My grandma died last year in a particularly heart-breaking way, considering I always wanted to do something nice for her, it left a hole in my heart, a hole I didn’t realize was there until the thought of her death properly sunk in…she is no more, forever.
ever since then, I realized that the pain did bring some things to my notice, for instance;
- Pain showed me what I wanted to do and what I didn’t do
- It showed what I couldn’t do anymore
- It showed me where I’m at in life
- It showed me what I’ve accomplished so far
- It brought everything to my very face, to see all I’ve done so far and where it has led me…
Considering that this is the kind of pain that leaves a hole in the heart that would never get filled, it left a question with it, which was, do I ever want to experience this kind of pain again?
A hole in the heart. A bleeding of the conscious mind, a wandering, a desire for more, a craving, a desire for filling, a want, a plea, a constant nagging, a war, a battle , nothing less than conflict, then stillness, the feeling of powerlessness, the fear, the agony , the shock, the realization of the limits and boundaries, the impossible, the realization of all other possibilities, the lust, the end.
A HOLE IN THE HEART
When my grandma died, I took to writing more intensely, about the benefits and necessities of having a Gang, this was because I saw that during her ailment and eventual death her life was no longer in her hand but in the hands of those she had surrounded herself with. it made me realize this to a frightening extent. I went on yapping about how important this was, and up until lately, I didn’t realize that the hole in my heart was what sent me on this rampage.
It was kinda-sorta healthy in my case, considering I derived an important lesson from it, and actually used the lesson to build the foundations of my current personality and of course this blog which I believe has been helpful to some people.
However, not everyone derives this kind of value from pain, and sometimes depending on the type and degree of pain, the person experiencing the pain could actually get crushed by the weight of the pain and thereby sink into destructive and abusive behaviors.
I’ve seen this play out multiple times, and it’s not pretty. I, therefore, came to the conclusion that the way the hole is filled is what makes all the difference.
It’s quite unsettling to know that every one of us from the day we were born is subject to pain, as a matter of fact, we had to cry before the nurses were convinced that we were okay. In a way, pain is the only way we know that we are even alive.
Pain is what makes all the difference, the sensation, the feeling. ouch! Now I know I’m alive
This is painful – this is real.
The emptiness, the constant craving and yearning as though something was amiss or out of place.
That constant longing for more, for more, to be filled and never getting filled
But the way this hole is filled is what makes all the difference…
More drinks, a little more wine. O! lets listen to music, maybe read a book, or lets smoke a little, or watch porn, wait!, lets create a work of art or drown ourselves in work, lets distract ourselves from this pain, lets filled this hole with some other activities…
HOW TO COPE WITH PAIN?
You must have heard how they say, “she is copping” or “ he is handling it well”… that description though simple in the surface indicates something much deeper.
That qualification of “coping” or “well” is used only when the individual is doing something healthy and beneficial, however, whenever he or she starts doing something self-destructive, like substance abuse, excessive working, or starts to brood anger and hate, or maybe resorts to denial of the event, altogether, the person is said to, you know, “not handle it well”
Although hard, it is necessary to understand our pain, or at least stop denying it…
why the pain, what’s causing it?…is it really a lack of friendship, or love, or validation, or an injury or disability?… is it inability to get what you crave? Or that thing you need in or out of your life?
It is only after understanding why the event is so painful that we can then decide how to handle our pain
When there is a pain, there is almost always a thing to do in order to elevate it, and depending on how we respond to the pain, we can become better from it or ultimately get destroyed by it.
We can always do something helpful except when someone dies, in which case we are to learn to accept pain and also learn from it…
ACCEPTANCE OF PAIN
Felling pain is not bad, it is natural
Pain is like the bodies check engines signs, it indicates that something is not right, and so we should realize its function and constantly question its purpose.
What has pain thought? what is it driving me to do or not to?
Like losing my grandma… I would have stayed and not thought about it, but then the pain was there even if I wasn’t focusing on it at first…and when I faced it , I saw the pain, the hole, that craving to do something for the people that love and care for me, that yearning to see them happy and then watching her get snatched away by the cold hands of death….
Pain, the pain of being seen as unworthy, incapable and incompetent…
This is pain…constantly reminding us of the need to do more or less of something, like a regulator.
The pain of wasted times, a reminder of how so many other things could have been done…
What matters most is what the pain teaches us or points out to us and what we do with that information….
Sometimes you need to make out the chance to look at your pain, to stare deep into the abyss of your heart to see your pains, to behold and let freighting darkness fill you with awe and dissolution, letting you know what is lagging or lacking in your life and what needs to be added…
What’s your biggest pain? what gets you angry? what don’t you want to look at or consider? …Is it love, religion, family, money, status, etc.. if any triggers a hurtful feeling, then you have to do something about it ….
NEGLECTING THE PAIN
Suffering comes when we refuse to look at our pain or fail to do something about it…maybe we are unable to do anything about it, wish to endure it for a greater purpose or don’t really realize what it is costing us…
Suffering like pain is also an essential part of our lives, suffering is something we chose, unlike pain which chooses us suffering most times arise when we decide that we wish to live with or ignore a particular pain…
It may be ..sometimes out of our control, but it arises when pain is prolonged. When pain is reoccurring and we can’t or don’t want to do something about it…
Sometimes, what matters most is how we look at this suffering, because that determines how we handle it.
Finding a greater meaning to the suffering,…sometimes we have to accept that that suffering is worth it, or unavoidable…
But When do you decide that the suffering should linger, and when should you take it off.