Being independent is not merely the ability to live alone (without needing help), but the capacity to start contributing positively to your environment (because you’re indebted to it).
You owe your parents/guardians for “nurturing” you, society for “civility”, and the universe for “supporting life”.
Ergo, not contributing is being ‘parasitic’.
Even committing suicide (because you didn’t ask to be born), is still robbing the world of all it has given you so far.
Besides, in a world that thrives on “symbiosis” your parents/guardians, society, and the universe need you as much as you need them.
It may not be apparent, but it’s true.
Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.
Horace Mann (an American educational reformer, slavery abolitionist and Whig politician)
To better understand, let’s consider two words: “Asset” and “Liability”.
The Oxford dictionary defines a liability as, “a person or thing whose presence or behavior is likely to put one at a disadvantage.” And, it defines an asset as, “a useful or valuable thing or person.”
In other words, you were a liability immediately after you were born because attending to your needs cost your guardians energy, time, and money.
You might have even gotten complaints about how much food you eat, how lazy you are, the fact that you are always on your phone, or how stubborn and disobedient you are.
Your guardian may have made you feel like a puppet, wanting you to obey their every dictate without objection. Wanting you to live only according to their terms and conditions.
These emotions engulfed me when I listened to the chorus of Lorde’s Liability;
“You’re a little much for me
You’re a liability
You’re a little much for me.”
I almost broke down in tears.
If this is your story, I’m sure it makes you feel bad. And doubly so because you know you can’t do without them, yet.
The feeling of being a liability to others can make you think you are not enough. And you may begin to wallow in self-pity which drastically reduces your self-esteem and self-worth.
Sometimes, this may make you choose to self-isolate because you feel it’s better to be alone than a burden.
The truth is, life is hard and we may need some help from time to time. So, it is okay to have someone helping you carry a burden that’s too much for you.
However, problems arise when we are too dependent on others (whether financially, emotionally, or otherwise).
Since no one likes to be seen as a liability, and no one likes a liability either, the best thing to do is to become an asset – pay your debt.
Independence is achieved when you owe no one anything.
The Importance Of Being Independent Of Your Parents
Don’t lean on others; you don’t need to. You were born with two feet for a reason
If you’re wondering why you too need to become independent, the following reasons will help:
- Carrying your burden boosts your self-confidence and esteem.
- It develops your courage (since taking on tasks requires practicing courage). And this quality makes you stand out among others – transforming you into a leader.
- It pushes you to discover your talents and potential (which are usually valued as much as they are impressive).
- Having unlocked your talents and potential, you become able to help others – especially those who are still dependent.
Now, let’s explore how to become independent.
How To Be Independent Of Your Parents
people aren’t always going to be there for you. That’s why you must learn to handle things on your own
We’ve highlighted that being independent requires transforming yourself into an asset. Now, here, are 12 things to transform you into an asset….this is how to be independent of your parents:
- Get Your Finances In Order: You can be independent financially by practicing being great at a particular skill (such as writing, graphics design, web development, etcetera), especially in terms of building a career. The principle of making money is to be a problem solver and know how best to market your solution. You should leverage on difficulties (by solving them and making money), rather than complain.
- Get rid of the victim mentality: Stop playing the blame game by taking full responsibility for your actions and accepting the consequences. Remember, nobody owes you anything (on the contrary, you owe).
- Cultivate a Positive Mindset: Positive thinking makes you a happier person and boosts your self-esteem which is critical to functioning optimally as an asset. Hence you need to feed yourself with positive content, even from your phone. You can also gain positive energy by surrounding yourself with people who encourage you, letting go of toxic relationships, or at least maintaining a healthy distance from those who kill your vibe if you cannot entirely cut them off.
- Make decisions alone more often (and accept the consequences). Start now by doing little things like choosing your outfit on your own then advancing. Rather than asking somebody’s opinion on something, ascertain your resolve then keep an open mind. Use the Eisenhower Matrix to decide what is important and what is not. Do more of the former and less of the latter.
- Be assertive: Learn to say no and stand up for yourself. This enables you to express yourself authentically and better communicate your point of view.
- Develop a habit of learning: Do your research instead of asking someone all the time so you don’t come off as lazy or a pest.
- Practice self-discipline: Set goals and make plans to accomplish them and be consistent. This will enhance your productivity and heighten your chances of success in your endeavors.
- Practice delayed gratification: Reward yourself only after you have completed the needful task(s). This will help you overcome procrastination and rapidly increase your productivity.
- Practice being alone: Practicing alone time and enjoying your own company will help you discover more about yourself and gain a better perspective on the world without being distracted or overwhelmed by pressure from peers.
- Let Go Of The Past: You cannot be completely independent if you carry the burden of a grudge or hate. Forgive others & yourself and learn to move on from a hurtful experience. Life is hard, don’t worsen it, make things better.
Bonus tip: Don’t hesitate to seek advice and guidance from a mentor, professional, or therapist if you need extra help.
Believe me; YOU CAN DO IT.
Take chances and brave challenges. Accept failure and mistakes.
Learn from them and be patient with yourself. You never know what you’re capable of until you try.
If you are interested in learning a useful skills for your journey into independence, I highly recommend you click this link.
I enjoy literary works (especially in the form of books and songs) and learning about human psychology.
I’m also interested in intellectual development, fitness/athleticism, and waste management.