Limiting Beliefs: 10 Tips To Overcome Thoughts That Hold You Back.17 min read

When I was much younger, I used to think ladies – especially the very pretty ones – would embarrass any guy who tried to talk to them but who wasn’t cool, rich, or smooth with words. I used to think it was a competition where you had to win her interest and love by performing or being perfect or successful. (That was what the movies mostly portrayed). 

This, of course, held me back from talking to girls as I was crippled by fear (sweating, stuttering, and running away). It took me years to come to terms with the fact that getting embarrassed or respected by a pretty lady had less to do with how perfect you were and more to do with your approach and her character. Consequently, my fear diminished and today I have many pretty female friends and a girlfriend.

In this piece, we will explore what limiting beliefs are, where they come from and how to spot and overcome them. Hopefully, this will help you enjoy the things your limiting beliefs have held you back from for so long.

What Are Limiting Beliefs?

Limiting beliefs are thoughts that you have about yourself and the world that hold you back (from doing or experiencing things you could have otherwise). It’s heeding the thought, “This thing will not work out therefore I should avoid it”. 

Limiting beliefs blocks off your morale and creativity – it stops further thinking or effort – because the thought of a negative outcome has already been taken as a conclusion or fact.

It is okay to have fears and doubts, but when they stop you from acting, that is when they’ve transformed into limiting beliefs

Limiting beliefs could hold you back from exploring new opportunities, trying out new things, connecting with new people, sharing your opinions, asking for what you want, going to new places, or doing things that you’ve never done before (or have failed at in the past).

In simple terms, limiting beliefs blind you to the possibilities, disempower you, and keep you stuck in your comfort zone.

Why Limiting Beliefs Are So Hard To Shake or Overcome

While one needs to be conscious and realistic, limiting beliefs need to be questioned because they are often irrational or outdated, and cost us far more than they protect us.

It is hard to overcome limiting beliefs because it can be hard to tell if a belief is limiting as it often feels like the ultimate, unshakeable truth meant to protect us. Sometimes, we even feel physical sensations like shortness of breath, fidgeting, sweating, and so on when we try to do things that go against our limiting beliefs. In other words, limiting beliefs erect psychological walls that can have serious physical/bodily manifestations.

People who have limiting beliefs are often self-aware. However, their self-awareness is often hyper-focused on all the things that could go wrong. It is like the inverse of being delusional and heedless – it is being too cautious and too close-minded.

However, like all false beliefs, limiting beliefs can be shattered, and their captive set free.

Where Do Limiting Beliefs Come From?

I used to believe the internet (and the world at large) was against Nigerians. Why wouldn’t I? Nigeria is well-known for being a haven for scammers, the government is fantastically corrupt, and even PayPal doesn’t support receiving funds from Nigeria. I saw this in the news, and social media, and even the conversations around me were all about how bad the country’s inhabitants were.

So, when I started my Internet business in 2018, I often felt confined to Nigeria – I felt it was going to be near impossible to work with people in first-world countries. But, then, I met a friend, Bukola Oladiran, who caused a mind shift in me. She made me realise how truly boundless the internet was, and that even so many other Nigerians were doing great things and contributing to the world. 

She was the one who introduced me to Fiverr (to connect with international clients) and showed me how to use Payoneer (which is an alternative to PayPal). As I started making my first few hundred dollars, my mindset shifted and I began to get a glimpse of the limitless possibilities that exist. From blogging to selling my books, courses, and services to the world, I felt truly free of my limiting beliefs (at least, around internet marketing). 

Limiting beliefs come from several places including:

Your Upbringing:

Your family values and beliefs might have greatly influenced you while growing up. It might have shaped how you see yourself, others, and reality itself. It might have even affected your understanding of abstract concepts like money, love, and trust. I know because it affected me too.

They might have told you things like

• “You are dumb”: Teaching you to see yourself as someone who can’t come up with great ideas or do something worth considering.
• “There is no such thing as a free meal”: Drumming it into you that there is no one who can be nice to you without asking for anything in return, (and by extension, that you too should be transactional in your dealings).
• “We don’t pluck money from trees”: Cementing the idea in your mind that money is HARD to come by (and by extension making you totally oblivious to, or uncomfortable with ideas such as making money from your passion, earning passive income, or the bountiful returns from shrewd investments).

Your Life Experiences:

In the course of your life, you might have had experiences that forced you to see things differently – creating or reinforcing a limiting belief.

For instance, life may have knocked you down multiple times or in unexpected ways, making you believe things like

• “You’re a failure”: Perhaps you failed maths so many times in school, which made you believe that you are slow, damaged, or not good enough. Perhaps making you think you can’t make it in the academic world or life in general.
• “Love hurts”: Perhaps you got cheated on by someone you loved dearly. This might have been the most cruel betrayal you’ve experienced and might have forced you to associate deep love with trauma.
• “Humans suck”: A toxic work environment or toxic relationships might leave you cursing adulthood and all the demands that come with it. You might have a boss who overburdens and berates you or a narcissistic partner who makes you question your sanity and existence leaving you hating humans.

Your Education

Education is not limited to the classroom. You can get educated at home, places of worship, as well as in the streets; and some of that education can promote ideas/thoughts/ideas that are limiting.

For instance, you might have learned

• “You can’t do X”: “You can’t dress, talk, or act this way”, “You can’t eat, drink, or experience that”, “X is impossible”, and so on. You might have been told over and over again how to behave, or how you can’t behave. And, it is easy to think these are the only ways to live (in other words, ignorance and lack of exposure).
• “Men are scum”: This belief, most likely purported by someone who is hurting, might cause you to think that every guy is out to manipulate, use, or hurt you which in turn makes it hard to get into a relationship.
• “Rich people can’t get to heaven”: This idea might have been propagated by a Preacher during a sermon, and cause you to unconsciously resent having a lot of money to your name.

Your Peers

Your peers can form an eco-chamber where a particular set of ideas and beliefs are promoted and reinforced. When these beliefs are disempowering, they can become limiting beliefs in your mind.

For example

• “I’m too young to X”: While there are things you could be too young for, say you’re 15 and the issue is about sex or drinking alcohol, there really is no age threshold to doing a lot of the things you want to, though repeatedly hearing this might make you believe there is.   
• “They hate us”: It is easy for an “Us vs them” mentality to arise in groups, and sometimes this can create an unnecessary chasm that exists only in the heads of those who believe it. Your peers may have told you smart, pretty, rich, or whatever category of people other than you hates you causing you to avoid associating with them.   
• “I can’t be happy until I have X”: Believe it or not, limiting beliefs can also limit how much we enjoy life. While money, friends, achievements or some other things are nice, they are not always what truly makes us happy. And believing we can’t be happy until we get those things only robs us.

Media:

The content you watch, listen to and read can often limit what you think. 

For example

• “I am not X enough”: Beautiful, smart, tall, fast, strong, cool you name it. There is no end to the things that the media puts as the benchmark or standard, and there is no way to tick all those boxes as ticking some boxes means unticking others. Believing that because you don’t reach some arbitrary standard makes you unqualified is a limiting belief stopping you from living authentically.
• “X are the bad guys”: In reality, there are seldom good and bad guys; and often, those who do the labelling are part of the problem. For instance, it is easy for the media to make it seem like a political party (e.g. APC), religion (Islam), or country (Iran) are the bad guys, while in most cases, the bad guys exist everywhere. Holding such beliefs can limit the people you interact with, learn from, or consider.
• “The world is unsafe”: Every day is a good day for bad news. Why not? It sells (it leverages cognitive biases and rides on ignorance or lack of exposure). When you listen to the news too much, it can make you want to shrink into your shell and avoid travelling, trusting people, brands, governments, and so on. And, while one needs to be cautious, the fixation on the negative often blinds us to the numerous wonderful things those people, brands, and governments are doing or can help us with.

While you may not be the cause of your limiting beliefs, it is your responsibility to identify and shatter them.

How To Spot and Overcome Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs come into play in all aspects of human life. From our performances in sports to finances and relationships.

At the core, falsehood, fear, and ignorance are the foundation of all limiting beliefs. Hence to overcome these beliefs, you need to tackle them in whatever aspect of your life you’re feeling limited.

Below are things you can do to overcome limiting beliefs:

Identify Your Struggle

What do you want but haven’t gotten? Do you struggle with money, relationships, or your health? Understanding the ways you struggle and how you would love to live life better would enable you to know where and how to start seeking help.

For example, you might realise that you’ve always wanted to start a business, but you keep putting it off. Or perhaps you’ve been wanting to improve your fitness, but you never seem to stick to a workout routine. Identifying these areas of struggle is the first step towards overcoming them.

Find Contradictions

Who has done or achieved what you want? Has it been done in the past? Force yourself to not just cherrypick ideas that reinforce your limiting beliefs, but to look out and consider instances where it was not the case.

Maybe people can find love in their 40s. Perhaps there are still people who don’t discriminate against Nigerians. Maybe not all Muslims are terrorists. By actively seeking these contradictions, you force yourself to see the world as it really is, not how you have been led to think – by family, peers, media, or your own life experiences.

For instance, if you believe you’re too old to start a new career, look for stories of people who successfully switched careers later in life. If you think you can’t lose weight because of your genes, find examples of people with similar backgrounds who have achieved their fitness goals.

Learn The Requirements or Steps Taken

What did the person do exactly to get the result? What made that possible? Understanding what makes others achieve or live the way we want can help us better adopt the lifestyle.

Perhaps, they are not struggling to make money because they started investing when they were younger. Maybe their partner isn’t cheating on them because they took the time to work on their values and character and didn’t just go after beauty but rather looked at her values and character. Maybe they achieved that at such a young age because they asked for the opportunity rather than shying away from it.

If someone you admire has a successful business, dig deeper into their journey. Did they take specific courses? Did they have a mentor? How did they fund their startup? Understanding these details can provide you with a roadmap to follow.

Take Note of Your Weaknesses, Mistakes and Shortcomings

In what ways are you lacking? What don’t you have or know? What are you lacking? What are you doing wrong? This act of introspection will enable you to know your strengths and weaknesses so you will know the areas that you need to work on.

For instance, if you’re struggling with relationships, you might realise that you have trust issues stemming from past experiences. Or if you’re having trouble advancing in your career, you might identify that you lack certain key skills required for promotion.

Prepare Yourself

Practice, organise, and stock up. Do all that is necessary to succeed. Don’t just try to think things are different (that is more willful blindness or naivety, than having a positive mindset). Rather, act in such a way that confirms your beliefs.

Do you believe you can be accepted too? Then skill up, craft a nice CV or portfolio, and start applying for the roles you need. Want a date? Then dress up, put on a smile, and try connecting with people.

If you want to become a writer, start by writing every day, even if it’s just for 15 minutes. If you want to improve your dancing skills, join a local dance crew and practice regularly.

Embrace Your Fears

If you went contrary to your fears, what is the worst that could happen? Embrace your fear of the unknown and do what you think is right. Understand that sometimes, things go wrong, but that is okay. It doesn’t mean you’re wrong or should not try again.

For example, if you’re afraid of public speaking, ask yourself what’s the worst that could happen if you give a presentation. You might stumble over your words or forget something, but is that really as catastrophic as your fear makes it out to be? 

Spoiler: You won’t die.

Take Risks

Step out of your comfort zone and do things you didn’t think possible. Sometimes, there may be no clear steps or instructions, but you can get creative and see what happens.

This could mean applying for a job you think you’re not quite qualified for, asking someone out on a date, or trying a new hobby that scares you a little. The key is to push yourself beyond what feels comfortable.

Reframe Failure

When you fail, learn to see it as a learning opportunity that forces you to learn from your mistakes, prepare more, and take yet another risk.

Instead of seeing a failed business venture as proof that you’re not cut out for entrepreneurship, view it as a valuable lesson in what doesn’t work. Use this knowledge to refine your approach for your next attempt. 

You can always reframe, “I failed”, to “I learned something new”, “I did my best”, or “It was an exhilarating experience”. And, perhaps, you might be more willing to try again. To try better. To fail forward.

Connect with Winners

It is an important and popular fact that you are the product of the people you hang around with. When you connect with people who do not hold the same limiting beliefs as you – but who actually hold more empowering beliefs and are living that way – you get infected by their empowering beliefs and are forced to change your beliefs.

If you want to become more financially savvy, start hanging out with people who are good with money. Their habits and mindset will inevitably rub off on you. If you want six-pack abs, go make friends at the gym (not the bar).

Get Professional Help

You could hire a coach or get therapy. Sometimes, it is simply difficult to identify, not to mention untangle the limiting beliefs that hold you back.

A life coach can help you set and achieve goals, while a therapist can assist in unravelling and addressing deeper psychological barriers. Don’t hesitate to seek expert help if you’re struggling to overcome your limiting beliefs on your own.

Conclusion: Limiting Beliefs Lose Their Grip The More You Dare.

The kid that learns how to do cartwheels and backflips is not the kid that stays indoors listening to their mom telling them how they could get hurt. But rather the kid that heads out to play with the other (rough) kids, not minding the bruises, sprains, and occasional nosebleeds. It is the kid that doesn’t mind the broken bones, and maybe loss of a tooth or more that often accompanies learning to do the backflip.

Yes, your limiting beliefs can save you from minor inconveniences, but they’ll ultimately steal your life and the possibilities that it holds.

Limiting beliefs lose their grip the more you dare.

You have the power to break free. 

Grow up, level up, step up.

Books To Help You Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs.

• Rejection Proof, by Jia Jiang.
• You Are a Badass, by Jen Sincero.
• The Obstacle Is the Way, by Ryan Holiday.
• Awaken the Giant Within, by Tony Robbins.
• The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, by Mark Manson.

The books mentioned above are more general in nature. If you have specific challenges, then look for books that promise to show you how to overcome those particular issues. Often, good books first address limiting beliefs before delving into strategies.

For example, if you have limiting beliefs around money, then books like “Rich Dad Poor Dad” by Robert Kiyosaki, or “The Millionaire Fastlane” by MJ DeMarco would be good choices.

If you want to overcome limiting beliefs around dating, then “Models” by Mark Manson, or “Getting the Love You Want” by Harville Hendrix might be more suitable.

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Did you enjoy this piece or have questions? Please let me know in the comments section.

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• 15 Practices That Will Help You Overcome Inferiority Complex
• The Value of Personal Faith (And How To Develop It)
• Does It Matter To Believe In Yourself? [Why Believing In Yourself Is The First Step To Success]
• You’re a Product of Your Beliefs [This Is How To Ensure Your Beliefs Are True And Helpful].