“A lot of inaction is regretted. A lot of action is wasted. It is commendable to see action being productive. But to see action birthed from meaning and fulfilment is heartwarming.”
They have always tried to reveal themselves to me in fragments, but my own expectations have often warped my interpretation of their intentions. I’ve seen them as malevolent at times, and indifferent at others. But this year, I guess I was able to see that it was all beyond good and bad, and about shaping me into someone better.
I am Their project, and the following experiences are the tools They utilised:
The Year Opens
They gave me a nod.
2024 started out strong, really strong. There was this raw energy forming and coursing through everything. I had prospects reaching out from day 1, friendships forming, and customers torrenting in.
But none of it was without effort.
In those early months, between January and March, I was putting in a lot of effort into both my personal life and business. Of course, this was expected — I had made finding love and having a million last year’s resolutions.
I said yes to outings and events. Collected phone numbers and travelled. I made new friends, went on a few dates, and just tried to improve my social life generally.
On the business front, my team and I were crafting and testing ideas. We made new offers, explored fresh strategies, ran ads, and generated and nurtured over a thousand leads. And, of course, made a ton of sales.
Everything seemed to be progressing…
Emptiness In Plenty
They were hovering around me, smirking as I bumped into brick walls.
Some things felt off.
For a start, I really didn’t like going out. They left me drained instead of energised.
I wasn’t being myself around a couple of my friends. Everything was superficial, never quite havingdepth.
And even the new romantic interest lacked enthusiasm. For some reason, I couldn’t connect as deeply as I liked. Heck, I even turned down sex.
Meanwhile, our business was, for lack of better words, drowning in good ideas. A lot of the initiatives weren’t followed up with sufficient implementation, and as a result, they often petered away as fresh new ideas took their place.
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External Chaos
They then unravelled everything.
During a meandering argument, a close friend revealed a secret they had been keeping from me. That revelation shook my trust in not just what I thought I knew about them, but of what I thought I knew about anyone, really. This was because I considered that lack of transparency a big nasty lie, and in addition to the other misunderstanding we had, I ended up distancing myself from them.
Furthermore, upon reflection on my friendship, I decided to stop contacting those that felt one-sided. As a result, many of my shallow friendships faded.
A lady I had gone on a date with earlier this year turned out to be someone I could not have anything serious to do with because of cultural reasons. Although we have no actual blood connection, my grandfather via some rights had grafted us into that huge family so that she was more or less considered a sister to me. Bullshit if you ask me. But who am I to rage against an entire culture stretching across several communities?
In the business realm, the exponential increase in the capability of Artificial Intelligence, and their adaptation, coupled with their integration into most products and processes left me scared and confused as I lost a few clients and most prospects started sort of undermining my writing because ChatGPT can do it, or so they thought.
Just when I was going to focus on our blog, Google started rolling out its updates, which more or less shook the world of SEO and blogging. Many businesses were wiped out as they lost website traffic. The whole thing, at first, felt like watching my career path being set ablaze.
I was weary of friends. I was broke as hell. It was so bad that I reverted to doom-scrolling on social media and also picking up my drawing tools again to augment the money I was making.
I was in limbo and survival mode at once.
Internal Chaos
They had to reach into my soul.
The external chaos pushed me inward, where another storm was brewing.
I became more sensitive to criticism, complaints, or side talks, especially about money to the point I had a misunderstanding with Mom about a comment she made about how we were going to manage until the end of the month. It was serious to the point I refused to eat food made by her for a couple of days. I was even contemplating packing out of the house.
But, upon further reflection, I realised that, perhaps, I should be contributing more to the family. And contribute more, I did. In a counterintuitive way, that decision forced me to switch up my approach to things. I started making more opportunities for myself by simply telling the world what I did consistently. It was nothing fancy, just posts on my WhatsApp status about my writing and drawing services. I kept my ego in check.
I also realised that I had a serious lack of financial boundaries. I would give away money to anyone who asked and even sacrifice my savings for courses and investments I was neither the champion of nor fully understood. The solution was a stricter financial boundary, which made me even more at peace with money and happier with the way I spent my money.
Though I have been outspoken about my lack of belief in prayers, I often still attended family morning devotions which left me conflicted. But, around this time, I also decided that, just like with my financial boundaries — which close friends didn’t like at first but eventually came to respect — I didn’t owe my family attendance to those devotions. I didn’t have to subject myself to internal conflicts every morning. And so I stopped cold turkey. There were complaints, but eventually, they waned off.
In business, I took on clients outside my niche, wrote content that didn’t resonate with my soul, tried to teach copywriting, and even made offers that didn’t fully align with me. This was stressful for me. And, I eventually started turning down offers that weren’t aligned with my interest, experience, and mission.
The Glimmering Light
They kept nudging me to open my eyes.
One night, after I fell asleep listening to Alan Watts, I woke up feeling like I was in a different universe. It became clear to me who my love was. A colleague from NYSC who for a long time we had just stayed very close friends.
It became apparent to me how my soul was always drawn to her fire and fascination, but I had often glanced over because I was too fixated on the physical and too afraid of what committing might cost me.
Perhaps, it was thanks to a cumulation of the interactions I had had with others coupled with the extensive writing I had done this year on finding the right one, that I could see her true beauty and rarity as bright as the morning sun. She had loved me first, and created space for my insecurities without shaming me so that I could be 100% myself around her. There was no substitute.
I asked her out. She said yes.
But, as much as I would love to say it was a smooth ride afterwards, it wasn’t. We still had to deal with many issues and differences, some of which caused us to break up and make up multiple times. Most of these forced me to see how much growing up I needed, plus how love required vulnerability, patience, and constant communication.
Through her, I got to see how harsh, cold, and erratic I often act towards others. But, being love, she served as a mirror through which I started healing my inner child and going down to the root causes of my insecurities and struggles. Understanding my philosophies and living them. Refining and deepening what I understood – translating theory to practical.
And that internal harmony translated to me taking care of my physical looks. Apart from a few new clothes, I got myself a new towel and premium soaps (thanks to my female friends’ recommendations). It didn’t take long for my skin to glow up, my natural colour popped, and suddenly everyone was noticing. And, for the first time in a long time, I could stand in front of a mirror and admire how genuinely handsome I was. I too was a star.
Following The Path
They pointed the way, and we followed.
Eventually, we (at Pawns) realised there was no point in trying to beat the AI or algorithms. Rather, we needed to look within – to write content that resonated with us. We wrote content that was truly important to us and that we believed would have the greatest impact on our readers.
That clarity helped us articulate our mission and vision. And for the first time in a long while, we felt like we were on an important mission, with all our actions aligned and a step towards achieving our goals. Rather than doing things from a place of anxiety and feeling stressed, everything became a fulfilling task.
The response from our audience was beautiful. We got genuine reviews and a lot of appreciation. Even leads reached out on the 366th day of this year.
But most importantly, we came to see those with whom we shared a common mission—that being therapists, coaches, and counsellors – people we intend to work with moving on.
External Harmony
They weren’t testing me. They were transforming me.
I received the most birthday gifts this year, despite not posting about it on my social media pages or even on my WhatsApp status.
I found peace, Love, acceptance, understanding, confidence, and faith.
I reconnected with friends, even the friend who had hidden something from me. Though, I also lost a close friend (not to death, but a petty fight).
This year showed me the treasures I already had within and around me. Special shout-out to David, Tobechukwu, and Elizabeth. You kept me anchored when I was losing my shit.
In the end, it wasn’t just about achieving some goal—it was about stepping into who They want me to be. This realisation alone is heartwarming.
And now, I don’t just feel ready for 2025, I am excited about the new year.
Dick David is a freelance SEO content writer and editor with over 7 years of experience in content writing, digital marketing, and sales. He is the founder of Pawns Digital Agency. Throughout his career, he has authored over 4 books, published hundreds of SEO articles attracting thousands of monthly visitors, ghostwritten numerous works, and edited hundreds of content pieces across various industries. Currently, he works with Robert Taylor Media and has also worked with Tobi Digitals and Branditechture Design Agency, among others.