What It Means To Step Up: Living Life To The Fullest16 min read

The first time I met James, I thought he looked a bit too young to be in the university. He was quiet, unusually slim for his height, and always carried a big backpack that was always full. To the best of my knowledge, he was just a chill colleague of mine who loved video games and seeing movies like many of us.

But, somehow, fate brought us closer. He rented a room in the lodge where I was staying. The proximity, forced us to interact more, so we eventually became friends, and subsequently, for a short while, roommates).

I soon learned he was from a very humble background, very good at graphics design, and loved music. But, those were not the things I found most interesting about him. What I found most interesting was how much he maxed out without losing sight of what was important.

He rooted and tweaked his Android devices, and upgraded the RAM and OS of his personal computer even when it was very much functional as it was. He spent hours, if not days customising themes and wallpapers. He would reduce the font size of his device till it got bricked and sometimes ran software on his PC that made it scream like a Formula One car zooming by. 

But it didn’t end there. He also pushed his body and mind to their limits. Meanwhile, at this point, as a friend, I was aware his slim stature was due to a rather serious medical condition and that his big backpack was ridiculously heavy. Yet, for some reason, this guy would stress himself past anyone else I knew. I would always catch him multitasking –  playing video games while reading for exams, fixing a PC while eating breakfast, seeing a movie while receiving a lecture, and so on. He was also always walking to and fro long distances with his big heavy backpack, walking so much I sometimes wondered where he got the energy.

It didn’t take long for him to go past graphics design to become a UI/UX designer, build a startup, fly out of the country, start participating in international competitions, and to the best of my knowledge is out there pushing the limits in whatever he is doing.

But, he isn’t just a solo rider. He is also someone who carries people along, with many of his friends also pushing the limits in their respective domains. He is generous in sharing his knowledge as well as opportunities. He has referred me to a number of clients, and on some occasions rendered his service without charging me a dime. 

He keeps himself accessible and available to loved ones without losing himself or trying to please everyone. And, perhaps most impressively, he is also not the type to get easily shackled by ideologies. He speaks and acts with caution but without unnecessary fear or timidity.

In short, you could tell he is excited about life while at the same time doesn’t take things too seriously. He is often cheerful and tries to live each day like his last.

And, even though, I know he might feel he hasn’t achieved all of his dreams, I think he is living quite an adventurous life on his terms – he is living (almost) to his full potential, doing work he finds important, connecting with like-minded people, and going to bed everyday feeling somewhat fulfilled he had done his best and has little, if any, regrets. And I can tell because he often wakes up and posts on his WhatsApp status, “Another day to be world-class!”.

He sure isn’t dreading his life, or cursing his fate. He is facing it head-on and getting better by the day as he steps up to the occasion.  

It is simply difficult to stay close to him without thinking, how much better your life might get if you stepped up a little bit more. I hope this piece inspires you to step up. 

What Does It Mean To Step Up?

This isn’t another motivational piece about working yourself to death or competing so you can show your haters and those who didn’t believe in you that you made it. 

No. It is rather about you coming to terms with the fact that your life could be dramatically different – more meaningful to you and impactful to others – if you accessed, harnessed, and unleashed your full potential.

I still remember my JSS1 first term when people (I believed) I was smarter than were called up as the best-performing student while I stood amidst the crowd forced to applaud. I was so disappointed in myself that the next term, I put in more effort and emerged the 2nd position, and overall second-best student in my class. And, for most of my secondary school days, I stayed in the 2nd position, though sometimes dropping below that (often due to a decrease in the effort put in).

I could see that how well I performed was mostly up to me – it was proportional to the degree to which I stepped up. 

This, of course, is not to say all students could or should always strive to come top of their class. There are a lot of factors to consider, from family values and structure to genetics and natural inclinations. 

Indeed, as I grew older, I found that I needed to step up other aspects of my life (which I considered far more important). For instance, I stepped up in my social life, romantic life, financial life, and so on. 

The point is, though life is not always fair, you have an important and big part to play in how you live it and what you get out of it all. No one can do this for you.

And, the truth is that, for most people, perhaps you, there is a lot of potential left dormant. You can be more. And you will be surprised just how much more that could be.

“True hell is when the person you are meets the person you could have been.” 

But don’t get it twisted. Stepping up doesn’t mean subjecting yourself to pain and misery just to get approval from others. It doesn’t even mean being “number one” or “winning”.

Rather, stepping up means meeting life’s challenges and opportunities with your best effort and attitude. It means realising and tapping into your potential to live a better life. It means taking responsibility for your life, by utilising what you have rather than leaving it idle, to waste away.

The truth is that you have the ability to do so much better in different areas of your life. You could step up in your academics, relationships, finances, health, and so much more. You have the potential.

But, you need to first decide what is important.

How Defining Your Own Success Helps You Step Up Correctly – Live Life To The Fullest

While stepping up often leads to success, it is not always the same as success. In fact, success is often subjective. Only what you value can feel like success to you. For instance, I suspect our ancestors had a very different definition of success from what we have today. 

Back then almost everyone had a piece of land to cultivate, and the river was accessible to everyone – so that they all ate the same type of food, had similar shelters, and wore similar clothing. Success was simply a matter of having a little more goats, yams, or kids than the next person.

So, stepping up – living life to the fullest – tended to be more about accepting responsibilities, living up to their moral values, keeping their land from invaders, raising their kids right, and doing the things they enjoyed (be it dancing, bead-making, wood-crafting, or even drawing).

But today, there seems to be quite a huge divide in how life is for different people, despite us all having access to basic education and the internet, (which can be seen as the farmland and river of modern times respectively). And this widening gap in what success looks like has consequently skewed what people focus on when trying to step up (i.e. live life to the fullest).

Acquiring More Is Not Thesame As Stepping Up?

In Nigeria for example, there are people who still live in mud houses and have never been in an air-conditioned room. And there are also those whose life looks like an E! TV reality show – cars, diamonds, private jets, yachts, and more cars.

With such a divide (in levels of comfort and luxury), it is not hard to see why many people do not consider whatever position they are in now in life as enough and might seek success by chasing those physical things. They struggle to see themselves as successful if they lack X million, Y car, or live in Z house. 

And, while there is nothing wrong with acquiring those physical things it is now sad that, unlike our ancestors whose primary focus was to step up – live life to the fullest – by doing things which make them feel proud and alive, we now see more and more people sacrificing what makes them proud and alive for the physical things.

People now live in super-busy cities, take on more stressful jobs, and have no time for family, not to mention health or passions. Some are lost chasing grandiose goals and trying while ignoring their health, relationships, and heart desires. Some even deny their kids/responsibilities, betray friends, give up their dignity, and sell themselves (both in the literal and metaphorical sense) just to see this success.

This is not stepping up if you ask me. It is not living life to the fullest, but rather throwing it away.

Success Is a Mirage

Worse, there is a tendency for such superficial success to recede like a mirage. For example, over the past 7 years, I have achieved countless milestones in my online venture which before I achieved them, felt intimidating. For example,

• Launching my blog was a huge success until I had to publish my first 10 blog posts
• After publishing my first 10 blog posts, writing a book became the next big milestone
• After successfully writing and publishing the book, making 100k naira was the goal
• After the 100k, well, let’s just say 100k was only the beginning.

Once those milestones were reached, they felt like nothing. 

Think back to different areas of your life. How many of those external milestones have left you feeling satisfied for more than a couple of hours, or weeks at best? I don’t even feel anything talking about coming second in class or having my first kiss, or even graduating. In fact, I sometimes cringe thinking about my past milestones: 

• Anyone can launch a blog
• Anyone can write 10 blog posts. AI can even do it in like 10 seconds.
• Book? Who cares about books? Any moron (with sufficient focus and determination) can publish a book
• 100k? Pff! What am I supposed to do with that?
• And on and on. 

Somehow, no matter how impressive I thought it was, compared to the thing I am chasing now it feels inconsequential. And, I don’t think I am the only one who feels this way. Else, tell me why everyone isn’t losing their mind over the fact that most of us now have access to a 4G network, electricity, clean water, Artificial Intelligence, toothpaste, and even freedom? Heck! How many of us have even had to pick up a gun and go to war?

I am not saying one should be comfortable in the mud house. I am saying one should not carelessly disregard or sacrifice the peace in that house.

Why?

Because, it seems the more we gain these external treasures at the expense of that internal one, the less full our lives feel.

The truth is, stepping up or living life to the fullest isn’t about some destination or achievement but the way you are living and experiencing the journey itself.

The Way Up Is In

We are not wired to be satisfied with achievements. Sex with your celebrity crush will not satisfy you. 100M followers will not satisfy you. Having 10 brand new Ferraris and a humongous yacht will not satisfy you. Doing 10 kilos of cocaine will not satisfy you, in fact, it might just kill you.

These external things may make your life very very comfortable, even put you in a state of euphoria, but they simply won’t do the trick; not for long. They would not leave you feeling like you’ve made the most with your life. 

Countless millionaires battle with existential crises – not because they don’t have achievements or haven’t done great things, but because they stopped, you know, striving and making the most of their waking life, or perhaps came to terms with the void in their soul.

Stepping up is not about reaching a new level. It is about living in such a way that levels do not matter. It is about making the most of what is. It is about not letting room for regret – it is about not slacking or ignoring what is important to your soul. It is about doing what you can!

As long as your mind is concerned, all external titles or properties are just one more big tuber of yam – things that you can only at best store, use, or consume, but aren’t your core, essence, or soul.

When you assume that stepping up is chasing external things, you find yourself feeling constant pressure, dissatisfaction, and anxiety; and in some cases you wake up one day disillusioned, disappointed, or depressed because of how much you put into chasing something meaningless to you.

The way to step up is to look inward – to chase good values, and focus on things that are meaningful and important to who you are as a person. For example, 

• working hard on things you are passionate about (even if it is as a side hustle, even if it adds to your stress, and even if it might cost you some money), 
• being a more honest person (even if it costs you some opportunities and relationships), 
• living healthier (even if friends and family say you’re weird or not cool),
• or perhaps being a kinder, loving person (even if some people might take it for granted or try to exploit you).

Stepping up in areas like this is more sustainable, and makes you more and more fulfilled as you get better at them. When you step up this way, you tend to love yourself more, even when those external things come or go. 

Indeed, you feel more fulfilled each day you do the things you love, live honestly, make a healthy life choice, act kindly to those around you, and express love to your friends and family more. At least, that is how I would feel since I value those things.

Rather than trying to win a game set up by society to reward your ego, try to step up by seeking self-actualisation (whatever that means to you). That is what will nourish your soul and that of those around you, like the living waters of Eden.

And, like Jesus once pointed out, when you step up on the truly important things – the things that nourish the soul – all other things get added. When you live in alignment with your Ikigai – when you do the things you love and in a way that adds value to society – and are maxing out your ideas, ability, and time, like my friend, James, you will most likely see improvement in that physical domain.

The question is, will you abandon the comfort, accolades, pleasures, and all other temptations, to step up – carry your cross, take responsibility, live your life to the fullest – doing the things that deep down you know you should, but perhaps have been too afraid or lazy to do?

Conclusion: Strive to live each day to the fullest, whether success comes or not.

One fact that is hardly acknowledged, let alone talked about is that it takes an awfully long time to achieve most “Success”. Often, to be “successful” requires spending years in a field or a craft – say 5, 10, 15, or even 40+ years. It often entails enduring painful setbacks, making substantial sacrifices, and taking scary risks, and even at that it is not always guaranteed. Worse, when it does come, it often feels sort of hollow – like an empty World Cup you just place on the table and stare at.

For some of the successful people we idolise today, “success” – in the sense of money, fame, and the like – only came when they stopped trying, and just focused on living their lives to the fullest – doing what they think is important to themselves and the world. 

Some who met all the prerequisites, who did something truly remarkable for humanity only got recognised and “successful” after they passed away. Others got the success, only to be driven mad by its emptiness to the point they were filled with regret and in some cases ended themselves.

So, perhaps, you have to consider if you want to live the next 10-50 years of your life putting your life and happiness on pause in pursuit of the elusive and often hollow “success”, or if you want to live each day to the fullest, whether success comes or not.

Just as my friend chose to max out each day – despite his health challenges and limited resources – by doing what he found meaningful and contributing to those around him, each day presents you with an opportunity to step up, not just to succeed, but to live life fully. And, perhaps, that is the greatest victory in this short life of ours.