They say a hungry man is an angry man, from that perspective it is easy to see where the problem lies- Hunger
Most times in life we take things too personal, we attach so much importance to ourselves that we begin to actually believe in our minds that the world revolves around us, we begin to feel that the weight of the entire universe rests on our shoulder and as such we are responsible for every single thing that occurs in our lives
However, a life changing realization is that- you’re not special…I know you might be probably thinking, “what is this guy saying”, but that’s the way it is. There are over seven billion people on the planet, they all also feel special, if all seven billion people are special, then there’s no more “special” …
Hopefully you get the point (sorry for the news though).
However, I gave you this piece of information so you could understand that you aren’t the problem, like I said a HUNGRY man is an angry man, the hunger is the issue not the person who spilled his plate of hot spaghetti…
So back to the matter
Basically you have this angry looking person yelling at you, pointing fingers and probably threatening to leave a fist on your face, you know you did something that didn’t seat well with this person and you’re trying to calm this individual down, to at least listen to you, right?, well , let me start by saying that you shouldn’t ask the person to calm down
Yeah, you heard that right. Think of it, how many times have you seen someone pissed just calming down because he/she was asked by the person who pissed him/her off to do so – it doesn’t work, actually the reverse is usually the case in most situations
THIS IS HOW TO CALM / DEAL WITH AN ANGRY PERSON
Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com
- DON’T TELL THEM TO CALM DOWN: Usually when someone is outraged we usually feel the impulse to tell them to cool off, to just take a walk and comeback to us with their heads clear and maybe smiling, well, this almost never works, it actually ends up having a boomerang effect, take for example.
(ANGRY PERSON): You son of a b*tch you broke my ten-thousand-naira Wrist watch!!!
(YOU): you have to calm dow…you get cut off midway
(ANGRY PERSON): I SHOULD CALM DOWN, I SHOULD CALM…
you get a fist or two depending on how charitable the person is
This would most likely happen because you’re in no position to make demands, all he/she feels at that moment is pure anger towards you, all you say is as annoying as what you just did, or they thought you did, your voice sounds so annoying and they actually fell like to shut your mouth with a slap
The point is just don’t tell them to calm down, it’s not worth it, follow the next steps depending on the situation
- KEEP QUIET: simple right?
Just keep your mouth shut (you might want to also keep your distance)
This is what happens when you keep quiet
- You give them the room to vent all their anger and frustration
- You get to know exactly how they feel and the degree
- You get to know what part of your action got them angry
- You get to know what they demand from you
Almost self-explanatory, keeping quiet enables you to understand the “why” and “how” of the Anger, with this tool you’ll know how to answer when the time is right
BONUS: keeping quiet and letting them fume about what just happened would cause them to release so much negative vibes that they would actually start feeling uncomfortable about how they are reacting, they would actually stop yelling and start demanding that you talk, so you talk
- SPEAK IN A CALM MANNER: at this point he or she is probably demanding that you say something, he/she is also waiting so you can say something that he/she can use against you (you don’t want that happening). What you’re to do is to respond in a calm manner, keep your voice low, just loud enough for he/she to hear if he/she pays attention, keep your words flowing and stop speaking if you get interrupted, trying to speak over his or her voice would be considered offensive and would lead to both of you trying to talk over each other- leading to yelling, which is actually counter productive
Remember you can never win an argument and a friend at once, don’t let it escalate, keep it calm, try to create an atmosphere of MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING and keep it
Make sure you acknowledge your fault and probably his feeling where necessary
After you’ve successfully gotten your point across proceed to the next step
- SUGGEST A SOLUTION OR GIVE AN APPOLOGY: Now, before someone starts yelling something, must be wrong, so you should try to fix it, don’t let it get to you even if they keep on saying you’re this or that, remember the HUNGER IS THE PROBLEM, not you.
At this point you have to be on your toes, something is wrong and you’ve got to fix it because you’re an awesome person, you fix every mess (at least you try)
Therefore, quickly suggest a solution if you have any on your mind (this is not the time to keep thoughts to yourself), you can ask them for suggestion on how to deal with the situation
Make sure you don’t offer a solution that would feel like an insult, even if you’re fixing the problem make sure to show remorse and probably apologise once or twice. Forking over cash rudely might get you a drubbing, you have to cater for both the physical and psychological damage, remember it’s your fault YOU PIECE OF SH**!!
And finally, a bonus tip for my faithful reader
- MAKE A JOKE OUT OF IT: Photo by Daiken Victor on Pexels.com
yeah this is the best part, the part where you hit someone with your car and end up marrying them – so romantic, right?
Anything, and I mean anything can be made to be a joke, even Adolf Hitler Killing millions of people is laughable if viewed from a distorted perspective, for instance. among a group of drunk friends playing call of duty, one of them can come up and say he heard Hitler thought the people he was killing were his enemies in a video game, he didn’t really realize that they were real humans because they seem too easy to kill…I know that was a terrible joke, but you get my point. You can’t be angry with someone that’s making you laugh
HEY., skip to the fourth step if you’ve just hit someone with a car
So there you have it , the secret to calming every one down.
I hope you enjoyed the article, hope it helps, do leave a comment to tell me what you think about this.
You can ask questions too
HEY. HE’S STILL ANGRY WITH YOU