Why Dreams Fall Apart12 min read

We’ve all seen those “inspiring” interviews, where some “successful” person throws around some “motivational” lines about their big ideas, working non-stop, and never giving up on their dreams. 

True, all that matters. It’s how great things get done. However, it’s only half the story and honestly, it’s the boring half.

What about when you put in the work, sacrifice almost everything, and still fail? When that startup you poured your heart into goes down in flames? Your “soulmate” leaves you for someone else, or that passion project you were sure would change your life and the world flops?

That’s the messy reality for most people. But we hardly hear about these, because the losers don’t get to share their side of the story. And even if they did, it never makes headlines.

If you’re here, reading this blog post about why dreams fall apart, chances are that life isn’t going so well for you now. 

But don’t be gloomy. It is times like these you can learn the most important lessons and may experience real growth moving forward.

This piece isn’t another “rah-rah, pull yourself up and never give up” pep talk. We’re diving into the raw, uncomfortable territory of shattered dreams and bruised egos. 

In this piece, we’ll face the pain head-on, learn why dreams fall apart, and extract the wisdom hidden in the wreckage.

But first off let’s make some clarifications.

What are Dreams?

We’re not talking about your mere wishes, thoughts, or feelings that pop up while you sleep or have had too much to drink. 

The dreams we are talking about are the driving force behind everything that gives you a sense of purpose. That is, they are at the bedrock of why you feel your life is worth living.

Your dreams are the things you want to see in the world. They push and pull you forward when things get tough. Whether it’s building a business, writing a book, or simply living a life that feels authentic and unique.

Dreams are the silent engines of change, the invisible architects of our world.

Our ancestors dreamed. They envisioned ways to improve their lives and those of generations to come.  

Every groundbreaking invention began as a dream in someone’s mind. 

Every thriving business was once a dream, a burning desire to solve a problem, to make life easier, better, and more fulfilling.

Every healthy relationship stems from the aspiration to connect, to understand, and to grow together. 

Dreams are the compass you follow, guiding every decision, big or small, toward the life you truly want to live.

However, dreams sometimes die or never materialise. 

When your dreams are in doubt or danger, it’s necessary you look at things from a refined perspective.

Let me show you what that means.

Why Do Dreams Die?

Back in 2011, I had dreams of either travelling abroad or studying architecture at the University of Maiduguri the following year. But a chain of events (I’ll spare you the details) shifted everything. Since then, I’ve wandered down different paths and travelled across various states in Nigeria, each experience causing a major shift in my life.

A few years back, I picked photography and writing as my tools to build the life I want. But I’ve mostly stuck with writing because I can’t afford the gear I need to chase my photography dreams, and my surroundings aren’t making it any easier. Sometimes, I wonder if I’ll ever be a full-time photographer in a few years or if it is just another dream slipping away.

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Dreams, big or small, are built on our perceptions, beliefs, understanding, and circumstances. They’re often formed when we’re younger or hold a different set of expectations. So, when they crumble, it’s not necessarily because of unrealistic expectations, misguided values or lack of grit. 

Most times your dreams fall apart because of these 3 life-altering reasons. 

Too much chaos in your life

Dreams don’t die overnight. They slowly slip away in small, almost unnoticeable bits. Why? Entropy.

Just as in physics, where the Second Law of Thermodynamics says that energy naturally spreads out and systems move towards disorder, our dreams follow a similar path. 

At the beginning, your dreams are like a system with high energy and order, everything feels clear, exciting, and full of potential. But as time goes on, life smacks you right at your testicles.  

You make some decisions—some great, some not so much, with the bad ones making everything unravel faster. The clear vision you had becomes hazy. You get confused. You lose focus. You get too comfortable. The hope and energy you had at the beginning fade away. Then life piles on more problems – money troubles, health issues, failed relationships, self-doubt and so on.

Like the mist of Harmattan mornings, your dreams appear to slowly vanish before your eyes.

Maybe it was the pressure of family expectations, bad debt or your country’s collapsing economy increasingly distancing you from your dreams.  This is entropy at work.

The ugly truth no one talks about is that dreams don’t always die because they’re impossible, you weren’t capable or didn’t try hard enough. Dreams can die because of TOO MUCH CHAOS around you.. 

You stopped dreaming (new dreams)

I majored in Agricultural and Science Education. But it wasn’t my first choice. Heck, it wasn’t even my fifth. (Welcome to Shattered Dreams 101, my friend.)

Still, I’m grateful for the experience it brought me. 

One of those experiences is that farmers don’t just toss one seed in the ground and hope for the best. Nope. They plant three or more in each spot. Why? Because life’s unpredictable, and not every seed will sprout.

This isn’t just agriculture – it’s a masterclass in how your dreams work:

Let me ask you this: from childhood to adulthood, how many of those shiny-looking dreams can you proudly say you’ve accomplished?

Yeah, that’s right… 

Most of them are dead, buried, and might never resurrect. 

That’s the sad truth. 

80% of your dreams won’t sprout. But often, those dead dreams make way for the experiences that truly matter—they may even nourish the 20% that will actually count for something. 

In other words, it is expected for most of your dreams to fall apart. So if you don’t dream new ones, then that’s it for you. 

The trick lies in dreaming more dreams (finding that 20% that might just sprout). Sadly, too many people stop dreaming.

And the third reason dreams fall apart is because of…

Your perspectives changed 

The theory of life course perspective suggests that our development doesn’t stop at childhood; life events beyond that period can either open or close pathways to achieving your dreams. What once felt achievable might become unreachable after life takes an unexpected turn.

Major life events such as ageing, career change, religious conversion/apostasy, childbirth, illness, or even migration can significantly impact your dreams. 

This evolution of dreams and aspirations can even be seen as a form of growth. 

As you and your circumstances evolve, you shed the dreams that no longer align with who you are, clearing space for new ones. You invite fresh perspectives, sharpen new skills, and plant new seeds of who you’re meant to be.

That’s to say, some of your dreams die because your perspective changed.

Is it okay to let go of your dreams?

There are some dreams that are so cherished that abandoning them feels like giving up your life. Is it okay to let go of such dreams, or should you stay hell-bent on pursuing them?

Sticking to or letting go of a dream is one of the toughest decisions you could make. The decision isn’t always straightforward, and neither is it made once. 

At different points in your life, you’d have to decide if you should stick to it, make some adjustments, or quit altogether. Here’s why:

• As you grow, your priorities and desires shift. What once felt like everything may lose its importance as life presents new perspectives. Holding on might no longer align with who you are becoming, so letting go could be a valid option (we’ve talked about this in the beginning). 

• However, there are moments when it’s more rewarding to pursue your dream to the very end, even if it costs you everything. Because it offers you a chance to be a better person while opening unexpected doors. 

• Other times, a dream isn’t necessarily realised by the dreamer, it can still live on through a prodigy, comrade, or grow far beyond its origin.

Take Jesus for instance. His ultimate goal was to save the world, a vision so grand that it seemed impossible in his lifetime. Yet, He focused on twelve disciples. And about eleven of them carried the dream forward, expanding it to impact billions accross millennials. 

A modern example is Elon Musk. His dreams are all about shaping humanity’s future. From creating electric cars, going to Mars, and building fast internet access, to developing the most advanced AI to advance understanding of the universe. He has put in time, money, and effort to bring these ideas to life, and many people who believe in his vision have joined him along the way.

So even if you don’t realise your dreams, they can still inspire others. Like Jesus and Musk, your efforts can become stepping stones for future generations, leaving a legacy beyond yourself. 

Good dreams aren’t always personal desires. They also contribute to something bigger, like a community or a cause, making them worth fighting for despite the hurdles.

Letting go comes with its own cost. Abandoning a dream can bring regret, unfulfillment, or even depression. So it’s crucial to weigh the toll of giving up against the reasons for letting go.

Sometimes, it’s not about abandoning the dream altogether. Adapting it, finding a compromise, or shifting its form can still let you pursue the essence of that dream. 

Timing also plays a role. Life rarely syncs with our plans, and setting a dream aside for now doesn’t mean abandoning it forever – sometimes, it’s just waiting for the right moment.

Deciding whether to chase a dream or let it go is personal. It’s about honest reflection, understanding where you are in life, and whether the dream still aligns with who you are or who you could become.

What matters is making a choice that stays true to you, allowing you to live a life that’s fulfilling – whether you hold onto the dream or explore a new horizon.

The process is all that really matters. Like chasing a utopia – a peaceful, loving world that may seem impossible but is still worth striving towards. 

Even if the dream is out of reach, the journey itself can shape you into a better person. For example, working to become a better writer has made me more patient, open-minded, curious, humble, etc.   

However, if the process doesn’t inspire growth or fulfilment, it might be time to reconsider whether that dream is truly worth pursuing. The real value lies in how the chase transforms you.

Conclusion: There is a chance your dreams may come alive 

My heart breaks every time I step out and see people in the worst state of life. Bent under the weight of heavy loads just to earn a kobo. Drivers are stuck for hours, burning more on road tax, and fuel and they might still have to do more to keep up with the bills. Market women fighting for the attention of a few buyers, their voices straining from the effort. Students struggling to make it out of school, with no guarantee of a job. 

It makes me wonder what their dreams are.

What they had hoped for, and what could have happened to bring them to this point?

Where do they go from here if their dreams get shattered by the unforgiving realities of life? 

Yet, despite the heartbreak of witnessing such struggle, hope must never be lost.

Why?

There is a chance your dreams may come alive!

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” – Marilyn Monroe 

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If you found this honest talk helpful and not just feel-good fluff, let us know. Leave a comment, like it, or share it with someone who might need to hear this. Sometimes we all need a push to face the truth and do better.

Here are some other content you might find helpful:

• What It Means To Grow Up
• 10 Things To Do With Your Life [Before You Die] 
• Uncovering Your Passions: 10 Ways To Discover Your Passions
• What You Need More Than Money: Self-actualisation 
• Forget Others’ Ideas Of Career Success. Here Is How To Create Yours.