I often see women post pictures of themselves in revealing clothing, only to lash out at the men who admire their bodies in the comments or DMs. Some even screenshot those messages and share them publicly.
While I understand that some of the men’s words can be disrespectful or “thirsty,” I still find myself asking, “What were they expecting in the first place”?
In this short piece, I’ll explore this strange paradox of objectification—how both sides feed into it, often without realising it.
Do Women Objectify Themselves Online?
When people talk about the objectification of women, the finger almost always points at men. But if you actually look around, especially online, you observe something seemingly contradictory.
The popular accounts where women are objectified are not usually owned by men who secretly take pictures or videos of women and post them online (in fact, such an account would be promptly taken down and the operator sued).
Rather, what you actually find are accounts owned by women who don’t just take innocent pictures, but who dress scantily, then pose, find the right angles, and add countless filters and edits to make themselves as seductive as possible.
Some even monetise this content through services like OnlyFans. Indeed, the millions of pornographic content uploaded daily on the internet are littered with women, who aren’t forced, but consent to it as creative endeavours (protected under the law and signed contracts) that go from risqué to full-blown obscene.
How Social Media Algorithms Promote Objectification
Of course, not all women are objectifying themselves. In fact, it’s only a small fraction of the population (though a greater number might privately think of themselves that way). Regardless, you and I know that almost nothing else commands as much attention as a scantily dressed or stark-naked woman – not even the Mona Lisa or Eiffel Tower. And it is not because people are shallow, but because sex appeal is hard-coded into our biology.
Now, the moment one picture gets more comments, likes, or even views, the algorithms reward it, pushing it to more people. Before long, that small fraction of women starts to look like a majority—they get reposted over and over again. Soon, in the pursuit of virality and the other incentives that come with it, the platforms become flooded with the same formula: more objectification—more skin, angles, and filters for more incentives. Needless to say, most of these women with overwhelming attention and options start to pick and choose men who can “afford them.”
All these come together to trigger a strange chain reaction: Men see these types of women over and over, and start assuming that’s how all women are—that to get a woman’s attention, you either have to pay, perform, or win her over through status. So they start playing that game—buying, bidding, and showing off, thinking that’s what all women want.
Meanwhile, other women, watching these men shower attention, money, and even marriage proposals on those few who objectify themselves, begin to mimic the same behaviour. They begin to think maybe that’s what it takes to be valued, too. So they join in. And just like that, the pattern reinforces itself.
It’s a self-sustaining cycle where everyone feels they’re making progress or gaining something, but no one feels fulfilled. Because deep down, most people don’t actually want to play this game.
What Do Men and Women Really Want in Relationships?
Deep down, men don’t really want to buy love—they want to be accepted, validated, and loved unconditionally. And women don’t really want to sell themselves for attention—they want to be seen, loved, and cared for unconditionally, too.
The tragedy is that both are wishing for the same thing, but chasing something different, applying faulty strategies. And the more they try, the further they drift from what they truly need.
In the face of all these, it takes an enormous degree of self-awareness and courage to notice this isn’t what you want, and you won’t settle for it. It takes courage to tell people you no longer wish to play this game, that you’d rather engage with others in a human, mutual, non-transactional way.
But, with such powerful incentives—the admiration and quick rewards women get, or the illusion of access and control men derive—this approach often comes with a lot of disappointment.
Are Women Responsible for Their Own Objectification?
The point is, women today play a significant part in their own objectification. Even a child can sense when their teenage sister, or sadly, their mom, is doing too much to impress.
Whether that kind of self-objectification is different or better than men objectifying women is another debate entirely. But women ought to take responsibility too—because an outsized portion of the cause is on their side, even if most of the blame usually falls on men.
And unless we step back to see how these forces shape our expectations and behaviours, we risk perpetuating a dynamic that would keep leaving both parties not just frustrated, but antagonistic towards each other.
Conclusion: Connection is born when authenticity meets authenticity.
I do see the artistic value of beauty, hotness, and even nudity.
But when it comes to a relationship, I set those aside and engage with the person in front of me in a deeper, honest, and realistic way, and I also make sure to observe their behaviour, words, and energy to infer how they perceive me.
“What is essential is invisible to the eye.” — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Because, at the end of the day, connection happens when the make-ups and money are out of the way — when authenticity meets authenticity.
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Dick David is a freelance SEO content writer and editor with over 7 years of experience in content writing, digital marketing, and sales. He is the founder of Pawns Digital Agency. Throughout his career, he has authored over 4 books, published hundreds of SEO articles attracting thousands of monthly visitors, ghostwritten numerous works, and edited hundreds of content pieces across various industries. Currently, he works with Robert Taylor Media and has also worked with Tobi Digitals and Branditechture Design Agency, among others.