Purpose Comes First: What to Do When Everything Feels Like a Waste of Time

Purpose is often treated like a luxury or ultimate goal, yet it is essential and foundational for a deliberate and meaningful life.

Without purpose, intensity is diluted, experiences feel shallow, and in the end, everything feels like a waste of time.

While it is understandable that many people are fine with just doing things that put food on the table, distract them from their worries, or help them while away time, what this piece is highlighting is that purpose—whether in our career, relationships, or health—helps us engage more fully with life.

In other words, if your life feels somewhat empty or shallow, it might simply be because you haven’t been paying attention to purpose. And that is exactly what this piece is about.

Why Purpose Shouldn’t Be Treated Like a Luxury

For many people, adult life feels like being stuck in the one subject they hate, with a teacher they detest. From soul-crushing jobs to hellish relationships, many people live lives they don’t really want.

But the solution is not running off to do the things people claim you should be doing – it’s not as simple as quitting your job, breaking up with your partner, becoming religious, reading books, meditating, or what have you.

In fact, you can do all those things only to end up at a worse place than you started – the person who hates their new job even more, feels trapped in the new relationship, feels more unworthy before God, feels like the books are a waste of time, and feels the meditation sessions are pointless.

So, what is the right approach?

Start with purpose!

Sadly, purpose is something most people don’t think much about.

For many, it’s seen as something to figure out later — after food, rent, safety, and status have been sorted – after reaching the tip of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

But what many don’t know is that there was a critical element Maslow later added a level above all other needs. And that element was “Self-transcendence” — the need to connect with something beyond yourself, to serve a cause greater than your own interests. In other words, “Purpose”.

Yet Maslow’s depiction might be misleading, because purpose isn’t just at the top of everything – it is at the base of everything too. It’s what gives everything else meaning – and by extension, what should be prioritised above everything.

Think about it:

• Purpose gives you a reason to get out of bed to work, to savour the nutritious meal you’ve earned, and to make your home beautiful and comfortable—without it, you dread work, eat without tasting, and live in the most wrecked place without a care in the world.
• Purpose drives you to protect your health, to exercise with intention, to rest when you need to—without it, you neglect your body, ignore warning signs, and wonder why you’re even trying to stay alive.
• Purpose draws you toward people who energise you, communities that challenge you, relationships worth fighting for—without it, you settle for whoever’s around, feel lonely in crowds, and let meaningful connections slip away.
• Purpose fuels your desire to develop real skills, to earn genuine respect, to build confidence through contribution—without it, you chase empty validation, compare yourself endlessly, and feel like a fraud even when you succeed.
• Purpose pushes you to stretch beyond comfort, to master your craft, to leave something behind—without it, you ignore your talent, avoid challenges, and watch your potential rot unused.

Purpose doesn’t just sit at the top waiting for everything else to be sorted—it’s the reason you bother sorting anything at all.

“Without a purpose, life is motion without meaning, activity without direction and events without reason” – Rick Warren

The acts we admire and those who live them out don’t wait to find purpose after their needs are met — they often compromise or offer up those needs because of it:

The mother gives her food to her child.

The humanitarian risks their safety to care for those affected by disasters.

The soldier heads towards a wall of bullets and a rain of bombs to protect their nation.

Purpose shapes priorities – it decides what matters first.

To live without it is to lose sight of the story — because what story exists without purpose?

How Purpose Changes Everything

“Let all your efforts be directed to something, let it keep that end in view. It’s not activity that disturbs people, but false conceptions of things that drive them mad.” – Seneca

Without purpose, we drift aimlessly like a ship that has no captain or compass, and it is not hard for shipwrecks to happen under these circumstances.

For instance, earlier this year, I was in full-blown panic mode about AI. For a while, AI tools have been getting more sophisticated, which made me worry about what I do as a writer – seeing these machines can write entire, error-free pages in a matter of seconds. Search engines like Google also went on to introduce AI overviews, AI mode, and so on, which further made me question my relevance as an SEO content writer. In fact, ranking for keywords became an issue, and in truth, the entire content writing industry panicked about becoming obsolete.

Having been developing my writing skills for almost a decade, it felt like a huge chunk of my life was a waste of time. And as Seneca said, it was driving me mad.

But then, as I kept ruminating, musing, and scribbling about my worries, I started to gain clarity. I found that what was really valuable was not mere words, but the stories, ideas, relatability, and how they actually impact and move people. It wasn’t necessarily the fact or volume of text that mattered.

For instance, despite being in the self-help space for years, I didn’t start working out until after reading the story of Esther, who didn’t think she needed to visit the gym because she was not fat. Being someone who wasn’t fat as well, and seeing the several benefits she enjoyed, coupled with my experience with fatigue, which she also shared, I started working out, and it’s been over three months now. It was not some clever research, polished content, or long piece that got me to make the shift, but an honest, relatable story.

It all forced me to examine what I was really doing.

And so, I switched. I switched to sharing stories and making my content as soulful as possible. Rather than trying to be a genius, answering questions or giving ultimate explanations, I started focusing on the value my work brings to people—the CV that gets the interview, the copy that gets the sales, the personal living story that inspires others to live more fully. And that was when I felt like I took hold of the sail.

Finding the purpose behind my work made it deeply fulfilling, and surprisingly easier to market.

Each piece stopped being about finishing another task or to get money, but became a means to engineer real, important transformation. It was a way to influence behaviours and decisions so that lives, organisations, and communities are improved.

“If you seek tranquillity, do less. Or (more accurately) do what’s essential–what the reason of a social being requires, and in the requisite way. Which brings a double satisfaction: to do less, better” – Marcus Aurelius

How To Differentiate Purpose from Ego

“Your purpose is not what you do, it’s what happens to people when you do what you do.” – Viola Davis

When most people sense they need purpose, they run to:

• Zodiac signs
• Religions/Prophets
• Scriptures, or
• Traditional roles/stereotypes

While all these indeed have the capacity to give you a set of things to do – which you can then find meaningful and live as your purpose – the truth is that you have so much more freedom than you think.

In reality, you can have a purpose as broad, narrow, or as dynamic as you want.

The story of Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus perfectly illustrates this point: 

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It was roughly 458 BC. A rival tribe, the Aequi, had cornered the Roman consular army, and the Senate, in a moment of desperation, requested a leader capable of absolute authority—a dictator—to resolve the imminent threat.

Their choice fell on Cincinnatus, a respected former consul who had long since withdrawn from public life. When the Senate envoys found him, he was behind his plough, farming his land.

Upon hearing the matter, Cincinnatus agreed and assumed dictatorial powers. He mobilised a relief force and defeated the enemy within just fifteen days. The crisis was averted.

And while many thought Cincinnatus would hold claim to the power he now possessed, he immediately resigned his absolute authority and returned to his farm. And, as crazy as it sounds, he was called upon a second time in 439 BC for a different crisis, which he resolved with similar efficiency before returning yet again to his farm.

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The point is, most people assume their purpose is to be “great” – the President, a billionaire, a supermodel, etcetera. But the reality is that purpose is not the same as ego.

While ego might pull you towards what might make others admire you (say being a King, Rich, or Celebrity), Purpose pulls you towards service to others (whether that be ruling wisely, rendering essential service to your community, or entertaining your tribe).

Notice how one could occupy the same position, yet for different reasons – ego vs purpose.

Like my friend, Ifeanyi David, once said, “Purpose isn’t something you’re born with or something that magically lands in your lap. For most people, purpose is built, not bestowed. It takes trial and error, successes and failures — along the way, those experiences chip away at ego, assumptions, and the illusions we start life with, to uncover purpose. In other words, purpose grows as you grow. It’s something you nurture through intentional reflection and personal development.”

What Changes When You Find/Choose Your Purpose

“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.” — Fyodor Dostoyevsky

With a clear purpose, action becomes smoother, more intense, and far more sustainable (even in the face of pain or hardship).

For example, recently, I have been delighting myself in reading “Mastering English” by M.O. Odiaka, a book which I didn’t care much about back in primary school. Now, I devour chapters, taking my time to soak up the details of each lesson. Why? Because improving my English serves my purpose—writing stories that cause transformation.

The same thing happened with fitness. Despite my initial attempts leaving me sweating profusely and struggling to keep my insides, I stuck to the routine. Today, I can go 10 sets and still feel energised. The drudgery transformed into passion because I stayed consistent with something that served a purpose.

The same happens in relationships, finances, faith, and so on.

There would always be struggles, but purpose makes it not only bearable but meaningful.

“Just as nature takes every obstacle, every impediment, and works around it – turns it to its purposes, incorporates it into itself – so, too, a rational being can turn each setback into raw material and use it to achieve its goal.” – Marcus Aurelius

Conclusion: Be Yourself, Be Helpful.

I recently saw a picture of a visitor interacting with a Himba woman in her typical village setting. The Himba woman seemed quite happy, well-fed, and like someone I would love to have a chat with. The image felt warm and welcoming. But I couldn’t help but wonder: Is she wasting her potential and that of her kids by living in that remote village, contributing more or less nothing to the larger world?

The question left me reflecting on my stay in Nigeria. “Am I wasting my potential staying in this country?”

But then, I think about Cincinnatus on the farm, and how he could be satisfied just ploughing away in his modest farm. I imagine someone walking up to him and asking him, “Don’t you think you’d be serving a greater purpose on the throne? Or leading the army?” And, I assume, he must have responded with, “I find sufficient purpose growing food for my community.”

I think of that imaginary answer, and it calms me. It helps me refocus on the essence of the little things I do – feeding the chickens, assisting a friend financially, editing a client’s document, writing this blog post, reminding my friends that they are not alone, being me.

And, maybe, like Cincinnatus, wherever I find myself – whether deemed higher or lower – I would be myself, I would be helpful.

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• Purpose: The Most Important Thing You Can Do With Your Life.
• Finding Purpose In Pain: How To Grow Through Pain (Instead of Suffering) 
• Maybe You Need Less: Finding Meaning And Purpose Living A Minimalist Lifestyle
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