Choose Your Tribe: How To Find and Connect With People Like You14 min read

It’s hard to make real friends as adults. Everyone seems busy with their own problems and ambitions. Shared fun times are replaced with new goals, responsibilities, and pressures. Some good friends even move to different cities or countries, making it tough to keep in touch and foster bonds.

Consequently, we look for and accept relationships that leave us feeling empty, bored, frustrated and in some cases regretful. 

Finding people who make you feel among, happy, and enthused about life may be difficult but not impossible. All you need are people who are like you. Your tribe. People who truly understand and accept you, regardless of your circumstances – rich or poor, healthy or ill, far or near. 

In this blog post, you will learn what “a tribe” truly means. This knowledge will help you recognise, connect, and build a meaningful relationship with your kind of people.

What Does “Finding Your Tribe” Mean?

In anthropology, a “Tribe” refers to a human social organisation made up of smaller groups called “Bands”. These bands can come together temporarily or permanently and are connected by shared traditions or a common way of thinking, speaking, and acting.

Similarly, in recent times, the phrase “finding your tribe” means discovering a group of people (Students, Colleagues, Professionals, Neighbors, Creative collaborators, Mentors and mentees, etc), with whom you share a deep connection and mutual understanding. 

Note: There is a significant difference between a tribe and an acquaintance. An acquaintance is someone you interact with occasionally and share superficial connections with. While a tribe refers to people who you share values, interests, and goals with. 

When you say you are looking for “your tribe,” you mean you’re seeking people who share commonalities or have traits you aspire to adopt. 

Tribe Power: Why is Finding Your  Kind of People Important?

In 2012, my dad and I were ready to move to southern Nigeria. The rest of our family had already gone there a year before because of terrorist attacks in the north. I was scared and upset about leaving.

Upon arrival, I told my mom, “I hate it here.” I felt this way because everything seemed strange. It wasn’t just the physical environment, the people thought and acted differently too. I felt like an alien.

I felt odd. I didn’t feel a sense of belonging. All I saw were new faces. All my friends were gone. With no one I felt connected to, it became harder to feel happy or excited about the things I used to enjoy. For example, I stopped feeling enthused about playing football, and rather learnt the acoustic guitar; which I could enjoy alone.

But, everything changed when I met Rawling and Kunle. We clicked right away. They were both professional dancers, and, even though I wasn’t a top dancer, I joined their dance crew and started rehearsing almost every day to get better at dancing, spend more time with them and build friendships. We became inseparable, sharing meals, drinks, and long walks to our dance meetups.

Even when performances didn’t pay, the sense of belonging was priceless. As a member of the Xtreme Dance Crew (XDC), my feelings of lost identity, struggle to fit in, and misunderstandings all faded away. I had found my tribe.

These experiences taught me parallel lessons;

• Everything changes.
• Everything has its time.
• We can’t be friends with everyone.
• How and why friendships end doesn’t really matter.
• You don’t need everyone, and not everyone needs you.
• Sometimes you might feel like something’s wrong with you. But that’s just because you haven’t found your tribe yet.

Your tribe is important because it is the mirror that reflects who you are and the food that satisfies your need for companionship and growth. Your tribe provides both a sense of identity and support.

Signs You’ve Found Your Tribe

A true tribe empowers your individuality, not suppresses it (unlike in the case of the crab mentality). They’re catalysts for your personal growth, not crutches for complacency.

You know you belong to a tribe when the members support:

• Your goals.
• Your uniqueness and oddities.
• Your right to change your mind.
• Your boldest dreams and ambitions.
• Your need for solitude and reflection.
• Your constant evolution and learning.
• Your failures as much as your successes.
• Your mistakes, flaws, and weaknesses. 
• Members’ skills complement yours, fostering teamwork.

These are signs and now that you know;

Open your eyes. Search out those who align with your authentic self.

And build a tribe that propels you towards a life of true purpose and meaning.

When you do find your tribe:

• They’ll love you for who you are.
• They’ll understand you without words.
• Your tribe will challenge you, not coddle you. 
• You’ll no longer feel misunderstood or inadequate.
• Your tribe will have a song that fires you up together when life gets tough. It’s not just a song – it’s your shared battle cry. It reminds you why you’re in this fight and that your people are right there in the goddamn ring with you, ready to face anything. This anthem binds you, ignites your spirits, and steels you for whatever comes next.

Now, let’s zoom in for the how? 

How to Find Your Tribe

Whether you’re starting from scratch or looking to expand your circle, these strategies will guide you towards meaningful relationships and a sense of belonging. 

But, remember, finding your tribe isn’t just about surrounding yourself with like-minded people; it’s about creating a support system that encourages growth, understanding, and mutual respect. 

As our opening move…

Unmask Yourself

To find your tribe is to first know yourself. If you don’t know where you are, you really can’t go anywhere. Hence, self-knowledge is the compass that guides you to authentic connections.

This means you might need to do the shadow work. Confront and understand the parts of you that you’re afraid to reveal – including your guilty pleasures and weaknesses. They’re not just imperfections – they’re signposts pointing to who you could become if you are willing to do the work.

Once you understand yourself better, finding people who share your interests, and values becomes natural. Your authenticity acts like a beacon, attracting those on a similar wavelength.

Your task:

1. List your core values – not what you think they should be, but what truly drives you.

Example: You claim to value fitness, but consistently prioritise mindless consumption over exercise.

2. Identify your passions – what makes you lose track of time?

Example: You’re engrossed in painting for hours, forgetting to eat or check your phone.

3. Reflect on your past – what habits, decisions, and choices emerge in your best and worst moments?

Example: In crises, you instinctively take charge, revealing hidden leadership skills.

4. Question your most cherished beliefs – are they truly yours, or inherited?

Example: You’ve always attended religious services weekly, but when asked, you realise it’s more out of habit and family expectation than personal spiritual fulfilment.

5. Experiment relentlessly with new ideas, activities, and perspectives.

Example: Try out designing, writing, photography, dancing, singing, even if you are devoted to a completely different field or have always considered yourself “not creative”.

Understand this: Your tribe isn’t waiting for a polished, perfect version of you. They’re waiting for the real you – the rough edges, weird obsessions, and all. Dive deep into self-discovery. It’s the first and most crucial step in finding where you truly belong.

Show yourself to your tribe

Connections don’t just happen. You must reveal yourself. Share your experiences and be strategically vulnerable. Someone will relate to your ups and downs. Take action instead of waiting passively. Your openness creates opportunities for genuine connections.

Last year, I shared my experience of meditating with music, which might seem unconventional. At first, I worried people would think I was weird. However, several people messaged me, thanking me for the post and music link, saying it worked well for them. 

But it didn’t end there. We started talking more, discovering shared interests like art and common goals such as pursuing meaningful careers. As our conversations deepened, we became friends. Some even went a step further, referring my services to their contacts. 

What began as a simple shared appreciation for music blossomed into genuine connections and unexpected opportunities.

The point: If I had let my fear of rejection stop me from sharing a part of myself, these new friendships would never have formed. I might have remained trapped in shallow, unfulfilling social circles. Instead, by taking a risk and opening up, I found genuine connections.

To show yourself to your potential tribe:

• Make the first move – initiate a conversation or share an experience on your WhatsApp status or Facebook wall.
• Bleed for your tribe – practice strategic vulnerability.
• Share your quirks and all – don’t hold back your unique traits.
• Follow your curiosities relentlessly – pursue your interests with passion.

Remember: When you’re ready, your tribe will appear. 

Assemble your tribe

Generic social circles imposed by society such as; family gatherings, schoolmates, political affiliations, ethnic communities and social media circles often fail to truly fit you. These groups often clash with your genuine interests, values, and personality, creating a sense of disconnect.  By unmasking and revealing your authentic self, you’ll recognise the futility of wasting time with energy-draining, growth-stifling groups. 

Instead, you can actively assemble your own tribe – a community that resonates with your true nature, fuels you, and nurtures your growth. This process of assembly isn’t about passively fitting in, but actively going out there and connecting with those who align with your genuine self.

In the mid-1970s, tech enthusiasts gathered at the Homebrew Computer Club to share ideas and tinker with new inventions. It was there that Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak, fueled by their shared passion for technology, unveiled the Apple I computer. This pivotal moment sparked the creation of Apple Computer Inc., which is now one of the most valuable companies in the world.. 

Just like Jobs sought out a tribe that shared his fascination with technology, finding your own tribe can lead to personal growth, ignite creativity, unlock happiness, and lead to success in your chosen career.

Your task:

1. Identify your top 3 interests, values, and skills.
2. Search for groups focused on these areas, whether offline or online.
3. Commit to attending at least one new meetup each month.
4. Engage fully – don’t just observe from the sidelines.
5. Be open about who you are. Share your authentic self in conversations.
6. Use social media purposefully. Follow people, pages and hashtags related to your interests – be it on LinkedIn, Instagram, or X.
7. Volunteer for causes you care about. Love writing? Learn and become an impactful writer on pawns. 

Understand: Quality trumps quantity. One person that truly gets you is worth more than a superficial crowd. 

Attract Your Tribe Through Your Work

Your work can transcend being just a job or a product – it can become an extension of your very essence. It serves as a powerful signal, attracting kindred spirits and naturally distancing those whose values don’t align with yours.

The majority of my writings revolve around purpose, career, and spirituality, as they reflect the current stage of my life. Sharing these thoughts through my writing isn’t merely a way to understand myself and learn; it’s an invitation to others traversing a similar life phase. It’s a way of saying, “Hey, I feel you. You’re not alone.” Through exploring these themes, I’ve connected with individuals who’ve shared their own stories, sought advice, and collaborated with me in various ways.

When you infuse your unique self into your creations, you’re not simply producing something – you’re broadcasting your identity to the world and attracting your tribe. If this doesn’t resonate with your work, the issue might be twofold: either you’re concealing your true self, or you’re engaged in work that doesn’t reflect who you are.

The path forward:

1. Embrace your authentic self in your work or creations.
2. Identify what makes your perspective unique.
3. Boldly share your work, without apology.
4. Connect deeply with those who resonate with your output.
5. Seek out and collaborate with others who share your vision.

Understand: Your most genuine work acts like a magnet for your tribe. It’s not about pleasing everyone – it’s about attracting those who truly get you.

By putting your work out there, you’re not just building a career. You’re sending out a signal to your tribe, saying “This is who I am. Are you like me?”. This is why learning to build a personal brand on social media can also be such a wise thing to do.

Don’t dilute your message. 

Amplify it. 

Your tribe is waiting to listen.

Be Patient, But Persistent

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither will your tribe. Finding your kind of people is a journey, not a destination. It requires time, effort, and often, a fair bit of trial and error. You might feel discouraged if deep connections don’t happen immediately. But remember, impatience can lead to settling for the wrong people. 

So don’t rush. Persist. Embrace the process of finding your tribe as a long-term project.

To do this:

• Set realistic standards and expectations for building meaningful relationships.
• Consistently put yourself out there, even when it feels fruitless.
• Reflect on each new connection, identifying what resonates and what doesn’t.

• Cultivate the relationships that show promise, giving them time to deepen.
• Stay open to unexpected connections – your tribe might form in ways you didn’t anticipate.

Understand: It’s better to take your time finding your true tribe than to rush into unfulfilling friendships and relationships. Your patience will be rewarded with connections that truly matter.

Conclusion: Choose Your People Wisely

Throughout history, tribes have been key to human success. From hunter-gatherers who first ventured out of Africa to modern social networks. 

Tribal instincts shape our evolution. As Yuval Noah Harari points out in “Sapiens,” our capacity for shared fictions – be they religions, nations, or ideologies – has allowed us to cooperate on a scale unmatched in the animal kingdom.

However, not all tribes benefit you. Some elevate, others stagnate.

When picking your tribe:

• Choose those that improve you.
• Seek groups that educate.
• Avoid those dictating thoughts.
• Leave when it feels wrong.
• Join diverse groups for broader perspectives.

Your tribes shape who you become and your impact. Just as the ancient proverb goes, “Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are.” In the context of our tribal nature, we might update this to: “Show me your tribe, and I’ll show you your destiny.”

So, choose wisely.

Books About Finding Your “Tribe” Of Like-Minded People:

• Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World by Vivek H. Murthy
• Belong: Find Your People, Create Community, and Live a More Connected Life by Radha Agrawal
• Built to Belong: Discovering the Power of Community Over Competition by Natalie Franke
• Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging by Sebastian Junger
• The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker

***

Did you enjoy reading this or do you have any questions? Please let us know in the comments section. Also, don’t forget to share this content with friends and family, they may also find it helpful. Thank you.

Below are some other content you might enjoy reading:

• Standards Vs. Expectations In Relationships: The Key To Avoiding Disappointments and Toxicity
• Build Deeper Connections With People With These 5 Tips
• How To Improve Your Social Life [Even If You’re Not Outgoing]
• How To Build Social Connections (With 13 Conversation Ideas)
• The Reasons You Should Worry About What Others Think of You