The Unexpected Cost of Showing Off7 min read

Last week I caught myself doing something I don’t like. I showed off. It wasn’t planned, but it happened, and it made me think hard about why I did it.

I went to visit a friend in her shop. My phone was low on battery, so she offered to charge it for me. As I reached into my pocket for the charger, I realised my International Passport was in there too. And that’s when the temptation hit.

In Nigeria, at least in the town where I live, a passport isn’t just a travel document – it’s a symbol of hope and opportunity. It represents a chance to escape the hardships, insecurity, and insanity that plague our country. And, as silly as it may sound, it is often viewed as an achievement/status symbol – viewed with a mix of envy and admiration.

I knew I could easily hand over just the charger without revealing the passport. But something in me wanted to show that passport. It was like an itch I couldn’t help but scratch.

That part of me that loves to show off – to prove how awesome I am – won out. Ironically, the same part holds me back from displaying my true expertise, feeling I’m not successful or skilled enough. It is ego.

I pulled out the passport alongside the charger, feigning an accident. As expected, it caught her eyes so she asked, “Are you planning to leave the country?”. “No”, I answered, as I explained why I had carried it with me.

Then, just like that, it was over.

The itch had been scratched.

What Does It Mean To Show Off?

Showing off is a complex behaviour rooted in the desire for validation and recognition. It involves deliberately drawing attention to your possessions, achievements, or qualities, often with an underlying hope of impressing others or boosting your own self-worth.

You can show off in many ways – from subtly mentioning your accomplishments in conversation to flaunting your spouse. It’s not always conscious; sometimes we show off without even realising it, driven by deep-seated insecurities or societal pressures.

This behaviour isn’t rare. Every day, every minute, someone somewhere is posting their new accomplishments, car, house, certification, or job on social media. But those likes and comments rarely last beyond a few hours…maybe days if you’re an influencer or celebrity. In reality, only a few people – usually the ones you don’t need to boast to – care about you.

In simple terms, showing off is vain.

I dislike when others show off, be it their abs, cars, diamonds, or curves. That was why I felt a bit disappointed in myself, and even ashamed that I had done that.

It’s not that I don’t admire these things or that I am never genuinely happy for others. But, most times I find the people brandishing those things to be trying too hard. To me, they come across as shallow, and sometimes condescending. 

So, why did I do it?

To feel good? sure.

But was it worth it?

Do I really need to feel good by showing off what I have?

The answer is no.

Why?

In many cases, showing off often reveals that a person doesn’t fully know their true worth, struggles to accept themselves, or doesn’t quite have their values in the right place.

(I forgive myself for my behaviour, and I promise I am working on these.).

Why Is It Bad To Show Off?

As I looked deeper into my own behaviour and feelings, I began to see that I just wanted to be seen as important – to be loved, valued, and appreciated. I didn’t want to be ignored.

But, the truth is that when you try too hard to make yourself seen, you unintentionally conceal yourself. Others see the things you’re showing, but may not see you.

The irony of showing off is that while you do it to feel valued or admired, it often achieves the opposite effect. People may perceive it as vanity or insecurity, leading to disconnection rather than the connection you crave.

It is worse when you show off intending to make others feel bad because then they hate you and may try to tear you down.

While there’s no definitive scientific data comparing the happiness levels of those who show off and those who don’t, psychological research suggests that excessive focus on external validation or material possessions can negatively impact happiness and well-being. And guess what? It is celebrities, who often face immense pressure to maintain a public image, that may be particularly susceptible to these challenges.

But, this doesn’t mean you should hide. 

As a marketer and professional, I understand the need to showcase and show off what you’ve got – be it achievements, skills, products, or experiences. In fact, it is a key to success. But when it comes to personal interactions, especially with those we want to truly see us (to love us), it becomes counterproductive to try so hard.

What To Do Instead of Showing Off

As social beings, the desire to be validated may never be entirely suppressed, neither should it. But, you shouldn’t strain yourself to seek attention and validation. If they can’t see you without the show-off, they still won’t truly see you afterwards. That’s why you need a strong sense of self-worth to keep you solid.

Beyond helping others understand our thoughts and feelings, and putting in our best effort in the things we do, excessive desire for adoration often stems from narcissism – a trait I’m wary of feeding in myself or others. It is also inherently unsustainable as the perception of others – and ultimately their adulation or denigration – is skewed by their own biases, insecurities, and experiences.  

In simple terms, if those around you don’t recognise your value or undermine you, change your environment or free yourself from seeking their validation.

“You will never stop seeking validation from others. It’s impossible. Instead, seek validation for better reasons and from better people.” – Mark Manson

Conclusion: True Worth Lies Beyond What Can Be Shown. 

While I make an effort to acknowledge my friends – praising their skills, complimenting their appearance, applauding their courage, or expressing admiration for their accomplishments – I sometimes wonder why they go overboard. Why the excessive filters, overly revealing clothing, or ostentatiousness?

Yes, it’s unhealthy to suppress feelings, including the desire for validation. However, I think it’s best to temper this need by reminding yourself that you’re worthy of love as you are.

The more you accept yourself and others, the less you desire to show off.

Which brings us to two crucial questions: “Who are you?“, and “Can you see/accept others as the humans they are?”

***

Did you enjoy this content or have some questions? Don’t hesitate to use the comments section. Also, feel free to share with friends and family if you think this might be helpful to them. Thank you.

Here are some other content you might like:

• Self-rejection: Why You Avoid The People And Things You Love And Want.
• Build Deeper Connections With People With These 5 Tips
• Unconditional Love: How To Love Someone’s Soul
• Gain Confidence In Yourself With These 10 Tips
• They Call It Selfish, I Call It Self-love