Stop Chasing, Start Attracting: This May Be The Secret To Getting What You Want6 min read

You will start getting what you want faster when you learn to stop chasing and start aligning yourself with them.

Imagine turning on a light bulb at night to invite insects, or spraying grains on the floor to call down soaring birds.

Though counterintuitive, most times it is harder to get something when you chase it.

It is hard to imagine a heist that will leave you as rich as Elon, Bezos, or Mark. And I don’t know any influencers that got there by forcing or begging people to follow them.

“The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes”

– Mark Nepo.

Why Do I Never Get Anything I Want In Life?

If you find yourself thinking, “Why do I never get anything I want in life?”, it may be because you are approaching it all wrong.

There is an art to getting what you want; and now, allow me to show you:

Picture a jet. To go upwards, it must send something downwards – a downward force causes an upward motion.

You get results by identifying the desire, then aligning with it.

For example, in my 200 Level in university, I had a crush. It was so strong I would sometimes blurt out her name without knowing it.

One day I summoned the courage to get her phone number. 

I muttered to her shyly, “I wanted to get your phone number”. (Notice how my words were morphed by fear).

She looked at me funny and replied, “okay, seems you no longer want it”. 

Then there was an awkward silence, after which she left without giving me the number. I never asked again either.

In my 300 Level, I was still very nervous around ladies.

Thankfully my “brand new crush” was the one who first asked for my phone number. I gladly gave her. 

We would go on to be close friends; but that was where it ended.

Yes, I was friendzoned.

By my 400 Level, I was done “crushing”. I realized there was a problem, and I was sick of not getting what I wanted.

So, I started my development journey.

My first enemy was conquering my fear and shyness.

I won by simply putting myself in more awkward and uncomfortable circumstances. By forcing myself to ask and go for what I wanted despite my body trembling.

I did this by asking the attractive ladies if I could have  their phone numbers. Many times I chickened out, but sometimes I did it. And kept doing it.

I kept stepping in “harm’s way”; but to my surprise, I was not harmed. I never got embarrassed as I dreaded it. I got rejected a whole lot less than I feared. If I asked 10 ladies for their phone numbers, 8 gave them to me with a smile. 

I didn’t have a girlfriend, but I now had a lot of female friends. I was closer to what I wanted. Or was this what I wanted?

As I mastered aligning myself with what I desired – despite what people said or how nervous I was – I began to notice something strange.

I realized it wasn’t the girlfriend I really wanted…I wanted to feel powerful and validated – I wanted to be considered special.

I know this to be true because somehow the admiration came without the commitment of a relationship. And, I got hooked on it. And, I later figured I feared commitment partly because it puts this thing I desire under the mercy of someone else.

A lot of people don’t get what they want because their actions and true (innermost) desires are not aligned.

Look, many people don’t want a relationship. They only think their desires are in a relationship. And it is the reason many cheat, or do other things that sabotage the relationship when their desires are not found in the relationship.

Yes, they sooner or later go for what they want, or simply despise the relationship they currently thought would have been it.

Of course, most people are ignorant of their true desires. And even if you could see through them, and tell them, they will often deny it. Nevertheless, their actions (or proclivity towards certain actions) will seldom lie.

And this is why people who are experienced enough to act and speak in terms of the other person’s desires almost always win.

But let’s forget about other people

To get what you want, you must first be clear on what you want.

Needless to say, to get something from others, identify what they desire and brandish it in front of their (metaphorical) eyes.

None of these is rocket science, but it sure does take you high.

How To Get Anything You Want, Almost All The Time:

Supposing you are clear on what you desire and have aligned yourself to it, how do you get it? How do you get anything you want?

What is the secret?

Let me tell you about someone who embodies the secret:

I’ve known her for about six months now.

She gets all she wants 

If she is walking down the road and she sees a mango on a mango tree, she stops and won’t leave till she has more than enough mango in her bag

It doesn’t matter if she can or cannot climb a mango tree. 

If she wants it, she will find a way, or find someone who knows the way…

If she asks you for a favor, she won’t stop persisting till you give in (or give her?)…I’m not sure about the correct wording

But I know she gets whatever she wants 

You may deny her of it now, but she would eventually get what she wants 

Because she knows what she wants 

And

She has a way of being completely, single-mindedly focused on it 

Zero sentiments, shame, or fear

She doesn’t give a f#ck what people say

You can’t switch topics when speaking with her

Each topic must be concluded…else she will keep reverting to it…no matter how hard you try to change it

I can imagine her bagging a billion if she aims at it.

A partner if she likes

A model body if she wills

I wonder what we can learn from her

I wonder how being aligned, focused, and persistent can get you anything you want

Don’t you wonder too?