When Your Dream Fails: 4 Solid Ways to Move Forward 9 min read

The average life expectancy in Nigeria is 54 years.

Now, we both know that’s just numbers on paper.

But, if we go by that data, 54 years is the average time you have to make your dreams a reality. That doesn’t seem like much once you’re past 25. Worse yet, many dreams don’t come to fruition. Sometimes, they crumble for reasons beyond our control, and that’s a hard truth to swallow. 

If your dreams start to fall apart, people may offer the conventional “It’s well” reassurances, but deep down, we know it’s not that simple. You can’t patch up a broken heart and dreams with words of affirmations, cliches or platitudes. Quick fixes and generic advice do not provide real help either. 

What I’ve found is that understanding core principles, and timeless truths, is far more practical and helpful. These truths give you a framework, something to lean on when things fall apart. 

And in this piece, that’s exactly what we’ll focus on. How these principles can guide you through life’s ups and downs, and help you rebuild from the cracked bricks of your dreams.

What to Do When Your Dream Fails

When your dream fails, do these:

Trade your fixed mindset for a growth mindset

Carol Dweck’s research on growth and fixed mindsets shows us how different people handle failure (or in this case, shattered dreams).

She argues that, if you have a fixed mindset it means you see failure as a reflection of who you are. If you don’t achieve a dream, it becomes proof that you’re not smart, talented, or worthy enough. You feel like your worth is tied to that failure, and because you believe your abilities are set in stone, the disappointment can be paralysing. You may give up altogether, thinking there’s no point in trying anymore.

With a growth mindset, the script is flipped. Instead of fearing failure, you see it as part of the journey. It’s not a sign of personal failure; it’s an inescapable path to growth. 

Everyone has failed at something. So when a dream falls apart, it’s not the end. It’s an invitation to evolve, to stretch beyond the known to the unknown. 

Most people don’t immediately achieve what they set out to do. While many of those who lead a fulfilling life walk an entirely different, unexpected path from their original dream.

But they could only persist or take the new path because they have a growth mindset. And that’s because a growth mindset thrives on the unknown, embracing each setback as a chance to grow up, level up, step up and not as a final judgement.

Trade your fixed mindset for a growth mindset.

And like a phoenix rising from the ashes, you transform from the experience, better equipped to pursue new opportunities.

Embrace beginner’s mind 

When your dreams fail to materialise, it’s easy to become disheartened and close ourselves off to new possibilities. However, cultivating a beginner’s mind can be a powerful tool for healing and moving forward. 

This is similar to the concept of  “Shoshin” in Zen Buddhism, which encourages you to approach life with openness and curiosity, free from preconceptions.

This approach also resonates deeply with Jesus’s teachings in the Bible. In Matthew 18:3, Jesus states, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” This statement highlights the value of childlike qualities: curiosity, openness, and a willingness to learn without preconceived notions.

Children naturally embody this beginner’s mindset:

• They recover quickly from disappointments.
• They remain open to new experiences, even after setbacks.
• They adapt their dreams and goals without feeling defeated.
• They maintain a sense of wonder and possibility.

Yeah, yeah, sounds like an impossible cliché especially when it feels like time isn’t on your side. However, it’s effective and as simple as:

• Being comfortable with your pain, but not letting it define you.
• Viewing failure as a necessary experience or detour rather than an endpoint.
• Approaching your next steps with curiosity and courage instead of fear.
• Remaining open to new dreams or modified versions of old ones 

Find the core of your dreams

Most of us tie our dreams to specific outcomes – like becoming a published author, a top athlete, an international singer, or gaining followers as a social media influencer. But it is wiser to tie your dreams to something deeper – something at the core of your being.

In Howard Gardner’s book “The Frames of Mind” he argued that our dreams can also reflect our different intelligences.

Intelligence here is the unique way your mind naturally interacts with the world. How you best express your creativity and purpose. We all have different strengths or ways of processing information, whether it’s through words, logic, shapes, music, or movement.

When you talk about dreams or something internal, like your desire to create through writing, photography, or drawing; you’re essentially tapping into the specific type of intelligence that resonates with you. 

Imagine someone who’s always drawn to solving puzzles or organising things. They might have strong logical-mathematical intelligence, and their dream could be to become an engineer or scientist.

For me, I’ve always felt connected to shapes, words, and creative expression. Over time, I’ve shifted from drawing, dancing, and playing the guitar to writing, photography, and even a bit of UI/UX design. These may seem different, but they all come from the same source: my need to create, express and help people value themselves, embrace their uniqueness and become better versions of themselves. Whether it’s through visual-spatial, linguistic, and bodily-kinesthetic intelligences, my why blends all these forms. 

When you find your core, superficial goals and external metrics become less important. It’s no longer about how it looks, but why it matters. Because when one dream fails, you can always reach back to the core and find another way to satisfy your inner drive. 

Find your core, and you’ll never stop dreaming – the possibilities become endless, and your fire inextinguishable.

Focus on Survival  First, Then Aim to Thrive

Few people immediately accomplish what they set out to do. Especially in places where the economy is struggling, and the cost of living keeps rising, making it hard to save for the future or invest in education and skills. 

Where success often feels like it requires luck and connections, pursuing passion feels like a luxury you can’t afford. It’s a constant battle to stay motivated when the odds are stacked against you. Big dreams and ambitions are often put on hold. The gap between aspirations and reality widens, leaving you disillusioned, wondering if those dreams can ever be achieved.

But in such an environment, it’s more important than ever not to give in. Don’t sit around and let depression derail your life. Instead, keep doing what you’re supposed to (without making desperate choices, like giving up, blaming others or engaging in illicit activities, which only makes things harder for you and those around you).

In the words of Oprah Winfrey; “Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do”.

Side note: At the moment, I’m searching for a side job as a way to keep surviving till my dreams come to fruition.

Build your foundation. 

Secure your basics. 

Then go higher.

Though the path forward may seem daunting, you can take action by staying present, focusing on what you can control, and being compassionate to yourself and others. 

With that, you can transform despair into hope, not just for you, but for all whose dreams have been deferred. By uplifting the least around you, you grow up, level up and step up to the occasion.

Conclusion: You Are Not Too Late to Dream Again

“You may delay, but time will not.”

The quote above is often attributed to Benjamin Franklin. It speaks to the importance of using your time wisely. Because time itself is neutral. It doesn’t care whether you act now or wait until later. And if we consider that the average life expectancy in Nigeria is 54 years, it can feel like there’s a ticking clock on making your dreams happen. And while that’s a sobering thought, it’s also liberating. 

Here is the beauty of life and time…

Everything is always moving forward – the universe, waters, trees, sands and so can YOU.

Yet, chasing your dreams isn’t a race against time. It is a mode of being, a way of life. It’s about ensuring that, no matter where you are now or how long it’s taken, you still live in alignment with your why. 

You may have lost moments, but those losses don’t define what you can accomplish from today onward. 

In her 50s, my mother is still dreaming of owning a restaurant. Even if her dream doesn’t come true, the pursuit has already pushed her to try and learn and that’s what really matters. 

Realise that you’re not too late to dream again. Your dreams are still valid, and time’s passage doesn’t erase their potential. It’s not about the title, money, or accolades. It’s about the feeling, the process that energises you.

No matter how long it’s been or how many setbacks you’ve faced, there’s always a chance to rebuild, pursue, and fulfil your dreams – na just two sec, everything fit stew for you. Why you wan come give up?

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If you found this content liberating and helpful let us know. Leave a comment, like it, or share it with someone who might need to hear this. Sometimes, in the thick of darkness, we just need a small light to guide our way. 

Here are some other content you might find helpful:

• Why Dreams Fall Apart
• Limiting Beliefs: 10 Tips To Overcome Thoughts That Hold You Back.
• Level Up: How To Reach Your Full Potential
• Finding Purpose In Pain: How To Grow Through Pain (Instead of Suffering) 
• How To Get What You Want In Life: 7 Lessons From Elisha And The Widow’s Oil