Should We Abandon Religion? Growing Beyond Blind Faith29 min read

I admired my dad as a kid. I wanted to win his approval, please him, and get into his good grace. I saw him like a god – as someone who knew and could do everything. I also believed he loved me – I can’t forget the delicious Wilson’s Tea Mate bread he often brought home.

Anyway, the issue was that he had an endless list of dos and don’ts. And, like many African parents, his cane enforced them. How can I forget his signature six clean lashes to the butt?

So, when I started hearing about a Father in Heaven, who even my dad would humbly admit being a child to, my acceptance of Him – that Father of my Father – was without resistance.

For the most part, the idea of Heaven and Hell were as important as my dad’s bread and cane; and just like I had no doubts about my biological father’s bread and cane, I had none for the heavenly father’s.

I would look up to the skies in awe, imagining myself levitating into the clouds to see a Kingdom glowing in radiant splendor, just as I had (repeatedly) heard in morning devotions and sermons and seen in Christian books and movies.

Heck, as a kid, I thought there really was nothing to worry about in this life. I had a very, very optimistic outlook on life. 

I had a reason not to be afraid of humans or spirits – I was the apple of both dads’ eyes after all. 

But I dreaded the wrath of them both, too.

Developing Values and Good Moral Judgment

As time went by, dad stopped flogging. It seemed he started expecting me to act right on my own – to have assimilated and embodied the dos and don’ts. And he was right.

Till today, I have a visceral reaction to lying, cheating, hurting others, being greedy, you name it. Visceral, like one might feel when staring down a cliff.

Heck, I even struggle to talk back to older people, eat when others are not, or even stay idle.

The morality and values were burned into the wall of my skull, like data on a CD, so that my mind and even body mostly only play a pre-recorded tape.

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6 (KJV)

I believe my dad believed that as a kid, I was more or less a greedy, violent, moralless, and stupid creature who, if allowed to run loose, would destroy everything around them, including itself.

“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” – Proverbs 22:15 (KJV)

And so, he had to take it upon himself to be both an example and disciplinarian. 

Just like Jesus, who (allegedly) came to earth to live an exemplary life before he would return to judge the world.

An Abusive Relationship with God

My dad never punished me angrily. In fact, he was quite good at delaying his punishments. You could do something wrong in the evening, and he would not mention it until the next morning.

Usually, immediately after the morning devotion, he would address the matter – explaining why what you did was wrong – before calmly asking you to lay down on the table to receive your lashes.

This is unlike many African parents who abuse their children – who do not calmly explain why something is wrong but rather punish the children out of pure rage, frustration, and sometimes hatred. 

Parents who might beat the child till the child starts to bleed or break a bone. And in other instances, use their fingers to put pepper into the childs anus (an ugly violation, and pure torture technique).

However, many people today do not think such brutality is the right way to go about raising good children. In fact, they recommend other ways to correct a child without the risk of traumatising them. 

But it seems that the non-violent means are not God’s way; rather, He indulges the more brutal means.

For instance, the ultimate punishment of God involves throwing people into a lake of fire and sulphur, where worms will eat their flesh alive, plus it is for eternity. (Revelation 19:20; 20:10, 14, 15; 21:8)

Even if we say, okay, Hell or the Lake of Fire isn’t God’s cane, we still have Him commanding people to be killed, including women and infants. (1 Samuel 15:3, Ezekiel 9: 5-7, etc.)

In fact, at one point in the Bible, God was said to strip a King called Saul of his kingship because he failed to obey the instruction to go kill an entire village who were not in God’s good graces.

And, even if we go the extra mile to say, “oh, we can’t say that because those people who He asked Saul to kill were not considered His children (and He wanted to kill them to protect His children)”. Well, what do we say about how He dealt with the Israelites (whom He called his own)? Again, we see him bringing (or at least watching them suffer) sickness, slavery, and even death.

I can justify my dad’s flogging (by claiming it was with love and care) and overlook the savagery of many African parents (by saying they didn’t know better), but how do I justify eternal torture, killing the innocent, or watching your children starve to death? 

Anyone (at least, with a more refined perspective on child upbringing and human rights) trying to objectively access the situation can see quite easily that God, as portrayed in the Bible and preached by many believers today, seems to be an abusive father.

But, the thing is, those who believe in God are often religious, and religiousness, by its very definition, requires one to not just believe but also be devoted and obedient, even when it is inconvenient, against their own natural inclinations, or plainly wrong.

Why Many Religious Teachings Lead To Trauma

Around my JSS 3, I became very religious. So much so that I soon became an Exco (i.e. executive) in the Scripture Union.

One thing that I noticed about the sermons back then was an excessive fixation on avoiding Hell, specifically by obeying God, even when that meant going against one’s natural inclinations.

A common, hot topic back then was pornography. It was a word that made (and still makes) teens blush. 

At the time, most of us were just starting to experience puberty. In fact, I had never had an ejaculation.

Sexual urges were strong and common, but they mostly came with a lot of confusion and embarrassment. 

Even when praying, it was often the “spirit of lust and masturbation” that was being cast out into the depths of Sheol.

But it seemed each prayer session only unleashed far stronger demons from the depths of Hades. 

Cases of used condoms appearing in the toilets became a thing. And, somehow, I got exposed to porn myself.

My entire body and mind were aroused by it. But my awareness that it was a “sin” caused internal conflicts. 

Whenever I encountered erotic content, despite the craving, I experienced chills coursing over my body, my knees would get weak, and my entire frame would quiver uncontrollably.

I even prayed that my sexual urges be taken away so I can serve God with a clear conscience, as it was the only major sin I knew I committed consciously, and that I doubted my ability to ever overcome (by my own will power).

My prayers were not answered.

But, eventually, I came to accept that my burning lust and sexuality was not a flaw, nor was it wrong. But, rather a part of me, almost like hunger, thirst, and disgust.

Nevertheless, I still felt a lot of guilt and shame about anything sexual in nature, including seeing porn, having a girlfriend, or even sex.

I had some fear that I would be sent to Hell. I was also haunted by nightmares – of the rapture (with the chosen ones floating up into the skies and leaving me behind) that left me waking up unsettled.

Similarly, a lot of people suffer religious trauma (in diverse, deeply troubling ways) – a topic I have discussed at length in the past.

When Apostasy Is The Right Choice

It took a while for the guilt, shame, and fear to lose their grip on me.

It took me to accept myself fully to heal — to resolve the internal conflicts. 

But I couldn’t fully resolve the conflicts until I stepped out of religion.

Abandoning my religious beliefs was no easy feat. And it didn’t happen instantly, nor did it happen spontaneously. 

I had to distance myself from religion completely – I stopped going to church, consuming religious content, and even interacting with religious people.

However, my healing (from the religious trauma) didn’t fully complete until I started learning about psychology and philosophy, as well as consuming more and more self-help content.

As the content of my mind changed, so too did the way I saw and felt the world. 

***

For the longest time, I was quite aware that Christianity was not the only religion that existed. Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism were also very popular.

But, for some reason, I only considered what Christianity had to say about everything. If the Bible said it, then it was true and should not be questioned but rather obeyed.

To me, back then, the Bible was the instructional manual God Himself – who, I believed, made the Universe – gave Humanity to guide them.

And the Christian clergy people were His mouth piece, who he spoke directly to, and who conveyed His message clearly as it was given. 

So, I read the Bible with the sort of seriousness you would pay an instruction manual. It even got to the point where when I have questions about a random topic, I would just pray in my heart and flip the Bible open, hoping that whatever scripture I stumbled upon was the truth or right thing to do at that moment.

And, the funny thing was my mind found a way of making it all make sense. But I don’t blame my mind. Indoctrination and cultural conditioning led me to believe the Bible was the only source of truth while dismissing all others, and motivated reasoning hijacked my powerful brain to interpret random scriptures as divine messages specifically for me.

What I experienced was a form of thought reform—a complete system that insulated itself from external information and against questioning while reshaping my perception of reality. It is often the reason people find it extremely difficult to abandon their religion.

Anyway, I stepped out — which almost fell like dying or being disowned. 

One of the first things I came to realise was that almost every other perspective – that is, those outside Christianity – saw Christianity and the Bible as either

• Limited
• A lie, or inaccurate, or
• Flat-out wrong or misleading.

While Christians often had similar (unsavoury) views of them.

Which Is Greater, Humanity or Religion?

After I stepped out of my religion, I simply tried to stay true to my humanity. 

I made peace with who I am before the beliefs, “Commandments”, and “Laws” came in. I looked at myself and asked, “Who am I?”… “What am I?” 

I am made of flesh and bones just like goats. I can bleed like the chickens. I need to excrete waste like the dogs. And I have regular erections like horses. I could forget. I could get drunk. I could break a bone. I could die. I could not fly. I could not lift a car. I could not see in the dark. I could not go back in time. 

And, the more I observed, free from the interpretations, the more I saw just how ordinary I and everyone else was. Bishops die. Pastors fall ill. Apostles poop. Evangelists get scared. Reverends feel hunger. You could switch the titles with Monk, Imam, or whatever unique title of your religion, and as long as they are human, it remains constant. 

Even outside of religion, Kings and Queens still use the toilet. Presidents fart. Celebrities still sweat and stink.

I realised the commandments that I once strived to adhere to – that I once thought were divine wisdom – were actually limiting my capacity to be a good person. In trying to abide by them, I was sacrificing my good human qualities – my ability to genuinely connect, empathise, and understand my fellow humans.

The more I accepted our shared humanity, the less I judged or condemned. 

I began finding it easy, almost involuntary, to understand, relate with, and even admire those who weren’t Christians or who didn’t fit the criteria for being “God’s children”. I stopped judging the LGBTQ+, adults having sex outside of marriage, or even those who decide to show off some skin while dressing.

Rather than thinking some people deserved eternal punishment, I began seeing them as humans navigating their own struggles, shaped by their biology, culture, as well as experiences. 

I stopped asking or worrying about what God thought or approved and started seeking how to best love and support my fellow humans. Not just to love them as I love myself, but to love them unconditionally – heck, to hate things about them, yet seek their good.

Because none of us are entirely good people. At best, everyone is trying to do their best. But so many people are good at embellishing themselves – ignoring or hiding their flaws – while highlighting the shortcomings of others or painting differences as bad.

It became clear to me: What makes humanity greater than religion is that, unlike religion, humanity has the capacity to question, adapt, and grow. Religious frameworks are static, frozen in time and text. But human understanding evolves. 

We can acknowledge our mistakes. We can change our minds when presented with new evidence. We can work on our ethics based on our very real and present experiences rather than ancient proclamations, which were most likely made up by fellow less-good humans living in very different times. 

It became important to not push the responsibility of deciding what it means to be good to God, but to do it myself, using compassion and critical thinking.

Why it is important to think critically and not blindly follow religion

I tried to stay open-minded about the topic of religion, but it turns out everyone was trying to play dad in my life, and they all had no valid reason to.

Everyone was trying to fill my mind with ideas that are concocted with intentions (to shape me in the way they thought I should go). But there was no reason to respect or prefer one over the other.

When the Muslims, Christians, or some idol worshiper bring their point of view, their intentions, consciously or unconsciously, cause them to seek evidence that appears to validate their views. 

But often, those aren’t really evidence—they’re just beliefs. Tell a Christian, Muslim, or even someone who practices idol worship to do something that can’t be explained by physiology, nature, or trickery, and they won’t be able to. 

I once told a friend that one reason I left my faith was that the more I sought evidence, the more I realised nothing that was ever done broke the laws of physics.

It will seem that the wonder and finger of God often just existed in our minds.

“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.” — Philip K. Dick

Staying open-minded and accepting everything meant getting inundated with ideas that have no weight and often contradict each other.

Everyone seemed sure of their faith, just like the next guy. And, don’t be fooled, they will attack and harm you for having an equally basely faith.

So, it became important for me to find a way to tell what is true and helpful apart from what is false and unhelpful. Hence, critical thinking became invaluable to me – it was a sword I wielded against even God.

I wasn’t afraid to use critical thinking because I came to understand that if the facts destroy something, then perhaps it was not true, real, good, or helpful. In fact, when you critically think and add more perspectives and information, the true, real, good, and helpful things should stand out even more.

If the truth kills a God, then it is no God.

Some Uncomfortable Truths About Religion

Over the years, some of the most striking revelations I have had about religion are: 

• While it is true that most religions try to bring out the best in people, it is also true that they bring out the worst in people. 
• While most religions bring peace and hope to people, they also bring anxiety and fear to a lot of people.
• While most religions are helpful to individuals and society, it is also true that they are harmful to individuals and society.
• While most people are religious, the majority of them are religious for the wrong reasons.
• While most religious people claim to seek God and the truth, what they actually seek is power and hope.
• While it is impossible to prove or disprove God, most of the claims about God are simply metaphorical or memetic.
• While God, the Devil, Heaven or Hell may not in any way affect me, the very real and often very powerful religious folks can.

These realisations helped me see what the real problem was.

Why blindly following religious leaders can be dangerous

While all my life, I have been the type that searched for the truth – no matter how brutal – it seemed the truth was often quite hard to understand and bear. So, most people would rather seek a very simplified or even twisted version of it that they can work with.

For instance, most religions are based on the idea that if you believe and do as instructed, you will get to heaven, be blessed, or at least be protected from evil. While it is true that acting right will save you from a lot of complex and unforeseeable troubles, most people would rather have it encapsulated in the idea of a blessing/punishment from God. 

They do good, not because they have thought critically about how this helps society, but simply because God commanded it, and they want His blessings, not curses. 

Most of the time, religious leaders steer people towards good behaviours, such as love, peace, forgiveness, giving, and so many more admirable things. And this greatly reduces issues in society and even sometimes makes resolving them easier, with many letting go of grievances simply because God commanded.

However, religion comes with baggage: 

Because the masses are disconnected from reason, a leader can easily steer followers toward harmful actions. They can easily inspire holy wars or convince followers to surrender their possessions without question or out of guilt/obligation.

Without understanding the reasoning behind religious instructions, faith can become suffocating for both individuals and societies. Strict marriage rules, for example, might persist long after their original purpose has become irrelevant, making it unnecessarily difficult for people to marry. 

It can also have darker implications, say, for instance, when religious instructions originally meant to encourage members to defend themselves against aggressors end up preserving ancient hatreds and prejudices that continue damaging communities centuries later.

In some cases, religion directly endangers its followers. In my family’s church, for example, there was a period when members refused hospital visits and medicine leading to many avoidable suffering and deaths. In some parts of Africa, religious leaders have condemned condom use as sinful, leading to widespread disease and unwanted pregnancies. Extremist groups like Boko Haram or ISIS are also notorious for manipulating religious teachings to transform ordinary people into terrorists against their own nations.

Does this mean religion is entirely harmful?

Not really.

Religion is not the problem; people are

While it is easy to quickly judge and say, “oh wow, religion has led to the deaths of millions of people, and causes a lot of stagnation and suffering in society, so we should find a way to eliminate it”, it is important to remember that religion only exists because people believe.

And, belief is not limited to Christianity, Islam, or some other organised religion that has gotten a lot of bad rep.

The truth is that we are religious in nature, and we can turn anything into a religion.

In fact, one can argue that without religion, many societies would have long collapsed, not just from ethical dilemmas but from sheer nihilism.

Sadly, because many of us (specifically the leaders) are not exactly good, things turn dark quite easily.

From Communism to Fascism, there have been a lot of “non-religious” ideas that people have upheld with religious fervor that has led to the death and destruction of millions of people. Heck, people fight and kill for football teams they are a fan of.

They would reject reason and evidence, and would get defensive and attack if you dare suggest the person they adore the most, be it Cristiano Ronaldo or Lionel Messi was not the greatest of all time, pretty much how a Christian and Muslim would be offended if you said something that attempts to taint or discredit Jesus or Muhammad respectively.

Even social media influencers bank on this: To trust that their followers would stand by them even when they are wrong. From Andrew Tate to Drake.

Religion is not the problem; people are. People don’t think for themselves.

They never got to understand why dad was giving the instructions. 

They still hope to keep getting dad’s bread and cane.

“You don’t have to leave your brain at the door”

Just like I took the time to look at myself – to see that I am made of flesh and bones and prone to biases and urges – so too I have taken a look to see that religiosity is a part of me.

And maybe we shouldn’t try to hate it. But to understand and better control it.

Just as I didn’t start sleeping with all the women that came my way because I overcame the shame, guilt, and fear I had around sex, so too you do not have to double down on a religion because you have come to accept that you are a religious being.

Just as one might take note of the issues that arise with unrestrained sexual urges to avoid them, you too must be aware of the dangers of blind followership to avoid it.

And it is not an easy task.

It is one that would require you to bring back critical thinking to your religious life:

So that you can:

• Examine and think about the claims made by your religious leaders and texts
• Control your impulses so that you don’t get blinded by biases or overtaken by some herd mentality, and
• Perhaps most importantly, reject, correct, or step away when you spot something wrong.

Now, whether or not you can still find and fit into any pre-existing, organised religion after adopting this approach is up to you.

But, at least, now you know the gravity of the matter.

Conclusion: We must go beyond religion to be good humans

This piece isn’t necessarily an attack on God or religion, but rather a charge for you to examine your beliefs once more. 

My brother would always tell me that religions are pretty much like Universities. Different universities have different structures, books, instructions, and overall approaches to teaching. But, ultimately, they are all designed to foster learning.

So, you must ask yourself why you are in the university, why you are religious – why you are a Christian, Muslim, or etcetera. You know. Once you’re clear on this, you begin to get the most out of the system.

My brother would also often tell me that, even if it turns out that Heaven and Hell were all a lie, he would still not regret living as a Christian. Because to him, the morals, values, drive, and hope it brings him are good enough.

I like his point of view.

Many people indeed rely on God (whether real or invented).

But to me, God is (metaphorically) dead, just as my dad is (literally) dead.

Today, I may not be a fan of their cane/bread, hell/heaven approach. But I am nonetheless grateful for the lessons, wisdom, and morals they imbibed in me. 

Sadly, for me and most people, religion – as much as Universities fail students or parents fail their kids – fails to make them good people.

Ultimately, we can’t keep blaming the university, parents, or religion.

They may not have given us the best start, but it is left for us to improve from there, both as a society and as individuals.

Just as truly educated people go beyond what is taught in the University to be knowledgeable, so too we must go beyond religion to be good humans.

A Commentary On The Impact of Religious Teachings on Simple Minded and Vulnerable People

There are many people who try to ridicule religious people, often labelling them as stupid. I am not one of those people.

Stupidity is not reserved for religious people. Many non-religious people are dumb and are not religious for the wrong reasons (not that they are smart).

I love both religious and non-religious folks, as much as I trust you love them too.

People with different religious views—or no religious views at all—often clash needlessly. I avoid these conflicts because they benefit no one.

I try to stay cautious of echo-chambers. That’s why I ask Muslims, Christians, Atheists, and AIs (like ChatGPT or Claude) questions. Sometimes I share content with extreme views to my religious friends to see what they think; not that I am agreeing or saying the same thing as the content.

To me – at least, my own scientific and literal mind – the stuff claimed in the Bible (or other religious texts) are not real in the concrete sense. Maybe in some metaphorical sense I agree. But, I simply have not seen any concrete evidence that spirits can heal cancer, make someone rich, or make them bulletproof. Doesn’t matter if we’re talking about Christianity, Paganism, or whatever stuff one comes up with.

And, that skepticism can come off as me suggesting the believer is dumb. Especially if they take their religious views literally. 

I would accept many religious claims if today I see someone walking on water, disappear in front of me, or grow back a missing limb or some other truly “supernatural” thing that can’t be scientifically explained (because, as far as I can tell, such bizarreness was more or less an everyday occurrence in religious texts like the Bible).

In the absence of all these, as much as I love religious people and respect their religious views, I can’t entrust my health, wealth, or life into the their hands. 

I also can’t help resist such baseless believes being shoved down my childrens throat, because kids are particularly vulnerable to indoctrination, lacking abstract reasoning and being susceptible to authority. 

I will rather my loved ones learn critical thinking, perseverance, and “amor fati” – love and acceptance of their fate – rather than kneeling, burning candles or begging some spirit I have never seen move a leaf.

To me, sticking to religious claims without any concrete evidence is like believing in Santa; never coming to the realisation that the adults made it up to persuade the kids to act right.

Some religious leaders might quickly highlight that indeed, some of the ideas in the religious texts are not literal, for instance, the visions the Prophets saw or the parables they shared.

Now, while I totally understand that, I still think religious leaders have a responsibility to clarify this to their members.

For instance, at Recalibrate (where I had given a talk); only a few sharp minds could follow the simple logical math I laid out. Even my sister called and told me that although my ideas struck her deeply, she couldn’t help see how most people would miss it – as most people are “not that smart”.

If that is the case, don’t you think muddying the waters by saying symbolic things as though they were literal would further send simple-minded people in a spiral? Imagine you were taught Basic Science in primary school with symbolism. How could you as a kid understand?

Like, how many people today can think critically or make the connections? So, why then tell them stuff that aren’t really as you said they are – telling them prayer opens doors and stuff like that – when you know quite well they are not that smart and would often misunderstand what you said to think “oh I just need to mumble some words and all my problems will disappear”. Worse, imagine them thinking, “You know what? I can drink literal poison, step on literal serpent, and literally bring the dead back to life”. 

Why not inform them, from the jump, that this is not literal, these stories are probably made up (like Jesus giving parables that didn’t necessarily happen), and that in this world you have to actually do something or nothing changes?

Unless, of course, you too believe such fantastical things happen – that angels come to carry “words/prayers” to heaven, and that some demon could resist the angel, and they would sword fight for months unless you again pray to God to send Michael or stuff.

If that is you, well, I do not know what to say. I am actually surprised you could read up to this point.

Anyway, I also think anyone who knows better (who runs a lucrative business, has a personal doctor, and basically does the sensible things), but goes on to share such “miraculous” ideas without clarifying is being disingenuous; and probably doing it for some other/ulterior motives (and there is no shortage of evidence of such actually being the case).

For the most part, these outlandish and extreme religious views are mostly gobbled up by those who are downcast, forgotten, broken, uneducated, rejected, etc. Indeed, it is not new knowledge. Even Mark Manson, in his book, “Everything is Fucked: A book about Hope”, pointed this out.

Studies have even shown that people ease off on religion once life gets better. So that the saying “religion is the opium of the people” by Karl Marx is really quite in order – as the masses (especially in countries like Nigeria) are poor and suffering.

Now, while this religion thing (as popularly presented) might seem like a necessity for these people, a sort of coping mechanism, I can’t help but see it like cigarettes for homeless people; yes, it does help soothe them, gives them hope even, or at least distract them from their pitiful existence. But at what cost?

Friedrich Nietzsche once said that “Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man”. In truth, there is a lot of strong argument that personal development is contrary to religion as it takes power (and hope) away from the gods and gives them right back to the individual – an individual who is willing to stay sober (let go of the opiums and hope) and rather grab life by its horns.

Would they succeed? Would they fail? Who knows? Indeed, that requires a true leap of faith – to trust in yourself and the process, and make peace with the idea that whatever happens next (after all your efforts) was, perhaps, out of your control.

In this way, one can perhaps trust in the Universe, or dare I say, “God”? But definitely not in the miraculous sense – not in the sense that some father in heaven is coming to take care of all their needs. Not in the disempowering sense.

Grow up, level up, step up.

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Do you find this piece insightful, or have some questions? Please let us know in the comments section.

Below are some other content you might find interesting:

1. Religious Trauma: A Dark Side Of Religion [10 Steps To Overcome It]
2. The Value of Personal Faith (And How To Develop It)
3. Why I Don’t Believe In Prayer Anymore:
4. Self-fulfilling Prophecy: 10 Steps To Using Your Beliefs To Make Things Happen
5. Blind Following: Why You Follow Leaders Without Question