Arguments Can Make You Smarter: 5 Ingredients for Productive Debate11 min read

I think there is something insidious about having someone or something that never admits being wrong – from parents and pastors who don’t like being questioned to presidents and gods who don’t condone being challenged – especially in this world where we have seen, time and time again, that everyone makes mistakes and many people suffer because of bad ideas.

Without (a system that enables) correction, we stay stuck with outdated and harmful beliefs, even if they might have initially been helpful. I will expand on this later.

In this piece, we will discuss why intellectual and ideological sparring is important and how to do it right.

The Proper Way To Argue

Just before my dad’s passing, we finalised a long-standing debate about Artificial Intelligence versus Human Intelligence—which was better. He was of the opinion that there is nothing humans make that can be better than what God has made. While I was of the opinion that we make things far better than what naturally exists.

In the course of the debate, I explained to him that AI wasn’t about replacing all that we can do, but rather doing more efficiently some things we do poorly. To illustrate, I told him, while humans can do calculations, digital calculators can do it faster and without error. I also explained to him that while humans can run, cars can move way faster than we.

He agreed to those. But he still struggled to see how machines could be more intelligent (this was in 2021, a year before ChatGPT stormed the world). So, I pulled out my iPhone and told Siri, “Call my brother,” and it instantly started dialling my brother’s number. So, I explained to my dad that intelligence is all about problem solving, and you just need to be able to learn from past experience and apply it to present challenges. Like, I had informed Siri earlier that a specific number belonged to my brother, and now it can connect that to carry out different actions, from calls to text – same thing with knowing where a wall is, or doing other tasks. The machine just has to be able to do this. And, in fact, they can do it way better than most humans.

His eyes lit up as he agreed, expressing marvel at the ingenuity of humans. Somehow, he realised that this wasn’t an attack on his former idea that God’s creations are superior, but rather deepened it, while still helping him see the difference, nuances, and perspective that we can’t always go toe to toe with machines in all aspects simply because God made us better. And the rest of the evening was cool.

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This was not the first time such a thing had happened. My dad is someone that, although appearing physically, intellectually, and charismatically intimidating to say the least, will never try to shut you up or make you feel less. He can sit for hours talking about topics of interest, even if it means enduring hearing the most ridiculous or silly arguments, and then setting things straight.

And here is the thing. In all our time together on earth, I don’t recall him ever telling me or anyone really to “Shut up!” And, perhaps, that is exactly why everyone shuts up when he starts speaking—because now, after having understood your point of view, he dissects it and leads you to a greater truth, supposing what you said didn’t lead him to a greater truth.

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And, there lies the secret. Most people argue with the intent to win, and that is exactly why most conversations are not productive. But, if you argue with the intent to grow each other’s understanding, then even the most heated debates—by people with very contrasting ideas—can still be edifying.

If you want to see what I mean first-hand, then go watch the talks of Jordan Peterson and Alex O’Connor, or Jordan Peterson’s most recent debate with 20 Atheists. While many of the debaters came to win, and most viewers came to see Peterson being disseminated, the few who saw it as an opportunity to better understand each other’s perspectives and grow, as well as those who watched to learn (for example, I and my brother) came to find it to be some of the most eye-opening debates out there on the internet about Religion (Christianity to be specific).

And, I can tell you that my brother and I do argue a lot as well—many times for hours at a stretch, dropping and picking up conversations later on in the future, with some arguments running for months or even years. And, guess what? These discussions have made us both more well-rounded in our differing stances and perspectives.

And, I value such arguments because they are rare. Most people, like I said, just want to win. And so, they invent all sorts of strategies and set traps to ensure they win. And, others, when you successfully outsmart their strategies and escape their traps, launch into insults, abuse, and even threats just so they don’t concede—which actually means “learn,” but they are so blinded by their ego not to see it.

I am talking about religious people who would threaten you with hell because you don’t believe their interpretation of the scripture, people who would label you gay or sick because you spoke up for the LGBTQ+ community, or zealots who would outrightly tag you an enemy and possibly harm you if you highlight the fact that the politician they are supporting is corrupt and have no good intentions for the country. Or is it those people who would start putting words in your mouth—saying you are stupid for saying humans came from apes—while in fact you never said that but were simply trying to explain evolution and our common ancestry with the apes to them.

But you are not one of those people. You want to actually improve your own understanding, rather than win with a faulty idea.

5 Ingredients for Productive Arguments

Arguments should not be avoided. Arguing, in fact, fighting, is the fuel that feeds progress. But it must be done right.

I was not born with these “ingredients” – I was just around people and circumstances that encouraged me to learn them. This may not even be all that is required. But I hope it helps you. Below are some of the key ingredients to having a productive argument that leads to growth:

Respect: 

I already had respect for my dad and my elder brother, so no matter how crazy or triggering their ideas might be to me, I would never dare to insult or attack them instead of their idea. 

Heck, I have on occasions called their ideas stupid (I am giggling as I write this), but I had to watch my mouth nonetheless and refrain from such as much as possible. Anyway, that was not enough. 

They also had respect for me not to attack me or ask me to shut up when I was proving to be a smartass or argue too viciously. 

The thing about having mutual respect is that it saves the conversation from spiralling into personal attacks and fights, which, as you know, isn’t productive. That is why I don’t argue with people I do not respect.

Patience: 

There also needs to be patience on the part of both parties. You cannot have a productive conversation if you keep cutting each other off or dropping the call.

And patience relies on respect. But, it takes a lot of patience to listen to someone say things that you disagree with in detail—enough details for you to know why they think that way, and what the strengths and weaknesses in their thinking might be. 

Of course, this is where arguing over texts or essays can be helpful, as you both get the time to fully flesh out your ideas before passing them on to the next; even then, they will need a lot of patience to go through them.

Critical Thinking: 

Now, there is really no need to engage with someone who hasn’t demonstrated some critical thinking ability. 

And, again, I was lucky to have a family filled with very, very smart people. And that means, not only do they understand my arguments, they dissect, stretch and even clarify it before responding. 

And, sometimes, in the process of expanding on my ideas, they reveal flaws or get to convince themselves that I might be onto something.

Humility: 

Without humility, no one will ever agree they are wrong, even if it is glaring. 

My dad would never have agreed he was wrong if he let his ego get in the way (actually, thinking about it now, ego sounds like an important ingredient for stupidity). 

But, not so many people are humble—that is, willing to admit that despite knowing or achieving a lot, they can still be wrong and can be corrected (even by newbies).

Value for Truth: 

There are people who would not listen to you if you try to disclose a truth that threatens their worldview. 

You see, some people value hope, harmony, and perhaps a sense of meaning far more than they value truth. Some people can never admit the many harsh truths that riddle this world. They would rather stick to more comforting lies. 

And, even if you successfully convince them that they are wrong, they might still not adopt or confess that truth simply because it is not what they value the most. 

With such people, there really is no need to engage in the debate in the first place—their minds have been made up.

Conclusion: Productive Conflict Is Universal and Must Be Embraced.

Sometimes, I ponder on the idea that perhaps God is not one big entity that sits in heaven overseeing the affairs of humans, rather God is split into infinite bits to the point God is the building blocks of the universe — the subatomic particles, elements, all living things, the planets, and the stars. 

Furthermore, God must also be the good and the bad, the light and the dark, the truth and the lies. Because I believe it is in the tension that something more important is born, even if I struggle to name that thing. It is like the colliding of atoms and stars to release energy, the infinite collision of phenomenons and ideas and the transcendental tension between order and chaos makes everything work.

But, my ideas are not even far-fetched. The scientific communities are always debating and fighting over who is right and wrong. Einstein was famously said to have responded by “Why 100? If I were wrong, one would have been enough” in response to a book “Hundred Authors Against Einstein.” And, even till date, people are still writing essays to debunk each other, or validate claims as the case may be.

In Jewish tradition, debate and discussion were central to learning and religious life. Synagogues weren’t just places of worship; they were also centres of learning where the scriptures were read, interpreted, and debated. It was in the synagogues that Jesus said things that provoked reactions, questions, and even opposition.

Even the Romans held debates in the Forum – a place now called one of the most celebrated meeting places in the world, and in all history. From elections to criminal trials, people had to gather and squabble about it before proceeding.

So also, in our personal growth, being in places where we are not challenged breeds complacency and stagnation. We stop thinking or advancing, and consequently we become cancerous—our dated thinking and ideas eating up not just us, but the world around us.

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What do you think about this? Please leave a comment; and don’t forget to share with friends and family.

1. The Courage to Be Wrong: Why Authentic Self-Expression Is Your Path to Freedom and Growth
2. The Door of Your Mind: Why Critical Thinking Trumps Closed-, Narrow-, and Even Open-Mindedness. 
3. Blind Following: Why You Follow Leaders Without Question
4. Confident Ignorance: The Power of Admitting That You Don’t Know.
5. How Confirmation Bias Can Impact Your WorldView; And 4 Strategies To Overcome or Minimize it