the world doesn’t revolve around us gradually dawns on us. Soon, save extreme narcissists and supreme fools, we all come to realise that in fact, the world doesn’t revolve around us.
We realise that there is something called failure, mockery, and rejection. We realise that everyone must earn what they get. It happens so fast that few of us fall into depression, others become rebels, while the rest become super competitive and transactional.
This new world is drastically different. And, even though the approach changes, that desire to be special lingers.
Why Do Humans Strive to Be Special (and Crave Validation)?
The relentless drive to be special comes from our awareness that we are both incredible beings and infinitesimally small in the grand scheme of things. This contradiction – feeling significant yet insignificant – fuels an obsessive need to prove our specialness. We grow deeply unhappy if we feel inconsequential. Psychologists sometimes call this desire the Need for Uniqueness (NfU).
It is the reason we desire not just to participate, but to be the winner, at least within our sphere and circle – to be the best singer, dancer, writer, coder, dresser, etc. While some channel this drive into creativity, ambition, or a desire to do something noteworthy. Others pursue more destructive outlets of ego, vanity or attention-seeking.
As Dale Carnegie wrote in his 1936 book (“How To Win Friends And Influence People”), “The desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing differences between mankind and the animals. This desire makes you want to wear the latest styles, drive the latest cars, and talk about your brilliant children.”
That same desire to be special is the reason Darwin was frowned upon for coming up with the theory of Evolution – hence linking us with the Apes, goats, and all other living things on the planet. Isn’t it interesting that despite being composed of exactly the same stuff as the other animals – i.e. cells, blood, water, tissues, bones, etc. – most people still believe “God” made us – with almost every culture and religion coming up with their spin of how this happened?
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We May Not Be Special, But We Are All Unique
Imagine mass-produced decks of cards. While there may be nothing inherently special about any specific card, how it is shuffled and eventually played will ultimately make each unique. This is the same for us.
Despite being 99.9% genetically identical to all other 8+ Billion humans on the planet, no two humans are exactly identical (not even identical twins). Like a deck of cards, we are all shuffled differently. No one shares exactly the same attributes as we do.
There are so many variables. Example, our
- Size (from petit to giant)
- Height (from very short to very tall)
- Weight (from overweight to anorexic)
- Skin colour (from dark to fair complexions)
- Fingerprint (from Arches to Double Loops)
- Iris and eye colour (from very light blue to dark brown)
- etc.
And when considering our minds and our actions, no two humans live exactly the same lives. We all slightly differently experience, process, and respond to logic, words, emotions, physical sensations etc.
It is more or less how each Bee in a Hive, a rat in a Mischief, an ant in a colony, a wolf in a park, a flake of snow, or a tree in a jungle is different.
Hence, the question shouldn’t be about being special or unique (because you’re not special, and everyone is unique).
How Do You Make Your Life Important (Even If You’re Not Special)?
Having understood that you are not special simply by your existence, yet are (unremarkably) unique the question becomes, “How do you make your life important”…”How can you feel important as you are?”
The answer is not far-fetched. The answer is so simple it sounds ludicrous. The answer is to make the most of what you have and be content with that.
In every environment you find yourself in, there are people who are living below their full potential – they are not making the most of what is available. They are rather obsessed with comparing themselves to others.
Whether you compare upward or downwards, it does not matter. It only feeds or hurts your ego. Rather, you must compare yourself to your past. Constantly strive to be better. This is really what keeps your happiness unshakable.
If all that is within your reach is the education and resources of a fisherman, then by all means fish, fish very well. Don’t compare yourself to those in Buckingham Palace or Mogadishu.
But, also keep in mind that often, it is not that we lack the ability or there are no opportunities, but that we are blinded to them.
There are resources (both internal and external) that are untapped. You can improve on what exists, or add your unique spin to it.
[Borrowing the idea of the 3 B’s from the book, The Runaway Species,] you can Bend, Break, and Blend things in creative ways:
- Bend: Take something familiar and twist it. For instance, James Naismith invented basketball by modifying elements of rugby, lacrosse, and a childhood game called “duck on a rock.”.
- Break: Take something apart and see its components in a new light. For instance, Uber and Airbnb “broke” the taxi and hospitality industry by directly connecting clients with service providers.
- Blend: Combine seemingly unrelated ideas to spark something fresh. For instance, Duolingo combines games with learning to create really engaging learning experiences.
Think of activities and resources you can bend, break, or blend in your own life to improve your circumstances and those of those around you. It is this act of maximising your potential through constant self-improvement and creative resourcefulness that makes (you feel) your life special and important.
“Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package!”
– Wolfgang Riebe.
Conclusion: You’re Not Inherently Special, But You Can Live A Special Life.
Your uniqueness lies in the distinct combination of your experiences, traits, and how you approach challenges. What makes you special is not some inherent qualities but how despite your ordinariness you still grow, improve, and make important contributions to your world.
Of course, it’s not easy. That’s the point. Those who stand out and are even considered special all went the extra mile to make the most of their abilities and resources.
While I do not encourage toxic hustle culture, I do believe we owe it to ourselves to make the most of our lives. Only a fool feels important for squandering their abilities and opportunities.
“It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.”
— Edmund Hillary
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- 60 Big And Small Things To Be Grateful For Every Day [Even When Things Are Tough]
- Gain Confidence In Yourself With These 10 Tips
- How To Live For Yourself: Embracing Your Uniqueness For A Unique Life
Dick David is a freelance SEO content writer and editor with over 7 years of experience in content writing, digital marketing, and sales. He is the founder of Pawns Digital Agency. Throughout his career, he has authored over 4 books, published hundreds of SEO articles attracting thousands of monthly visitors, ghostwritten numerous works, and edited hundreds of content pieces across various industries. Currently, he works with Robert Taylor Media and has also worked with Tobi Digitals and Branditechture Design Agency, among others.