We got it all wrong, I wonder how we didn’t see this all this while
Few years ago, I was opportune to discuss with some of my loved one (this was not a Facebook or WhatsApp group chat, it was a real-life conversation where you sit bare, eyeball to eye ball, belly to belly with no obstacle between you and the next person. No fake “LOLs” or over exaggerated emoji laugher, if it was funny every one would laugh naturally and if you said something that wasn’t cool, well, you get to see the frown on their faces, there was almost nothing hidden)
So, as the discussion spiralled across numerous topics and heart hitting subjects, we finally got to the not so comfortable topic of relationships and rejections. As the conversation crashed into this topic abruptly, it was faced without shame by every one of us, we had to be honest, hell, we all wanted an avenue to vent. To vent about being rejected and console ourselves by revealing how many other people we’ve rejected too
Luckily for me, my excitement for the topic wasn’t matched with that of others and so I didn’t have to go first (remember this was uncomfortable yet everyone was dying to talk about it). The unravelling started, OMG, I can’t even remember the content of the yapping, I was flung from one person’s personal life to the next, it was a trill, it was exhilarating, and the more uncomfortable it was, the more every one was eager to share and the deeper the stories went.
We all got to that point of – okay, if you told someone how you felt, and they reject you, would you keep in touch with them?
You won’t believe what happened next…
This very simple question, as straight forward as it sounds was and still is a question that literally brings into question peoples self-worth, self-image, self-control, confidence, level of emotional maturity, ability to withstand pain and a general understanding of the human nature and society, just to mention a few.
Well, when we get rejected, it simply implies that someone doesn’t want us connecting with them on a deeper level.
May I return to the previous story, and let you hear the entire conclusion…Okay.
So, amongst the people seated that night, the eldest of us all, wearing a smirk said, well, if someone turns down my offer for a relationship, I simply cut them off (i.e. stop talking to them). That stuck to my Head
IT HURTS LIKE HELL
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Rejection hurts, it hurts even more when you have gotten emotionally invested in the person before letting them know and then getting an “N.O”, but being emotionally invested in someone isn’t on its own bad depending on the degree though. I mean this was with good intentions, right?
I took the idea of cutting people off whenever I was rejected seriously, but I was never able to successfully cut anyone off though, what actually happened was that I got friend-zoned a lot
I know you don’t want to hear that, but wait, there is more to this, just let me finish…
I got friend-zoned for the reasons I wrote about here, but this is the baggie: I made tones of friends, and boosted my confidence
THE BLESSEDNESS IN BEING FRIEND-ZONED
This may not sound like much at first, but when you come to think of it, what was your reason of finding someone you want to spend the rest or part of your life with? The answer is quite simple, you wanted to feel connection, and important, and probably feel more validated and esteemed. Then answer this, why do you secretly wish for just anybody (those that DO NOT WANT YOU) to actually be in that position in your life. Why do you get mad and upset? Why do you cut them off?
The problem is that we have been thought to run away form pain, but this is not always the answer as any athlete or master knows. Pain can actually be good for you.
You may feel hurt being rejected, but pushing away people in your life only widens the hole in it. Let the pain be. If your intentions were pure then there is nothing to be ashamed of, it is all normal, the desire for sex and love, hell, the person that rejected you also craves them, the problem is that they aren’t just right for you or you for them.
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So here is my advice to you
Don’t just go ahead and ruin a perfect relationship because they refused to fondly your sex organ or whatever genuine reason you might have. Relationships are way more than that. If the people you are going after are high class and worthy of being friends with you, then they should have no problem understanding this, and for crying out loud, this is actually a complement to them, you just showed them that they are attractive and nice and worthy of being dated…you shouldn’t feel bad at your own end. Learn to deal with your pain. Rejection hurts, but it would be okay
Basically, I’ve literally almost asked out every awesome lady in my life, I got a “no” from every one of them, sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly, it hurts, it makes me question my self worth, it gets me angry, but then again, I know that these are all feelings – thus, fast fleeting. And indeed, all the awesome ladies I’ve asked out turned out to be truly amazing in one way or another. I discovered that my lust for them wasn’t misplaced, they were totally worth it, and I am proud of that too.
My current relationship status is N/A, but that doesn’t matter
The point is, find more wonderful people to hang out with, and talk to and make friends, and build your squad… because those connection are what you really need to build, not your ego or porn archive
I’ll recommend you read these books
- Rejection Proof by Jia Jiang: this book would teach you more about rejection and how to go about it
- Models by Mark Manson: this book would explain how you can get the best dates by being more Honest, it was written for men, but any lady can still learn from it
- After reading, make sure to put yourself out there. Don’t feel rushed, you got this under control.
Long Live the Pawn