Breaking Free From Patriarchy: What The Feminists Want From Society15 min read

Feminism – the fight for the rights of girls and women – has been going on for centuries. And, there has been great progress indeed. However, some issues still hold back the movement from fully emancipating girls and women from Patriarchy.

One of these issues I believe is that some extreme, unfair, and unrealistic views of what girls’ and women’s rights are have gotten into the mix of what Feminism is after. And, this has caused society at large to misunderstand feminism at its core, and even kick against it.

Some self-proclaimed feminists have oversimplified complex issues by portraying all men as oppressors or blaming patriarchy for every societal ill. These interpretations often demonise masculinity (as toxic) while disregarding biological differences and practical realities. Additionally, they fail to acknowledge the diverse experiences of women across cultures and socioeconomic backgrounds, who may hold varying perspectives and priorities.

Another issue is that even those who have understood the core issues feminism is trying to solve and wish to help, do not know what to do exactly. Hence, they either do nothing or act in counterproductive ways.

In this piece, I’ll try to tackle both issues and help answer the question of what feminism and feminists really need from society. (My focus will be more on girls’ and women’s rights and less on gender roles.)

But, to fully grasp the way forward, it is important to first understand the origin of the problem – the origin of patriarchy.

Why Patriarchy Emerged, and How Is It a Problem

We, humans, homo sapiens, like all other animals once lived in the wild. A harsh, unforgiving world of hardship, violence, and scarcity, where physical strength was key. Physical strength was crucial for warding off wild beasts, climbing trees and cliffs, or even defending ourselves from our fellow humans. 

Generally speaking, boys and men naturally have more physical strength than girls and women. So, often, it was the boys and men doing the provision as well as protection. This became particularly true as we transitioned from hunter-gatherer societies to agricultural ones.

As we advanced and started living in clans, with duties shared, boys and men often ended up taking physically demanding tasks like ploughing, hunting, and defending land, leading to a power imbalance. 

Many societies relied on military strength, and men were often the primary warriors. This enhanced their status and power. Without the strength of boys and men, many societies simply wouldn’t have made it. Therefore, boys and men were heavily invested in – both in terms of training and education – and consequently became more qualified leaders, with each man first serving as a provider and protector of his own family. 

This order of things served us very well. But, it was not without its flaws. And, with time, what was adopted for its functionality, became a norm that reinforced itself, and became insidious. The corruption of this natural hierarchy within our society is essentially what patriarchy is.

Patriarchy is less about protection and provision, and more about domination and control. The structure which emerged to support got corrupted and became oppressive.

As patriarchy proliferated, the position of girls and women became cemented behind (or under) the boys and men, and with time, they even stopped being considered fellow humans – with many of the men viewing them as properties to be owned, used, or discarded at will.

This remained so, even as the world advanced and the boys and men stopped being the primary agents for provision and protection. Yes, in our modern societies, we now have the armed forces who provide security as well as farmers and corporations who provide food and other essentials. We no longer live in the wild; now, everyone – both male and female – can contribute to society in a multitude of ways that do not require physical strength.

However, with the Patriarchal structure already in place, girls and women continued being treated as less than humans (i.e. as properties or inferiors). It kept them away from certain roles for no other reason other than that they were girls or women. This is what feminism/feminists are against.

Why Feminism Is Against Patriarchy, and What The Feminists Are Asking For Instead

The core argument of feminism is simple: stop denying girls and women their rights. More clearly put, stop discriminating against them solely based on their sex. That is what the feminists want.

It is not a bad thing to desire.

As citizens of any civilisation, as humans, we all have rights. 

And, even though in many parts of the world, there is a lot of progress in terms of fairness, many girls and women still face some challenges in terms of how much freedom or rights they can exercise.

For example, in many parts of Africa today, many girls and women are still denied the right to speak up in meetings, inherit property, or occupy leadership positions (especially above men). In other parts of the world, they still face challenges when it comes to voting, owning businesses, pursuing education, and so on.

Girls and women, in general, are expected to sacrifice so much for the household. Sometimes this could mean giving up education, career opportunities, personal growth, and so much more. The lives of many women revolve around their family and husband, while their partners often face fewer consequences for disregarding their needs or making decisions without considering their impact. Issues such as infidelity, neglect of children, or worse are frequently overlooked or minimised when perpetrated by men.

Though less so in the Western world, many girls and women are boxed in by society to occupy very narrow, traditional roles such as domestic work, child-rearing, caregiving, and other subservient positions.

Globally, the ways girls and women are represented and addressed in media and popular culture often reflect harmful stereotypes about girls’ and women’s roles, capabilities, and worth in society. For example, movies sometimes portray girls and women as romantic prizes to be won rather than complex characters, advertisements frequently depict girls and women primarily in domestic roles or emphasise their appearance, song lyrics use derogatory terms like “bitch” or “ho”, and social media and pornography promote unrealistic beauty standards and provocative dressing.

Worse, the power structure of the patriarchal system often classifies girls and women as property (owned, or to be owned by the men). Hence, it is still common to see girls and women (in many cases) given in exchange for bride price, told how to dress, shamed for having many sexual partners, subjected to forced marriages, commanded to offer their bodies or make babies and so on. 

In short, they are not always considered to be in equal standing with boys and men. Many are by default disqualified, or not even part of the set to be considered. Hence, the cry for equality.

You might be thinking, “But David, many of these girls and women actually are less competent in certain roles, choose to wear revealing clothes, and even use derogatory language to describe themselves.” Well, there are reasons for these phenomena.

Why Some Girls and Women Seem to Validate and Reinforce The Patriarchal Stereotypes

As a consequence of the socio-economic impact of Patriarchy, many girls and women don’t get the same education or training opportunities, which can lead to skill gaps in certain areas, particularly leadership roles. This apparent incompetence then often reinforces the misguided belief that they are somehow inherently unfit or inferior to the boys and men who have actually received education and training from a young age.

Besides, studies have shown that from a young age, world views are shaped by expectations, words, and attitudes towards both genders. Many boys and men are expected, encouraged, and consequently aspire to leadership roles, while girls and women are often expected and encouraged to take on more domestic or supportive roles. Those girls and women who set their sights on traditionally male-dominated fields are often discouraged or denied opportunities.

The impact of media and cultural messaging also plays a significant role in shaping self-image and self-expression. This can lead to internalised societal expectations and stereotypes that influence girls’ and women’s behaviour and self-perception.

Interestingly, as many abused people go on to abuse others, so too do many girls and women reinforce the patriarchal system by attacking, discouraging, and tearing down other girls and women who might have had their eyes set on those roles often reserved for boys and men. This can be seen as a sort of coping mechanism developed in response to the patriarchal system, or sheer crab mentality.

Peer pressure, socio-economic pressures and limited options can also push some girls and women towards choices they might not otherwise make, including how they dress or present themselves. Society’s reward systems sometimes prioritise appearance over other attributes, particularly for girls and women. And, let’s face it, it is easier to go with the crowd than not.

In fact, even girls and women who break free from the patriarchal ideology, often still find no room for expression and gender biases hamstring them. The lack of diverse role models in various fields further compounds this issue.

However, it’s also important to note that the challenges girls and women face are complex and varied, and don’t apply universally to all of them. The interplay between personal choice, circumstances, and societal influence is intricate and convoluted.

“The most disempowered woman is the one who doesn’t know she’s disempowered.” – Unknown

What Equality Really Means for Feminists

The equality feminists often advocate for is about ensuring equal rights, opportunities, and treatment for all genders in society. It means removing barriers that have historically prevented women from participating fully in various aspects of life, including education, careers, politics, and even personal choices.

It’s important to highlight that despite the high levels of gender equality achieved, notably in a country like Scandinavia, many women – even when empowered – still don’t always take on the same roles or pursue the same goals as men. 

It’s been observed that men and women often take different paths despite being given equal opportunities, and consequently, they get different outcomes. This is not to say the outcome of any is better than the other, as the value placed on any outcome – be it a loving family, immense wealth, or great power and influence – is simply subjective.

However, it does point to something important: There are still fundamental differences between men and women – both in terms of their biology and psychology, among other factors. And these difference ultimately influences and affects their choices and outcomes. So, even if equal opportunities were provided (as is increasingly the case), equal outcomes can not be guaranteed (unless by some unfair and tyrannical system).

“The society that puts equality before freedom will end up with neither. The society that puts freedom before equality will end up with a great measure of both.” – Milton Friedman

Needless to say, today we now have female leaders in all spheres of society. Some of such girls and women include Chantelle Bell, the Managing Director and co-founder of Syrona Health; Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, the first elected female head of state in Africa; Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, the first woman and first African to serve as Director-General of the World Trade Organization amongst others. These women are a testament to the level of freedom Feminism has brought to women.

Why People Should Support Girls’ and Women’s Rights

Why should anyone (not to mention boys and men) care about women’s rights? Well, supporting girls’ and women’s rights isn’t just about being nice or politically correct. It’s about creating a better world for everyone (including boys and men).

When girls and women are empowered, entire communities benefit. Time and time again, it has been demonstrated that when girls and women have access to education and economic opportunities, they invest more in their families and communities. This naturally leads to improved education for children, stronger local economies, and overall societal progress.

The diversity of thought and perspective that comes from allowing women to speak up and contribute is invaluable for innovation and problem-solving. The added talent, skill, and labour force is also of immense benefit to the economy. 

Limiting women’s participation in various fields is essentially dividing our power in half. Despite being underrepresented, countless women have brought about world-changing inventions and discoveries which we might have missed had they been forced to stay in the kitchen.

Moreover, supporting women’s rights is about basic human dignity and respect. Just as slavery was abolished because more people came to see all humans as equals, this is about creating a world where our daughters, sisters, and mothers are seen as full humans – deserving of the same opportunities as our sons, brothers, and fathers.

The rights of girls and women should be recognised and defended because, beyond a few bruised egos, it will help our communities flourish, improve the character of boys and men, and help girls and women feel much better about themselves. It’s not a zero-sum game; when girls and women rise, we all rise together.

How To Join The Feminists’ Fight For a More Equitable World

Many countries and organisations are already putting measures in place to empower girls and women. For example, gender quotas in politics, equal pay legislation, and mentorship programs for girls and women in STEM fields.

If you’re reading this, chances are that you have already questioned the idea that girls and women are somewhat inferior to men, and have challenged a lot of the stereotypes to understand that though girls and women and men are different, one isn’t superior to the other, but rather complementary. You might have even come to understand that physical strength is not the only strength necessary for society to thrive and that many leadership roles require intelligent, compassionate, and empathetic people to lead, rather than a specific gender.

If that is you, then one of the best ways you can join the fight is by speaking up when you see girls and women being denied their rights, or when the girls and women seem to be excluded altogether. You can also aim to educate your daughters (or younger females in general) and let them know they have rights as any other male.

There are many policies and organisations fighting for this. You can learn more about them, and perhaps support them in any way you can – be it financially or otherwise.

You don’t have to do anything crazy or extreme. You don’t have to decide or act for the ladies. You don’t have to be a hero.

This is because swooping in to “save the day” ironically reinforces the notion that women are less capable and need rescuing, and undermines women’s autonomy in the process.

All you have to do is NOT deny them their rights, and DON’T hold them back.

Simply recognise and support girl’s and women’s rights.

Then let them be.

Conclusion: The Feminist Movement Aims To End Discrimination Against Women.

All this is not to suggest that men and women are the same, far from it. Neither is it arguing that girls and women are superior, deserve to be favoured, or should be rewarded for doing nothing.

It is rather insisting that girls and women should be allowed to live and make decisions that affect them, just as boys and men are. This is about equal autonomy and agency, regardless of gender.

It is about including them in the conversations and allowing them to be part of the decision-making process. 

It is about allowing girls and women to choose what they want and don’t want to do. This could mean, their choice of dressing, career path, spouse, childbirth, etc.

It is about not discriminating against women solely based on their sex. It is about treating each other as equals and having a free and fair system.

It is about not denying them their rights.

We can at least do that. We can allow girls and women to try their best, fail, and learn, just like boys and men – just like equal humans.

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